Pray to God to forgive
I was just about to turn the key to my apartment and my neighbor wished me. She has invited me many times in the past to the church and I went once to her church. But now my husband doesn't like her preaching to us so much. For me she has been my neighbor for more than 2 years but still I feel bad when she tries to say things like "you are a good girl" and if only you were a Christian then you would be "saved". And today again she invited me and I said I am not too keen and she ended the conversation by saying "I will pray to God to forgive you".
I mean what have I done that I need forgiveness for? I have been a good daughter, good sister, good wife and will try hopefully to be a good mother too. If I have not accepted Jesus is that meant to be sin? She is in her 50's and I don't want to hurt her (especially sometimes at that age people may become slightly cynical too). My husband totally ignores her but I don't know how to politely tell her that I feel bad whenever she says something like that. I know this post may seem like a rant to few but I am feeling bad now and just wanted to get it out of me
Have you tried just politely but firmly telling her that your faith is your business and you find her comments hurtful and offensive? Then end it with, "Please stop."
It's a formula: "When you _______, I feel______. I want you to ______." It works for anything.
So for your case, it would be, "When you impose your religious beliefs on me I feel disrespected and invaded. I want you to stop bringing up your religion to me. Thank you."
I've used that formula for lots of uncomfortable situations. It's nice because you can be firm but polite at the same time. It doesn't always work, but it often does.
Good luck with her. She sounds like a real pain.
Ignore her ,she doesn't understand god and has been brainwashed.You husband is intelligent, tell him I said that
This is how their religion works - guilt and fear.
They just do not seem to understand how offensive this is. I have tried to explain to them.
I don't know if I would classify it as "offensive" as I think of her as a "motherly" figure and maybe overly concerned about my welfare.
I am not the one that needs to ask the question
And only you can answer it.
Why does it make you feel bad that she thinks you are not "complete"?Ok I thought you were asking me to answer you (besides introspecting). Anyway the reason I feel in spite of trying to be a good daughter and a good wife I am still not "good enough" or my life is incomplete unless I accept"Jesus as my Lord and Saviour". I have nothing against her beliefs and just wish elders also respected our views.
Tell her Jesus supposedly came to India and learned about god.
Jesus visit to India is still debatable and more ever she is elder to me and I don't like to be confrontational to elders.
I mean otherwise she is a nice lady and sometimes she even gives me home made cookies. And I sincerely think she doesn't realize that she is being "judgemental" and in advanced years people tend to get hurt much more easily too. I guess I will have to try somehow to explain politely although I don't know how.
- pgrundyposted 15 years ago
0Well she is a motherly figure and I can't imagine talking to someone who is even older than my mother like that. Well next time when I run into her I will try to tell her that it makes me feel bad and I will take it from there.
PS: Thanks for the wonderful advice as always
- pgrundyposted 15 years ago0
I know you will handle it beautifully. She's probably lonely, and when she sees how it bothers you, hopefully she will stop.
I hate to see people taking advantage of you, but you're so nice. I can't imagine she can keep it up once you talk with her.You are right about her being lonely. And she once told me her life 's journey which was filled with so many problems and she said "thanks to God she found peace at last". Yes, I will try to explain that it makes me feel bad. Thanks Pam and I feel better already. I guess I was just ranting a little bit
We all need to rant now and then.
Good luck!
Mohit- Will convey your compliments
BlackButterfly- Thanks for your blessings
Pam- Indeed I was a little tired and wanted to just relax (and ranting certainly helped a little bit)Good Morning to you too. Thanks my friend for wishing the best for me but for now I prefer to lead my life the way I choose to(hope you understand).
I know you always have the best intentions for me
Accofranco- Yes the golden rule of "Live and let live" works perfectly. Btw don't praise me so much. Your praise may fill me with pride(although it feels good to be thought of positively and I am flying on cloud nine)
Do you consider present day Israel being part of "west"? And FYI Christianity is alive and doing well in US (I studied in Midwest and I know from personal experience). And again in matters of beliefs there never ever will be unanimity. And using terms like "false" religion or only "true" religion further complicates the issue. My take is as many people are there so many beliefs/views would be there. Let us all learn "to live and let live" after all we are humans first before any of these labels being attached to us.
PP- That's Hindi.
Jindagiko = Life
Savarde= Improve(set right)
Mola= God
God improve my life
PS: Thanks for your thoughtful response earlier.WOW!! Your Hindi is too good. Btw it has a little bit of Urdu too hence not "shudh" (pure) Hindi. Btw it is "tarah" instead of tadah.
Sorry CW I beg to differ here that it is in fact tadah and not tarah. Wish I could type in Hindi here, I would have proved you wrong
but if we start talking too much Hindi here then people will complain as this is an English forum.
Aur ha mere naam pe mat jaao as rightly said "What's in a name?"
You are burning out your negative karmas- look at it in a positive way- I do
- fierycjposted 15 years ago0
If the shoe fits..........
As for the convicting power of the holey spirit (Barbera D'Asti) - this is otherwise known as "guilt."
Blessed be the wine makers for they shall provide veritas in vino.
After I posted a comment yesturday I though about you all day. I use to go through the same thing with my grandmother and I realized that some people don't realize what they are doing, they don't know any better. To speak to and push you into her beliefs or her life is a motherly instinct,in that she made you feel like a child being scorn.Peace be still your first thoughts when she said what she said is how you should express it if you don't want to hurt her feelings try putting it in a card some people may need a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.
Maguijo- Thanks for your advice and also Pgrundy indeed has wealth of wisdom to offer.
Blackbutterfly- I agree we need to mix the bitter with the sweet for the pill to be swallowed.
JadedPoet- Thanks for the empathy. And I will see what I can do. I will let you folks know whenever I have "that" talk next time.countrywomen, I know the feeling that you're talking about. It's one of the reasons why I think I wind up "pandering" when I feel confronted about religion: I would hate to think that I made anyone feel the way that many Christians once made me feel.
This woman is misguided: God doesn't need to forgive you for your lack of believe in Jesus. As far as I know, not believing isn't a sin. I'm sure that what she meant was that she would pray for your salvation and that you would find Him.
Coming from someone like me (a Christian, that is), this is intended as a compliment. "I care about you and therefore I want you to find the happiness that I have found in Christ Jesus." To someone like you (someone not a Christian), it comes across as condescending and ultimately rude.
I completely respect your feeling of not wanting to stand up to this woman as your elder. I wish that more of us in the Western world were raised that way. We are going downhill fast with regard to basic respect and human courtesy. You are very gracious, and a kind woman. A role model
Mark is right, however: you have control over your feelings. It is often very difficult to take the bull by the horns (so to speak) and control the direction of our emotions but it can be done. This woman doesn't mean to be condescending (even if she comes across that way). Knowing that may or may not help you to take control -- that depends a great deal on individual personality.
I would like to honestly add here that as a Christian, I do *not* (big emphasis on not) believe that I am superior or better than anyone else. To state that one is praying that God will forgive your sin is to imply superiority -- that grates on me a lot. Jesus himself said that we should not point out the speck in our brother's eye when we are ignoring the log in our own.
Please don't feel obligated to extend your friendship to this woman. It is unfortunate that she is lonely, but you are not obligated to her. Having entered into marriage, I feel that it is best that you respect your husband's wishes and put him before this woman -- I personally believe you'll both be happier that way!
Sorry this was so long! Argh!EM- Thanks for your kind words. I hope you didn't feel bad about my earlier posts in another thread (and I apologized for the same). Yes my husband indeed is very important but she has been my neighbor for more than 2 years(and as far as possible I don't like to let go of old relationships). I will try my best to politely discuss this with her. Thanks a lot for your concern. Have a great day.
countrywomen: I don't feel bad, and I appreciate it. I only know it's safer for me to not get involved in debate as I tend to get my feathers ruffled more easily than most.
I hope I wasn't guilty of ruffling your feathers
LOL no, countrywomen! You are very respectful and I really enjoy reading what you have to say!
You guys should phone her up and tell her you are doing so
Taste of her own medicine, Mark?
Oddly, I guess I tend to think like that! Shame on me, it's not very nice, is it?Nice is not a word in my vocabulary. I don't know whether pointing out people's faults is good or not. I guess you could say you were helping her to grow and be a better christian?
Or you could find you are talking to a brick wall.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and suggestions. I would try to avoid a confrontation but politely convey that I feel bad when she says those things to me
Thanks EM
Even if I lie it wouldn't be sufficient since she would then keep expecting me to also visit the church and meet her friends. I went once and it was mostly elderly folks (and I am not particularly looking forward to another similar experience).
I should have known better that you were pulling my leg.
Come on please don't call her a "nut case" which even my husband sometimes mentions about her like that. She is an elderly lonely woman (and maybe all she needs sometimes is a patient ear to listen to her). Btw I am officially Hindu (but not very religious).
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