Better or Bitter?

1. 66

   FloBeposted 13 years ago

   Have you allowed your disability to make you bitter or have you found ways to become a better person instead? I grew up with a physical disability and I had to fight for "normal." While it made life harder than usual for me and there were deeply discouraging times, it taught me how to be an excellent problem-solver and I have used this skill many times to adapt to all the challenges that come my way.

   replyreport
   1. 56

      dianaseroposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Disability doesn't make life bitter instead it strengthens our behaviour patterns that we ingrain throughout our lives, such as compassion, courage, patience.

      replyreport
   2. 73

      Eiddwenposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I have problems with the lower back discs however it has made me fight more. The biggest problem I had was learning that not everything is 'mind over matter' and there are certain thing s that I will not be able to do! I have been very stubborn and my own worse enemy at times. However I have kept going and there are not many things that I cannot do.  I am a positive person and I am not bitter . However I realise how easy it would be to become bitter and I do empathise with those that do.

      replyreport
2. 60

   A la carteposted 13 years ago

   I reckon that having a disability would really suck. I mean it. Having said that I have nothing but praise for those with disabilities who enjoy their lives and adapt to what is around them. To me, and heck I have been wrong many times, I would hate to be patronized and for people to look at my disability first and me second. FloBe you sound like you got your head screwed on..half of us 'normal' people have our heads on backwards...you go girl.

   replyreport
3. 78

   schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

   both
   depends on my mood!

   replyreport
4. 0

   lambservantposted 13 years ago

   I think it depends on the disability. Mine has been horrible, but I have never been bitter about it. I have grown so much closer to God, my attitudes have changed, and I am stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

   replyreport
5. 50

   Sirajyposted 13 years ago

   Actual incident has actual effect upon your body and soul. If you actually keep faith in God then obviously it will change your life and life style.

   replyreport
6. 80

   lex123posted 13 years ago

   I feel that if we see the disability and misfortune of others we feel blessed and forget our own problems, and feel better.

   replyreport
7. 60

   Devanniposted 13 years ago

   It's an interesting question.
   For me, I think the answer is neither.  I will never be happy that I am the way I am in that respect, but I made my peace with it a long time ago.  I am certainly not bitter about it.  Sometimes I still get frustrated, but I feel that's only natural and healthy.  Just because I have accepted it as a part of who I am doesn't mean I can forget it, but I don't dwell or let it hold me back.
   Perhaps it has made me a stronger person, working three times as hard to accomplish the things that come more easilly to others every day, but at the same time, I have always been a strong person, so I don't know for sure.
   What I do know is that I will never understand those who would try to tell me I am part of an elite club blessed with Gifts.  Perhaps that comes off a bit angry - bitter, even - but I accept who I am, and I have learned to live with, and even love myself, and that, to me, is the most important thing.

   replyreport
8. 0

   4youreyesposted 13 years ago

   I have been disabled for 12 years when you are 37 years old becoming disabled for life is not in your plans.I've learned to accept that this is the way life is going to be.After two lower back surgeries you have the results of them like them or not.I have found that yes there are things that I will never be able to do again but at the same time it has opened doors for me to something new hat I would not have done before.When the pain and physical limitations get over whelming I stop and tell myself it could be worse.I thank God that it's something I can live with and control with pain medication it's not fatal and I can take care of myself and enjoy life.Many people don't for on reason or the other.

   replyreport
9. 60

   skipper112posted 13 years ago

   I become disabled in 1975, massive head and leg injuries, was told I will never work again except in a sheltered workshop. That made me fight, I went back to work in 1980 on the factory floor in heavy metal work, on my feet all day. I did that for 4 years then was injured again to my left leg. Now I have 2 bum legs right leg 2 1/2 ins shorter 30% less muscle mass below the knee, and a bad knee in left leg. Then went into Security and retired after the 2000 Olympics is Sydney, my home town.Yes I have felt bitter at times, I have felt anger and if I meet someone that is worse off, I just treat them as people. We are as I have found out all Gods children, we can do anything that our disability allows us to do.I accept my meds because they relieve my pain, and make me feel human. I have discovered Sailing I sail 2 to 3 times a week in Sydney Harbour, I race sail boats with other disabled sailors, I belong to Sailibility A Disabled Sailing Club, on the water I am free and equal. Now I am trying to raise money to buy a sail boat so I can become the 1st disabled sailor to Sail around the world via both poles, the long way around.I am now 66 years old and I will with Gods help do this trip.I know I am closer to and happy with the love of Jesus Christ,  my faith is alive and well, I am ready for anything. No time to feel bitter that I can't run anymore, I was a sprinter. My attitude now is ' just do it'  I have a Blog on hub 'disabled solo sailor.'Life goes on we either live it, or let it pass us by. I live it, Warren W Webster. God Bless

   replyreport
10. 66

    okmom23posted 13 years ago

    Good question! There is always a positive side to a negative situation. I found daily life much more enjoyable when I stay in the present day.

    replyreport
11. 78

    schoolgirlforrealposted 13 years ago

    I'm better but I am bitter about living on $250 a month after all bills and supplies /toiletries/clothes.
    
    I am so depressed.

    replyreport
    1. 60

       skipper112posted 13 years agoin reply to this

       schoolgirlforreal,
       I can understand you, myself and  my wife are disabled, my mother in law is also living with us, it's her house. Mum is 87 now so we live to-gether all on pensions. To be honest I do not know how you live on $USD250:00 a month, even my pension  is  almost triple that. it works out to about $AD450 a week with both pensions, and mum's is just for bills.I cannot understand how anybody can expect you to live on that.
       
       But sometimes I do get bitter, I am my own worst enemy, like yesterday I went sailing on a 54ft pure raceing sail boat, I could'nt even stand up, the boat healled so much I was looking straight down into the sea, I wasen't scared just so upset that unlike the rest of the disabled crew, I could not stand and walk around the boat like they did, because of my legs and lack of mobility I felt really felt let down by my disabilities, but raceing sail boats, are verry quick, they lean more than cruiseing boats. But I still was 'JUST A BIT BITTER" at my disabilities. I hope to get used to it as I am going to sail again on that boat. Yes I do wear a life vest because there is a real chance that I could fall over board. But I will not give up, at least not yet.
       
       I take my 'hat' of to you hon, you are doing great, I'm glad you are my friend
       
       take care,
       God Bless

       replyreport
    2. 61

       musicaldogsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Not bitter, only better! 
       
       However, it's a little trickier in that I have mostly mental disabilities.  Since my disability is basically invisible to most others, there are often those who do not believe that I could possibly qualify for aid and services.  Sometimes I get the feeling that there are people who automatically assume I am scamming the government, especially given the number of recent reports about disability fraud.  I just have to remember that I am just as disabled as someone with a more physical (and thus more visible) disability, and therefore, just as deserving of government aid.
       
       Fortunately, I am able to walk and talk "normally," but my symptoms take their toll enough to limit many of the activities that I want to do.  Also, the extremely limited amount of money I have to work with makes it virtually impossible to get ahead and to pay off mounting bills and loans.  As added bonus, for the past four months I have not gotten my monthly check on time due to government incompetency, so I have been waiting in limbo with overdrafts, late fees, and overdue bills.  Despite all this, I am very thankful that I have fairly "normal" motor skills and can accomplish most everyday tasks independently.
       
       Anyway, I still persist at making the best of it all and consistently remind myself to have an attitude of gratitude!

       replyreport
       1. 66

          FloBeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

          For many people with "hidden" disabilities it can be difficult to receive understanding because there is the assumption that if it can't be seen it doesn't exist. It does, however, and it is just as real! My disability is physical and there were always assumptions made that if there was something wrong with your body then you had diminished mental capacities as well--the opposite misunderstanding! So, either way, a person must make the choice about whether they will take the higher road and find things in life to be grateful for rather than fighting what isn't "fair."

          replyreport
12. 70

    DonDWestposted 13 years ago

    I won't lie, my disability hit me when I was just 18 years old, has denied me a college degree and subsequnetly a lot in life. In today's era and around my age, a college degree is everything. I have seen and met many people with worst disabilites than mine, but they were able to move on to good careers in part because the disability hit them later in life and they already acquired the degree before they were disabled. This allowed them to simply pick up where they left off once they adjusted to the challenges of their disability, be it mental or physical.
    
    However, I've found that most people who get a disability before getting a degree struggle making any money and it cannot be denied how this has an averse effect on their lives. People who go through a disability often suffer a lot of trauma, which severely impairs their memory. Try passing college with a memory problem, won't work, memorizing the factoids for the exam grades is the game they play...
    
    It truly stinks, and yes I'm bitter about it and will continue to fight this injustice until my dying breath. I can do a lot more than most people. I can do computer programing. I wrote a 500 page fictional philosophical political satirical work based upon the Palestinian and Isreali conflict. I follow politics and unlike most people can actually point out every country on the map. I have knowledge in finance and have done a few very successful commodity exchanges. I'm an artist, I can paint and model with clay. I have an I.Q of over 140. For goodness sake, I had to medically diagnose myself for my disability (schizophrenia) because the professionals couldn't do it. I researched an herbal remedy treatment, figuring I had nothing to lose, tried it, and it actually worked.
    
    And here you are, Mr./Mrs. Employer, telling me I can't do your sorry excuse for an easy job because I don't have a college degree? Give me a break! I'm hardly challenged in most of the work I do as is... I'm bossed around by people who are as dumb as rocks or behave like children. So what if my rote memory blows? Everyone has their "kryptonite", mine shouldn't be so life damning.
    
    People tell me that "someone like me should be happy just to get work in this economy" or "you're a gifted person" or "you should be happy". I call bullshit! I'll save up to 80% (scratch that 120% because I can invest) of my wages just to start my own company and prove these naysayers wrong. I will make it a point NOT to hire anyone with a snotty college degree and ONLY hire people with disabilities. I'll prove these assholes wrong if it's the last thing I do.
    
    When I'm finally successful, I'll make it a point to moon that sorry excuse of an institution that is my former college that discouraged me from everything in life. I'll be sure to pay a visit to every woman who rejected me because my disability grossed her out.
    
    I will not settle for this fate. I will fight, fight, fight.

    replyreport
    1. 59

       teamrnposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       A disability has the ability to make you bitter-I can only speak for myself-IF YOU LET IT. You don't have the life you want, the people you meet aren't always the most accepting of your limitations, finances aren't easy by any means; you usually don't have the ability to make them better and the list can go on. Replace the don'ts with WON'T, really has the ability to make you BITTER.
       
       That said, true friends accept YOU for who you are. They like and love you for you. They admire your spunk and even though that may not be enough for you, you are a beacon of hope for many. Even if every day is a challenge to get up, to make it though, we mustn't give up, we mustn't.
       
       I received some advice years ago; "It's okay to feel sorry for yourself and sit on you pity pot; just give it a statute of limitations."  I've lived a lot by that advice and it's served me well.

       replyreport