What are 10 instances of unintelligent, thoughtless, and selfish parenting practices?
There are PEOPLE out there who frankly SHOULD NEVER be parents.They do not possess the wherewithal educationally, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and socioeconomically to be parents and as a result, their children.......suffer, oftentimes irreparably.
I'll provide four fundamental points and a vision.
1) Anyone trapped in addiction or prone to violence is putting his or her children at risk. Parenthood is not just about "parenting practices." It is first about living as whole, independent adults, emotionally and practically.
2) Parents do well to connect first, then direct. The most common unintelligent parenting practice I see is a parent calling out to, or yelling to, a child to do something or other. Children are not aware in the way adults are. Such yelling is just noise, outside their system. When I want a child's attention, I ask for it. I kneel down to their level. Except in an emergency, I listen first. Once I have the child's attention, I direct, if direction is needed.
3) The best parents are free of judgment, blame, and fear. GMWilliams, this is a challenge to you. I appreciate your question and your concern for children. But your language sounds judgmental and hopeless. I encourage you to be more encouraging.
4) Carl Jung said that the greatest problem of any child is the unfulfilled dreams of his or her parents. Parents who press their own agendas on their children is another broad category in direct answer to your question. So parents should know their dreams and be making them real, and then lead children by example to rich, fulfilling lives.
GMWilliams, I challenge your notion of "irreparable harm." Wilma Rudolph left polio behind to become an Olympic runner. Many children who survived the holocaust became healthy adults. Never underestimate the power of the human spirit to heal.
But we want to prevent all the damage being done to our children, if we can. In that light, my wife and I once had a humorous conversation about a training program that would really prepare parents for parents.
After extensive counseling & support ensure that the couple will be romantically happy, stay together, be financially successful, & lead fulfilling lives, the parenting program would begin.
Enlightenment of both parents is the 1st requirement. This prevents projection.
After that, gardening. We want to make sure these folks are tender and nurturing, and willing to learn how things grow, and willing to work hard, before bringing animals into their care.
After that, raising a kitten into a cat. Learn to care for a loved one who will ignore you! Raise a large dog with excellent obedience. Raise a chimpanzee, so much like a toddler in attitude, and a teenager in strength.
At last, ready for a child!
I won't list ten, but one that comes to mind instantly is "not listening". Often times parents are so busy that they don't take the time to really listen to what their child is telling them. Often times, we need to read between the lines to "hear" what they are really trying to say. Missing an opportunity to listen makes a child feel unimportant. One of the greatest gifts a parent can give themself as well as their child is to listen and get to know their child. It's a lifelong relationship and can definitely be one of the most rewarding. Like anything rewarding it takes work.
Yes, there are people that have true mental or emotional issues that prevent them from being the best parent they can be. I also see many well educated, financially stable people that don't know the first thing about parenting. A child knows when they are loved.
I'll give you one: bribery. This is different than rewarding. A cookie/candy for this and that makes either a fat lazy kid or they are crazy from the constant rush and crash of sugar.
In no particular order:
1. If a person puts "mind-altering substances" above the health, safety, and well-being of his/her children, he/she is not fit to be a parent;
2. People who believe all it takes to be a parent is a paycheck or a child-support check;
3. Those who aren't mature enough to realize kids require sacrifice;
4. Individuals who never grew up;
5. Parents who expect their kids to be extensions of themselves instead of individual human beings;
6. Some have cultural or religious beliefs/practices that can be harmful to children;
7. Young people who expect their own parents to take on the responsibilities for their kids;
8. Parents who aren't prepared to-- or don't see a reason to-- give their children adequate time, attention, and guidance;
9. Those who put their own wishes ahead of their children's needs;
10. And people who have kids while not actually wanting them.
Great, intelligent answer.There are parents who are guilty of the above, esp. #s 3,5,7,8, and 10. Many parents DO HAVE kids while NOT WANTING them, it is quite obvious by parents screaming & yelling at them +having OLDER kids raise SIBLINGS.
@GM: I also believe people who try to stop girls/women from having abortions should be stressing adoption- pressuring them to keep & raise the babies is not in anyone's best interest.
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