How do I know if my partner is emotionally abusive or if I am just overly sensit

1. 49

   AllyJposted 14 years ago

   How do I know if my partner is emotionally abusive or if I am just overly sensitive?
   
   I am 6 months pregnant and the father of my baby is either very supportive and happy, or very emotionally upset and angry with me for making the choice to not terminate.  He says he feels I have robbed him of his life.  I was recently diagnosed with gestational diabetes and he told me it was a consequence of my choice to be pregnant.  He doesn't hit me or throw things...nothing physical.  But I never know when I'll get the text telling me he's miserable or get the silent treatment or looks of anger.  I never know if he'll be happy or quiet and angry towards me.  Is this emotional abuse?

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2. 84

   donotfearposted 14 years ago

   Yes! Sounds like emotional abuse to me, and very familiar, I must say from experience.  Until you speak up and voice your own feelings, it will continue.  If you are afraid of a physical assault, don't stand up to him in anger.  But it's your right to take up for yourself. You don't deserve to be demeaned & bullied in this manner, especially in your delicate condition!  Please speak to a professional counselor, whether he goes or not. Please, don't let yourself be tormented and beat down. You deserve happiness in this special time of your life!

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3. 0

   Jawa Lunkposted 14 years ago

   Sounds like you both should seek counciling, from the sounds of it, he may be bi-polar(manic-depressive).
   
   But that's just an opinion from your post...you need to seek professional help.

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4. 60

   GoGrannyposted 14 years ago

   Could also be that he is nervous about becoming a father and doesn't know how to express it or never learned that it is OK for a man to be afraid. Do you think he is worried about living up to the expectations of being a father? Are there financial constraints? Is he afraid that his life will change so dramatically that he will miss out on 'fun'? You didn't mention your ages... if you are very young that could be why his behavior is erratic... because of immaturity. You need to find a good mood moment to talk to him calmly about this issue. If he really loves you he will listen. If it only makes him angry then he is selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. And yes, it is possible that you are more sensitive...but that is not uncommon with pregnancy. If he could try to read about the emotional toll of pregnancy on the mother and the father maybe he would understand his fears and your feelings better, and treat you better.

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5. 84

   stricktlydatingposted 14 years ago

   It seems like your partner is having difficulty dealing with your pregnancy. He is in two minds about it. It seems like he wants to support your decision and be there for you and the baby but at the same time he feels he was not ready for this life-changing event.  It's not that you're being over-sensitive, he's going through strong emotions about the situation which may differ by the day and you're feeling the brunt of it because he's unable to be supportive of you all of the time.  Communicating about your feelings with eachother more often may be the answer. Or he could just need more time to sort through his feelings and really only time will tell whether he'll get his act together and can make this feel like the most exciting time in your life, or whether you'll feel more emotionally secure without him. I wish you all the best.

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6. 74

   Laura du Toitposted 14 years ago

   Although I am not qualified to give a professional opinion and the information given is very limited, based on what you have said I would say that this is a form of emotional abuse.
   
   Emotional abusers are emotionally and  psychologically  immature and are always looking for somebody to blame for their unhappiness. If he is blaming you now for his unhappiness the chances are there that he will blame you and your unborn child for any future failures that he experiences.
   
   By transferring his own feelings of anger and hurt about the pregnancy  to you it will give him a perception of being in control and allow him to avoid the issue of his own insecurities and self-perceptions. The fact that he is very egocentric also leans towards the profile of an emotional abuser.
   
   If you are unable to rely on him for support now I would seriously question his ability to provide you with emotional support should you ever experience serious financial or other problems.
   
   I do not think that you are being over-sensitive. I think you have seen the first warning signs and the fact that you are asking the question leads me to believe that you yourself feel that you are being emotionally abused.
   
   My suggestion is that you seek professional advice if you think that there is a chance of building a healthy long-term relationship with your partner.

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7. 60

   h2oforthegaslitposted 14 years ago

   Take this quiz and follow the links for information on gaslighting, AllyJ. Good luck to you, dear.
   
   http://hubpages.com/hub/Gaslighting-How … ing-Abused

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8. 60

   karycterposted 14 years ago

   Sounds like he is trying to do the right thing but his feelings don't always match and come out sometimes.  Either way, what he is doing is hurtful and unhealthy.  Not only is it not good for you, it is not good for the baby.  Babies can pick up on stuff like that, even in the womb.  I recommend saying a lot of loving things to your baby to affirm its place in this world.  It wasn't your choice to be pregnant.  He is the one who got you pregnant.  It was his choice to have sex with you.  He can't blame you for the consequences of his actions and he shouldn't expect you to have an abortion if you don't want one.  You are not required to and should not be required to.  Abortions can be very hard on women.  My advice is to give yourself some distance yourself in a healthy way.  While being a single parent is tough, it sounds like this guy is only going to make it harder, not easier.  You don't have to cut him completely out of your life, just enough to relieve some of the emotional roller coaster craziness and to lessen the amount of unkind words you hear.

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9. 76

   safe-at-lastposted 14 years ago

   Hi there. From what you have said, I believe you are the victim of an abusive partner, although whether or not he is being purposefully abusive would be a hard thing to determine, even for a proffessional. Try speaking to him about it and point out that, whether or not it is intentional, his behaviour is causing you a great deal of emotional distress and is unacceptable.  He can get help if he wishes to change his behavior, but he must take responsibility for his actions and be the one to decide to change. You also need to seek some proffessional guidance (for your own well being and that of your child). Hopefully it will be a journey of emotional growth that you and your partner embark on  together, but if he cannot take responsibility for his behavior and chooses not to seek help, then you need to embark on that journey alone.
   Please read my articles on my hub, especially "Emotional Abuse - A Silent Killer", and "The Fine Art of Institutional Grooming". The first will help you to recognise any abuse that is being perpetrated against you, and hopefully inspire you to make the decisions you need to make.  The second will help you to recognise the signs if, in the future, things get worse and he continues to be abusive to you and/or starts to manipulate your friends/family, his friends/family, and the system. It will also hopefully reinforce the importance of your decision to change .
   The best advice I can give you is KEEP A DIARY. Even if you only make brief notes of any incidents, conversations or fights, so you always have a clear memory of things as time goes by.  It will help keep you sane. Personally, I would suggest you do not tell him about it, and I would keep it in a safe place.
   On a more positive note, things can get better, you just have to choose to make them better. It will be a hard decision to make and the journey just as difficult, but more than worth the effort. The best thing for your child is not staying in a difficult relationship "for the child's sake", it is doing whatever is best for YOU. Your baby will thrive under the nurturing guidance of a happy, functional mum. Help is available, you just have to find it and then ask for it!
   Please read my other hubs for inspiration and enlightenment.
   Let your light shine, stay positive and good luck. I hope your situation improves.

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10. 60

    LeeWallsposted 13 years ago

    Eventually emotional abuse will escalate into physical abuse. I don't think it's fair for you to bring up a child in that type of environment. The child doesn't deserve it nor you.
    
    If he's the bread winner, he feels he's in control, however don't let that frighten you, an abuser is never in control or else he wouldn't abuse.
    
    Seek professional advice immediately. If you're a wreck have you ever thought what that's doing to the baby? Don't forget he wanted you to terminate and don't think having the baby will change things.
    
    It may get to the point where you will have to put a restraining order on him and if he gets visits with the child it will be with supervision. My best to you.

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