I really do love my girlfriend and i'll do anyhting to stay with her so would you please be able to give me some advice.I know what i did is wrong and i feel horrible and disgusted for doing it so please don't comment giving me grief for what i did. I might be only 18 and you will say this is very young but i've never loved any one like i love my girlfriend i literally can't imagine my life without her.
I'll start from the beggining...
Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months (not long i know but we love each other very much) our realtionship was perfect she made me so happy and i did her she is so beautiful and has the perfect personality i couldn't ask for anything else. Last week i moved to university she is also moving but not till the week after me, we're only about 40 minutes apart so we obviously wanted to stay together. I got there and as it was freshers week everyone was out getting drunk going to partys and all the rest, as much as i did miss my girlfriend i hardly spoke to her and over the 5 days i sent one text and had a 5 minute phone call, something i feel bad for alone. However on on wednesday i made the worst mistake of my life, we went to this massive party at this club i was extremly drunk and i can hardly remember any of the night, this is when i made the worst mistake of my life, one of the girls that i live with kissed me and i kissed her back there was nothing to it and i really don't know why i did it i love my girlfriend so much and i've never even thought of cheating before i didn't give any signs to this girl that i was interested but for some reason even unknown to me i kissed her back!
I woke up in the morning and realised what i had done the guilt washed over me and i realised i had to tell my girlfriend i couldn't lie to her it would kill me i love her so much and i ha to tell her everything, i knew there was a good chance she would break up with me but i had to tell her anyway. I got home as quick as i could and went straight to her house it was quite late as i missed a few trains and she was out i rang her sobbing telling her i was at hers and needed to speak to her, when she came home i confessed all she asked a few questions such as what her name was etc, but after that nothing she said she was speechless and that she wasn't angry sad or upset but that she just felt nothing at all absolutely nothing. I cried all night telling her how sorry i was and how much i loved her, in the morning we sat together and reminissed about all the good times we had together i couldn't stop crying and then she said she needed some time to think about everything and she went shopping with her friend and for soemthing to eat during the day. In the morning i was literally suicidal i thought i was never going to get her back and that my life wasn't worth living if she wasn't in it (this is something i told her) i walked home from hers it took me ages and every time i crossed a road i though would it be so bad if a car hit me (a really bad though i know) eventually i got in and sat on my laptop looking through photos of her crying and then i decided that there was no chance i'd get her back unless i did soemthing about it. I went into town and got her some presents firstly some facewipes i noticed she'd ran out then a nice chococlate selection with I'm sorry written across a bar attached, i also got her some favorite perfume and a bunch of 6 roses 1 for each month that i've loved her, i got her a card then went to a cafe and worte her a four page long apology i went to her house and left it all in her room for her to see when she came back.
She rang me a few hours later we both started crying she was saying how nice it was and she could tell i was sorry and i loved her, i asked to go down and she agreed we sat and talked for ages and for the first hour or so it seemed like she had forgiven me then we started to kiss and she suddenly seemed really unhappy i realised she was thinking about what had happened. I explained to her how bad i felt and that it would never happen again cause then i would definatley lose her and i couldn't live without her she said that she wished she didn't love me and that she couldn't understand why i had done it. i said that i could understand her being angry and hating me but i loved her so much and was so sorry she said she could tell i was sorry i said i didn't want to lose her and she said she didn't want to lose me, we both really want to stay together. We watched some TV and ended up sleeping together however after she seemed really distant. We eventually fell asleep after some more talking. Half way through the night she got up and went and slept in another bed i went over and asked her to stay in the same bed with i reitereated how much i love her and how sorry i was. i got in bed with her and i cuddled up to her but she still seemed really disatant in the morning she got up really early and did some cleaning I went over to her and then we sat next to each other on the bed. I started to cuddle up to her and we laid down feel asleep all cuddled together like we used to we woke up and she told me she loved me i told her that i loved her so much and would never stop loving her, we started to kiss quite passionately and started undressing each other then she said she wasn't sure, she then told me how much she missed me and that she loved me i told her how sorry i was and kept telling her how much i loved her we then slept together again after this things seemed really great almost back to normal i went and got us some breakfast and then went home, i'm going back to uni tomorrow and she's moving as well so its likely we won't see each other for at least two weeks, I asked to see her tonight cause i left somehting at hers and she said she'll think about it one otehr thing that sounds really petty but really does mean something is she isn't putting any kisses on the end of her texts when she used to put loads and always tell me she loved me (i do the same and have continued to do). As soon as we were apart though i couldn't stop thinking about what I'd done I feel absolutely disgusted in myself i don't want to lose her she's my whole world and i don't want one drunken mistake to ruin everything.
Sorry if it is a bit long i just didn't want to leave anything out i feel so guilty and i really do love her and i really am sorry
any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks alot
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