Would you choose..

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   Engeltaposted 9 years ago

   to be loved or to be feared?
   and why?

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      Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      How is that a contest? I can imagine very few who would choose the latter. And those who would will have a very lonely existence with few moments of value to look back on.

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      The Examiner-1posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I would choose to be loved, or at least liked. It is more likely that I would have friends.
      
      To be feared would only send people away. It is even possible that they would become enemies.

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      Fred Arnoldposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Are you talking about from a position of power? Because most who aren't in that position will choose love.

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      blessedpposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I would certainly choose to be loved.

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      angryelfposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Both- because my love better fear doing something really wrong. LOL!

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         Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         hahahahaha, you are so right!

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      Phyllis Doyleposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting question. To be feared can create a lonely existence. To be loved is knowing that people accept me for who I am. Now, there is a time to be feared -- such as when a wild animal looks at me as supper. However, when it comes to people, being feared is, IMHO, the same as being hated. And why would one choose to be hated? I look at some world leaders and cannot grasp why they have chosen a life of being feared. Sure they have power, but what does that do to their spirit? To have power and be feared is one of the most destructive things in the world. I do believe that some world leaders must actually hate themselves and have no interest in growing spiritually.
      
      To answer the question: I would rather be loved by people. JanShares always has something to say that I am in total agreement with:
      "The greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."

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      Marisa Wrightposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I find it strange that anyone would ask such a question.  Surely only a psychologically disturbed person would choose the second one?
      
      If you are feared, then you are at the top of the pyramid - but you're alone.  Only a megalomaniac is going to get enough satisfaction from that.  Anyone else would feel isolated. 
      
      You mention the example of being feared by a dog. I would hate it if my dog obeyed me out of fear, cowering in case I hit him.  The benefit of owning a dog comes from the unconditional love a dog gives its loving owner.

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   relacheposted 9 years ago

   As both of those choices are really up to the people around me, I'm going to focus on my actions and what feels right to me and those outcomes, and people can decide for themselves how they wish to feel about me.
   
   I know there are people who feel both ways about me, both in virtual and meatspace.

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   jansharesposted 9 years ago

   To be loved. Why?
   "The greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return." From "Nature Boy," Eden Ahbez, composer

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      Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      And Moulin Rouge.

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   Engeltaposted 9 years ago

   Thank you all of you for taking the time to think and reply. I asked this question, because even though it may seem like a simple one [of course 'love' !], in fact it is not.
   And it goes deeper. I will answer only to the "I choose fear" because as I see, you all chose love and gave reasons.
   Well, I choose fear, because it is better to be feared than loved. Because someone who loves you, can get mad at you, can hate you in the same rate that he loved you, and maybe just maybe he will kill you.
   Someone that is afraid of you? He will do nothing except following you around like a well trained dog.
   
   ps: I do not say this is the right answer, I do not say that you are wrong. To this discussion there is no right answer, I am enjoying all your answers.

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      bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree.  People don't like to live in fear, so they seek to overthrow and conquer that which seeks to control them.  If loved, you wield control even though it may not be your intent at all, simply because those who love you, seek to please you.  Your expressed concerns are not valid regarding those who truly love you.

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         Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         This is a good point too. My intention is to warm up the discussion. This is not what I think though. This is what I have heard from others, and I wanted to discuss it with you, to learn your own view points.

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      Jayne Lancerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I choose love and respect, and the people I choose to have in my life are people I'm able to love and respect.
      
      People can overcome fear, by the way--and then what?

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      manatita44posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Well Engelta,
      
      "Because someone who loves you, can get mad at you, can hate you in the same rate that he loved you, and maybe just maybe he will kill you."
      
      These actions will make you feel uncomfortable, right? Afraid?  Would this make you choose the very thing, 'fear,' you seem to imply would make you feel uneasy?

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   Chinaimportposted 9 years ago

   Love, of course.  You should read this http://tinybuddha.com/blog/love-versus-fear/

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      Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      This link you just posted reminded me of a movie: The green light I think, where Black Lively and Ben Affleck were the main actors. The story was that of: Worlds in other universes used different feelings and emotions to generate power and energy for their planet. The movie is a great example of how will can conquer fear.
      I hope that love can do it too.

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   Melissa Noonposted 9 years ago

   To be loved. There's no other way

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   spartucusjonesposted 9 years ago

   I think it also depends on how you define fear. I wouldn't want people to be morbidly in fear of me, but fear doesn't always have to be negative. For example one definition of fear is reverential awe. Also there are healthy forms of fear. To illustrate, because we love our parents we wouldn't want to do anything to hurt or displease them. A healthy fear at times also might help us to take necessary precautions and avoid needless risks when faced with dangerous situations. 
   
   Going back to the question of which is better, I actually feel that true love can include a healthy fear (fear of not wanting to hurt or disappoint). So my answer would be both.

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      bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      True love produces many bi-products, among which is respect.  One doesn't need fear to command respect, it can be earned.

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         spartucusjonesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         My point is, that one definition of fear includes the aspect of respect (reverential awe). So it depends on how you define fear. Fear doesn't has to be morbid and negative (unless of course that is the definition you choose to use). Also fear of not wanting to hurt someone that you love is certainly a positive thing (once again, not a morbid fear).

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            bBereanposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            Understood.  Particularly used biblically, "fear the Lord".

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               spartucusjonesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Exactly! But in principle I feel it can extend to anyone who we have love for. I feel that a deep respect for someone can be considered a type of fear (based on the reverential awe definition).

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      Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Your idea is interesting, but I do not really support it. Fear is a negative feeling in itself. It could be positive only if it generates other emotions like the Will to overcome fear.

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         spartucusjonesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Once again, it depends on how you define fear. Morbid fear is always negative. Having a reverential awe (or respect) for someone isn't. Not wanting to hurt those that you love is certainly not a negative.

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            Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            Deep down we all fear each-other. We fear the enemy we may find at the other when we cross over them.

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               spartucusjonesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Maybe, but I am not talking about the type of fear we would have for an enemy. The definition of fear I am referring to is the idea of reverential awe. You generally don't have that type of deep respect for an enemy.

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                  Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                  I believe you have become a theologian, my friend.

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                     spartucusjonesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                     I wouldn't say that, but the use of Biblical language does interest me. Also words that we use generally have more that one definition (that is definitely the case with Hebrew and Greek that was use in writing the Bible).

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                        Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                        How very intuitive you are. Awesome.

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                           spartucusjonesposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                           Thanks!

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               rebekahELLEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               Not really.  I suppose it depends on what and how you feed your mind.

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               Phyllis Doyleposted 9 years agoin reply to this

               "Deep down we all fear each-other." ?    Who informed you of that fallacy? I know more and more people these days who are listening to their soul and following their heart -- doing their best to bring peace to the world and save Mother Earth -- that is love.

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   Kathleen Odenthalposted 9 years ago

   um, definitely love! why would i rather be feared?

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   incomeguruposted 9 years ago

   Why should I be feared? The ultimate thing is for people to love me.

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    taiwokareemposted 9 years ago

    To be loved. To be feared is a dreadful thing

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       Sed-meposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       How well said.

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    Engeltaposted 9 years ago

    I love how you all choose love That is a good thing. Faith in humanity: restored.

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       relacheposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Not all of us did. 
       
       Faith in the ability of humans to read:  remains the same.

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    Engeltaposted 9 years ago

    @relache I think you have something with me going on here. Well, if you read carefully, they all said they would rather choose love than fear.
    
    When you close your mind, you feel it with your heart I think. But, you are right, people feed their mind with the most cruel or kind things, and think that they feel those things too.

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    Kiss andTalesposted 9 years ago

    Great question ,To be loved is the most wonderful thing that can happen, and love can cover many subjects ,but as humans we want to be loved,and many people make it mutual . Fear can be unhealthy or healthy. The fear to displease the ones you love even though you have the power to act different. Fear can be unhealthy in the since that you fear a dark room .because you do not know what is there. So you can love and have a normal fear of hurting some one you love. That is how both work together.

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    Yousif Mohammedposted 9 years ago

    Love
    
    It is the only thing you get in return.

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    MuellerWordsmithposted 9 years ago

    Niccolo Machiavelli said: “it is much safer to be feared than loved because ...love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.”
    
    I tend to agree.

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       Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Yeap, that was what I mentioned earlier on this discussion. It sounds right, no?

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          MuellerWordsmithposted 9 years agoin reply to this

          Oh well excuse me princess, I suppose I have nothing to add to the conversation then.

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             Engeltaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

             You got me wrong. I did not say that as long as I mention something you have nothing new to add. It is a question in the end. So I wrote that response to emphasize the fact that someone finally understood why some choose fear instead of love. Do not take it the other way.

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                MuellerWordsmithposted 9 years agoin reply to this

                Ah, well in that case I thank you.

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