If you adopt a child would you tell him/ her that he/she was adopted, and if so when?
If you adopted a child who is the same race as you (so basically nobody would know you adopted unless you tell), would you tell the child he/she was adopted? If so, would you tell the child since they are young or only when they are much older?
In this day and time it would be very difficult to avoid telling the child about their adoption. When to tell them would be the only real question and that would depend on variables related to the child's personality and circumstances.
It would be wise to explain what adoption is in a simple and practical manner at an early age. There are children's books to help do that and they could be introduced to a child along with other books about different topics. Beginning this way could help make understanding their own adoption a very natural process (unless parents are hyper-anxious and impatient).
Reading blogs on how to proceed could be very helpful, especially those that relate how the topic was presented to the adoptees in a loving, methodical way.
I would find information on adoption and how others went about telling their child. Consider their age and slowly add the info they need. Lots of times adults give info as if an adult is asking. Most children say things in passing and don't need details. We didn't know a couple of our cousins were even adopted until we were older. But I will say, never wait till they are teenagers that's a hard time to deal with life as it is. Being honest and upfront is very important. Let them know you picked them and love them. That it was a special day for you. The people I know who are adopted say they felt they were different all along and some feel they should have been told sooner then they were. I hope it goes well for you.
My sons are adopted. Both came to us about the same time (3 weeks). At the time the oldest was 18 months and the other was a day shy of a month. We will probably tell them once they are in elementary school; however, I believe the oldest one (now 5) may know since he was old enough to pass through one or two foster homes before coming home with us. The youngest was (almost) literally dropped off at our doorstep and has only known us as mother and father. He may be the hardest when that moment come...(or maybe not).
I would gradually introduce your child to the idea of adoption when they are young and when you sense its time to do so. While making sure similtaneously you let him/her know how much you love him/her and how blessed and lucky you are to have him/her. I would be open and realistic with him/her. Time has moved on. Secrets in families have a way of backfiring. All the best to to you and your family.
Thanks all for contributing..got some great ideas I could consider..
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