My 15 month old has hit "that" stage this week. Everything is her way or the legs go out, the lip goes down and she has a big tantrum. Up till now she's been fine - now she's getting lots of "cot time" and tell offs. How did you deal with a naughty toddler?
I just walk away....unless it's really important to him he usually stops after a minute or so.... Having said that I'm bringing up boys... I'm no expert but at this age they don't understand punishment.. like cot time... So I wouldn't bother just walk away and then distract with something else, after a minute or so, don't waste ur energy trying to make them understand cause they don't. Apparently it's not a good idea to put them in there cot for time out as u may start sleeping probs once they actually do start understanding punishment. The cot u need to associate with peaceful feelings and not punishment. I understand when they crack it it can be really hair raising as a parent but u need to outwit them during these outbursts.. May b some one has better advice than me but hopefully this is a start ad I'm only 3 months ahead of u good luck and try to stay peaceful during these stressful outbursts
What u instill in ur child now will stay with her for life. Don't fight over everything cause when she's 15 ull b bangn your head against a brick wall... Always ask ur self is this important will she get hurt? So even if they r making a mess with toys or in the plastic cupboard just let em do it cause it won't hurt u( except the clean up) on the other hand if they're drawing on the walls or playn with marches those r the arguements u have to win. Always ask ur self can this hurt my baby!!! It really depends what it's about.
Hi Wrylilt, my son is nearly three and I certainly know that toddlers can be extrememly stubborn and strong willed! It's very frustrating sometimes.
I agree with mummibear's comments about distraction - at 15 months it is better to try and nip the behaviour in the bud by diverting their attention if you can. It was quite easy for me to do that with my child at that age, not so easy now though! When my little one has tantrums I just ignore him and pay no attention whatsoever unless he is breaking something. That's what I've always done, because the whole point of the tantrum is to get your attention. It will fizzle out much sooner without a reaction, but you should stand your ground if you have said no to something.
Sometimes I put my son to sit on a beanbag we have for two minutes if he is badly behaved but did not so that until he was over 2 at least. It works quite well, he sits there but is not really upset, when the kitchen timer goes off he runs up to me smiling and says sorry. The difference between him and your daughter though is that when I ask him what he has done he knows exactly and is able to tell me.
Mummibear is a very wise woman indeed.
You really should have a completely separate spot for time outs so they don't confuse discipline with anything else. And 15 months may be a little too young for time outs in general.
I've raised three kids and am now in the throes of twin 18 month old grandbabies, and with all of them, walking away and not acknowledging the bad behavior while praising the good behavior does the trick at this age -- unless their behavior is dangerous or destructive. Then just physically remove them from the situation and turn their attention to something else.
At this age, they are programmed to push your buttons -- all of them all of the time. Their job is to test boundaries and limits. Oh, and consistency is really key too. Don't get sucked into different discipline behaviors between in home and out of home or between different caregivers.
But most of all -- good luck!
You've been given great advice, I do agree that associating a 'time out' with her cot is not a good idea.
It is much better to redirect her behavior to something appropriate. She is at the exploration stage and will need 'hands on' instruction as to what her boundaries are, which requires time and a lot of patience. If she's coloring on the walls, tell her no firmly and move her to where she can color on paper or an old box, etc. discipline her by instruction, which is what the word discipline means. I remember once my son found a permanent marker and drew on wood cabinets.. it was my fault for having the marker in his reach, but I do remember not being very happy about his choice of 'canvas', it taught me that some kids need wider boundaries, so that's where the box idea originated.
Also she may be telling you she needs more of your time and attention, but in general the toddler age is non-stop exploration and discovery. good luck and even though it gets crazy at times, enjoy your time with her at this age. it will make a difference.
They get to a stage when they're still way too little to understand and deal with some stuff, but they're active and want to do things and have their own way (etc.). It's just a stage. Dealing with it, I think, is a matter of a mix of a little overlooking/ignoring some things, aiming to keep some frustrations out of her day, making sure she gets enough sleep (being tired makes it worse), and hanging in for another few months (sometimes around eighteen months, when they get less "kinetic" than they are at fifteen months).
Chronic frustration (as when parents have a set of rules they won't be flexible on, and as a result keep butting heads with their toddler) will only make a toddler worse (the way it makes even grown-ups worse). My approach/opinion for toddlers that age is to keep their days as happy and frustration-free as possible. There's plenty of time for teaching and rules once their language skills are developed enough; but also when they're at the age when they actually seem to thrive on being with one, special, adult and having that person share what is expected of them, and "what nice people do" (and that age is generally three).
I agree with using distraction or walking away. A 15 month old simply does not understand consequences. They don't understand that being put into the cot or being told off is a consequence of their tantrum. It may also be that teething is putting her into a bad mood. When they aren't feeling well, you just have to put up with their bad moods, as difficult as it is.
Enjoy motherhood! Every stage has its turn. Just be patient and continue to love.
The trick is not to give in to the unreasonable demands; give her a simple explanation as to why her demand cannot be fulfilled and if she continues to misbehave then a suitable punishment like tidying a shoe rack should be administered or confine her to the punishment room which should be explained as a sign of disgrace. Be determined about having her to complete the task or the confinement time. she will give up in time when she will realize that it is no use throwing a tantrum and it will only result in punishment.
I cannot add much to all the very good advice that has already been given but I would like to say that one thing that has been very beneficial to me is to remember to ask myself "who is having the tantrum?" "Is this issue worth arguing about?" There have been times over the past 4 years when one or other of my girls has thrown a really bad tantrum and it has been better for me to make sure that they were safe and to take 5 minutes outside the door and then approach the situation calmly - AN ANGRY MOTHER IS NEVER GOOD!!
Another tip is to ask yourself if your child is overtired or ill. There have been times when my daughter has thrown an awful tantrum and the following day she has a fever or an ear infection - Boy did I feel bad for not recognising that she was feeling ill!
Once she reached the age where she could tell me she didn't feel the best the tantrums also started to dissappear. (frustration linked with not being able to communicat is a huge reason for temper tantrums)
Remember it's all a learning process and they dont come with a manual. Go easy on yourself!!
They need to learn from an early age as so many children are not being disciplined these days & are out of control when older.
We used to get smacked if naughty & so did my girls & grew up to be well liked hard working girls who love us,
At 15 months if they go to touch something they shouldn't then a firm NO at the same time you tap their hand used to work.
We didn't have tantrums while shopping as they used to help us so were never bored.
Lots of good advice here. I think that age between 15 months - 3 years is very tough, since very young toddlers don't have a lot of reasoning ability. We just used a LOT of consistency: eventually the idea "stuck" and they got the lesson - we started using brief "time-outs" at the age of 2 (we used one of our stair steps), along with natural consequences. For instance, if Nolan or Matt threw a toy, I took the toy away: they learned not to throw things pretty early!
It can take a LOT of repetition at this age, though - don't get discouraged if the "lessons" don't seem to be sinking in. They are, but it can take a lot of reinforcement before you see results!
Pick your battles very carefully. And don't give up those that you picked.
my little boy who is nearly 3 tears his books when he is tired of going thru the pictures on them. what can i do. i've tried scolding him, taking away the book even a little spank but none worked.Now i keep the books out of his reach except i'm there to supervise. is there anything i can do so he can enjoy his books without his destroying them
Videotape your kid and make sure you show that video to all her friends when she gets to high school. Payback is a Bitx!
A good friend lent me an Aussie book called "toddler taming." It was a lifesaver. At the time the only way I could get my two year old son to bed was by waiting til he fell asleep. I used to go on long journeys in the car to let him fall asleep and then put him to bed. Following the books simple advice the problem was solved in two weeks.
Up to the age of three most children are very similar to autistics. Many experiments have shown that they can only see things from their point of view.
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