Do you think that children should be ......
obedient and respectful?
intelligent, opinonated, and independent?
I don't see the choices as in opposition at all; my sons are all of those.
I would hope that they could be all of the above. I don't see that any of those are mutually exclusive of the others. In many cases, we want our children to be obedient because there are things we must protect them from that they don't yet understand. Intelligence and independence are admirable traits, but not when those who possess them are disrespectful of others. In that case, they're perceived as arrogance and self-centeredness. Opinions aren't impossible to reconcile with respect, nor is obedience. We obey laws all the time - does that mean that we are not independent and do not have opinions?
I think children should be who they are. Providing a structure in which they learn obedience and respect does not mean they will be unintelligent, without their own opinions, or dependent.
Yes, I do! I think children should be obedient and respectful, intelligent, opinionated and independent! I have three children who are all now adults. They all had the above characteristics. The important part is that the last three are balanced with the first two! Independently the two sets are NOT positive traits, together they are amazing! It takes a well balanced life to make well balanced individuals.
I think they can simultaneously be all of those things. I know mine were all of those things and now as adults they are wonderful creative people.
All five of those things, and all three of my children were (and still are). It used to make me really, really, aggravated when a certain person I knew (who had an out-of-control kid who enjoyed hurting his grandfather, among other things) suggested that my well behaved, nice, little, kids were "slow". She actually said, "I wouldn't want my child to be quiet and slow, so I'm glad he's not." The ones this person was comparing her own with were years ahead of their classmates in school, had lots of different talents "on the side"; and were known for being "really nice little kids", known for being particularly socially mature, and grew up being a whole lot more mature and strong than a whole lot of adults are.
Of course, an important point is that by "obedient" I mean that I had a set of basic, reasonable, rules; and they understood the purpose and sense of those reasonable rules. I respected them, and I expected respect back. I wasn't the kind of parent who wanted un-thinking little servants who quaked in their boots when I said anything. Those reasonable rules I mentioned were all based on the aim to raise socially acceptable people with a conscience and with respect for other people, their property, and the world in general.
As other mothers/parents on here have suggested, the ideal thing is to have children who are all of those things. Kids who have trouble following reasonable rules and who have no respect for their parents, or others, are kids who lack social/emotional maturity, MAY lack development in the part of the brain involving conscience and empathy, and/or may even lack the kind of intelligence that's associated with more well rounded development. Interesting study: The Terman Study. Showed that gifted children generally tended to grow up very well adjusted and socially capable than average kids
I'm voting "up" everyone's answer that came before mine because it's time the myth that kids who can't/won't behave well, or respect parents and others, are "more intelligent" be put to rest. That myth has been around for at least thirty to thirty-five years now, and it hasn't served kids born in that time, their parents, of society very well at all.
Respectful out numbers most anything. Who wants a genius with no respect.
I believe that children can be taught to be obedient and respectful as well as to be intelligent, critical thinkers. The parameters which you present need not be exclusive in any way, and I am living proof. My clan raised this boy with respect and to have respect for others. The problems with today's kids are squarely with their parents, not with the kids themselves.
I'd be sad if my children were not all of these things really. You can be independent and opinionated and still be obedient and respectful... and sometimes intelligence is the key to finding the balance between these things for children. If you educate them right, they will find the balance.
I believe that children should be respectful, intelligent, opinionated, and independent. I am purposely omitting the word obedient. Children should be taught to value themselves and others. Intelligence, having strong opinions, and being independent will serve a child well in school and later in life. Such children will have their own self worth and are less likely to be taken advantage of by other children.
Children who are respectful give and demand respect. Such children are highly respectful of themselves as well as others. Children who respect themselves honor themselves and will not let themselves be abused by other children and adults in their midst. They know how to set boundaries and are assertive regarding their needs and priorities.
Obedient is such a loaded word.While children should be taught the rules of proper behavior and mores, stressing obedience in a child causes him/her to give his/her power away to authority and to blindly follow those who are more authorititative often to dire consequences. Children should be taught to think and to question authority and that might does not necessarily equal right.
Many children have been inculcated to obey that they follow religions, politicians, and/or other leaders without thinking out the situation for themselves. Children must be taught the necessity of logical and critical thinking.Teaching children obedience will never cause leaders but followers.
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