Do I leave my boyfriend or stay with him after he has agreed to marry me but sti

1. 57

   robeeenposted 12 years ago

   Do I leave my boyfriend or stay with him after he has agreed to marry me but still doesn't want to?
   
   I was a single mother for the first 8 years of my child's life.  I met my current boyfriend 5 1/2 years ago.  He wouldn't discuss marriage and after much turmoil I left him 2 years ago.  He bought me an amazing ring and we got back together (we owned a house together too which complicated things).  Ever since then, he avoided the topic of marriage again so I brought it up recently.  He initially said he needs more time.  We are in the middle of moving so I indicated if I should leave him now is the time.  Now he says, "if that's what you want I will do it" but I can tell he doesn't want to.

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2. 73

   danielleantoszposted 12 years ago

   I think it depends upon how important marriage is to you. It sounds like he either doesn't want to get married or really isn't ready.  I don't advice you pressuring him  into it or he will resent you.

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3. 80

   Seeker7posted 12 years ago

   It depends on how much marriage means to you or how much your boyfriend means to you? Which one is the most important of the two?
   
   Do you feel that marriage is more secure? Is it for the sake of your child? You need to work out exactly why you want marriage so much.
   
   If your boyfriend is the most important of the two, then, for now at least, I would back off a bit and give him time and space. Later on you could try saying that you would like to put time aside to discuss the issue of marriage. But be prepared that you boyfriend might just not feel marriage is right for him and he may feel the relationship is better without it. In this case you really need to decide what you want out of life - your present boyfriend or a possible marriage with someone else.

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4. 57

   robeeenposted 12 years ago

   Thank you for your responses, I will think about them in depth while I try to figure this out. 
   
   I know I definitely don't pressure him.  Years went by and I never brought it up, in fact after he bought me the ring I waited 2 years to bring it up and that was after he was talking about the next house we should by and the child he wants to have.  I feel insulted that he bought me a ring and didn't mean it.
   
   They are both very important, what makes it tough is that he's a great guy to me and to my son, but I can't imagine being 40 and all of this time wasted while I remain a girlfriend.  I would like to have another child too and I absolutely won't have another one without being married (I did it like that the first time).  I'm almost 36 and there's really not much time left to have a child so that wish is almost out of the picture. 
   
   We currently have our new place and my stuff is in it but my realtor said we can't move out of our old place yet... so we wait, and the clock is ticking and I have to make a decision quick.  I'm so torn   I feel like I'm giving up a big piece of myself.

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5. 68

   hpedneauposted 12 years ago

   That's a tough situation, especially if your child has grown up around him. I personally wouldn't marry someone if their response was "if that's what you want I will do it."  It should be the best day of your life, and there is no way it will be if it's not something both of you want. I agree with the previous posts. If you're relationship is good, and there are no underlying issues then maybe it would be worth waiting for until he is ready. Again, if it were me (and there were no serious issues in the relationship) I would stick around a little while longer.

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