Kids have to be motivated, but they should not be pushed too much by comparing them with other kids. The kids generally follow their parents, so parents should become good examples for them. Each child is unique. Their talents should be identified and then channelized. Even little achievements should be praised so as to encourage them. This makes them excel in whatever they do.
I encourage my kids by setting an example. While they are still really young, only 3- and 4-years old, I lead by example. They see me reading and working all the time. And this leads to them picking up a book, magazine or paper to "be like mommy." If I am typing, they will often get out their computers and start "typing" along. Children really do absorb a lot more than we are often aware of. And subtle examples can add up to a huge impact.
I don't have kids, but if I did I would encourage him by stepping back and trusting his instincts while keeping him safe from actual harm. If I trust my kid, she is less likely to betray that trust than if I distrust her from the start. Demonstrate--really demonstrate--what it means to "excel" myself, from the child's earliest age until well into adulthood, and my kid is likely to follow--if not directly in my footsteps, then in his own excellent direction. Always assume my kid can't or won't fail in anything she undertakes, and she never will disappoint me. I measure his success in terms of how far along HIS chosen path he has come and the obstacles he has endured and overcome. I would champion HER ideas of success and excellence while demonstrating my own as her role model. I guess, no matter the age of the child, those are the main things: be a good role model, keep the kid safe, but give her the freedom and support she needs to succeed in her own ways.
Sometime we learn by failing at something for example I failed math but I am great at writing and art and creative pursuits. Failing math, in my opinion, does not mean I am a disappointment to someone or that I am not a success.
Exactly, Lizam1! Failing gracefully in something is another important way of demonstrating excellence to your kids, especially if you encourage them to get the math grades you couldn't. (Kids love challenges.)
Be positive of every success they obtain! Kids are eager to be loved and appreciated!
I take an interest in the things my children wish to pursue and I don't push them. I model balance about academic/recreational and other activities. Being the best you can be and enjoying the activities are, in my opinion, more important than excelling. They will naturally excel in some areas and not in others.
Lizam1, I respectfully disagree. I think that what you just said, "Being the best you can be..." while enjoying life DEFINES excellence! It's not about being the brightest kid in class on a particular subject, it's about doing YOUR best. Win-win!
Oh yes, that is true Laura. I was addressing the possibility that I often see as a parenting educator with parents pushing only excellence in everything and ending up with stressed out and anxiety ridden children and teens.
I know what you mean. "Stage parents" or "sports parents". Poor kids if that's their lot in life--a parent living out his/her dreams through their kids. Or maybe it's a competition with other parents: my kid's better than yours... Sad. Very sad.
Lots of praise; even if they make a small achievement in right direction. They will perform automatically in areas that they were not performing good, to receive same applause and recognition.
Kids always love appreciation for what they have done and appreciation and guiding in the correct direction encourages kids. Just make them mentally prepare that they can achieve everything with hardwork.
Excellent points--"hard work" needs to be demonstrated more often to kids. While kids enjoy appreciation, adults shouldn't need it to achieve success. Getting a kid from childhood to adulthood--independence--involves preparing them for hard work.
This is an ongoing struggle for me with my progressive three year old. She is a typical three year old that loves to wiggle, dance, and learn. My issue is she is far advanced for her age... So going to the store and buying educational toys ends up more like a month excursion to choose what she will actually be interested in. To give you an idea of what I am talking about she is: doing 2nd grade curriculum, likes princess, but also loves to watch Captain America in her camo shirt and pink tutu. Its a blur! But I am constantly trying to keep education exciting.
I guess to answer your question in a general way (I am not sure where your looking for your child to excel) I would have to say find what they are interested in and incorporate that into where ever it is you want them to excel. For example if sports are the main focus and they are a teenager find out who they idolize and give your child the building blocks of what their idol does for fitness. Or if it is schooling... Again find an interest, for my daughter that is princesses, and incorporate the learning experience into a regular daily activity. Taking education outside away from a desk or surrounding them with it by hanging murals in their bedrooms will remind them daily of what their goals should be.
Make any goal fun. If you take fun out of life they will lose interest and you will lose interest in helping. Find common ground with your child and explore the subject area together... My daughter and I watch learning videos on YouTube while we eat breakfast. We have learned many things from counting to how fast people sneeze and why. Again FUN FUN for both of you will go a long way.
Good luck to you and please keep me posted. I would love to swing some more conversations on this subject. Thank you for the question.
Thank you K Morris! I recently married and my husband and I are thinking of adopting, since we both have a grown-up child from a first marriage. My daughter lives in Germany and his son is sadly distant. We want to have children of our own to grow as
Cool! Sounds like your child might thrive in "gifted" programs! Check out www.us.mensa.org/ for guidance (esp. on toys). Contact her schools now. Encourage her multiple interests--focus probably isn't workable for a gifted child. (I was one.) Luck!
I believe the most important thing is to treat them like the person you know they can be, not as they are. This mind-set will cause you to naturally give them positive feed back, and encouragement. It's all in your attitude. Example: Instead of saying I wish you would do your chores, but I know you won't get yourself off the couch; You can tell them you can't wait to see what a great job they're going to do and stress some quality they have that will make them excel. This also works for school work. If they have an essay to write don't tell them that they probably won't put in enough effort, as usual. You could tell them that you can't wait to read it because they have such a unique view of people, or whatever the essay is about.
Awesome! I use this trick when managing employees/team members: praising them in advance for the work that you know they can do. Works magic! Example introduction, "Yes and Fred, here, is our expert at ____". Soon, Fred makes that come true.
As a parent I had a philosophy I used with all my children. It was basically "Reach for the moon--if you miss, you'll still be among the stars". This is because I believe that we truly under utilize most of our potential. (All of us).
Getting children to believe that they can become whatever they want to channels their efforts and creativity, and motivates them to try. They at some point have to derail some ideas, but I believe that is easier done when they believe they have lots of talent and options and can capitalize on their unique strength. Getting them to try and believe is the rub. Their is so much available--for them to utilize that the world is theirs!!!!!! Go for it!!!
I love your reasons and quote Xpressrite! Thank you!
I love, "Getting children to believe that they can become whatever they want". I, too, think that's essential. To get them to believe... ask what she thinks she CAN'T do, then tell her to really pretend that she CAN and go do it! Success!
Yes, we encourage, train and work with them so that they can excel.
By example, with encouragement and never with expectation. With love and foresight and always being present. Knowing when more is less and less is more. Understanding your child and who they are; who they are going to be. By teaching, listening and talking.
Most of all; from the day your child is born work on your relationship and make sure your child has trust in you; make them feel safe and always tell your child: I love you. You can never tell your child that you love them too many times.
We are all someones child, it's good to be told we're loved
So true! You never can tell them enought that you love them. I never heard my parents that they loved me....but I did my best for my kids! Even if they are in their thirties now, I continue to tell them!
Lovely answer. My mum now 85 still says I love you and I love telling her that back.
Loving who they are, as they are. I let my kids know that they are in charge of the consequences of their decisions. I don't have to say much to steer them in the right direction. If I see them making good decisions, I always give them verbal acknowledgement. At the same time, if I see them making questionable decisions, I ask them to think about all the things that could happen down the road if they make this or that decision. I don't jump in with, 'You're wrong!' Instead, I ask them to think about whether or not they would be happy living with the consequences of their decision. Nine times out of ten, they make the right decision. Treating my kids with respect and letting them be the owner of their decisions (and not me telling them what to do) encourages them to grow well and excel.
I encouraged my child in the many aspects of learning but never pressured him into any learning from day one he turned out to be a very intelligent and positive. His efforts in learning was simple he made it that way by himself.
Support their interests and don't push them too hard. Childhood is a period in everyone's life where they should be appreciated for who they are and not for who you want them to be. Steer yourself away from the idea that you know how your children should be, what they should be doing and how well, and just accept your children for who they are. And tell them how much you love them all the time. There's nothing like feeling loved to instill confidence in a young child and confidence in their own abilities is what will get them through life. As they grow, they will change - during teenage years considerably and not always in the direction you want - and it is paramount to their well being (and yours) that you love the child you have and not the one you want. Children will excel by their own efforts and in their own time; the worst thing you could do is to load them up with YOUR expectations - that will only lead to failure and self-destruction in the long run.
i encourage my kids to read more books and do homework. Don't put off "later on i will do it" habit. I also do my own "homework" by writing out drafts of my hubs and read more books. Hence, my kids followed me by taking out their books and read them. As for homework, they requested me to stay beside them. Still not independent yet. I also encourage my kids to mix with other children since they are quiet type. Not easy but kids out there are brave and daring.
Just do it.
Highlight what you see within them that are their strengths.
Sincere praise is so very powerful.
Many children blossom and grow in an environment where praise is abundant. And that means, giving credit for trying and reminding them that of that old saying...if at first you don't succeed..try try again.
Tough love to an extent comes into play...make it clear you do not expect perfection. But you do expect him or her to be the best that he or she can do
Show interest, sincere interest in what they are working on in school and outside of school. Provide the support that is needed for success to occur.
I know other than encouragement, so many other things are needed for them to excel. What I could succeed in one thing was to instal MS-Office in their computer so that "excel" is there available for them!
You made me laugh, but you're definitely right: computers are immensely important! Kids need to get an early start (preschool) in order to "Excel". If a kid can't use a computer, it's a disaster: almost all jobs in the US require computer skills.
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