Is there anything you regret not having asked your mother?

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   kallini2010posted 11 years ago

   Is there anything you regret not having asked your mother?
   
   We usually regret things we have NOT done, questions we have NOT asked... not the other way around...
   
   

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   JThomp42posted 11 years ago

   Yes, Several things. But, at this point in my life I wouldn't want to hurt her. So they shall remain unanswered.

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      loveofnightposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I so know what you mean....

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   watergeekposted 11 years ago

   What a sweet photo! I came here just for that. Late in life, not long before she died, I asked my mother what she had wanted to do with her life when she was young. She told me the only thing she'd ever wanted was to be a famous singer.
   My heart sank, because I'd had no idea, and she could have been one under different circumstances.
   
   I sooo wished that I had asked that question when I was younger. And probably many others like it. Our family broke up when I was 14 and, having gone to live with my father, this pointed out how little I really knew her.

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      kallini2010posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      We really don't know people even the ones who are closest to us.  I now question how well I knew my ex, how I could live with him all these years and why.

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   Garifaliaposted 11 years ago

   Strange as it might seem sweet Kallini, some mothers are useless when it comes to raising children. One fo those was my distant, troubled mother. There was nothing I could have asked her for she was not in a position to give any replies; not even about female things. She was the example I was determined not to follow. I do, however, regret not having given her more love and understanding when I was younger. But then agian, it's the lioness who should guide and protect the cub, not the other way around. Thank you for helping me think of my mother again (I do think of her every day) but in a different light.

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      kallini2010posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I understand that it is very painful for you to come to terms with even thinking about your mother, but unfortunately we don't all have the best mothers.  We don't choose our parents, but the very least that we all get is the gift of life.

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   Violet Flameposted 11 years ago

   When I was quite little, maybe about 3, I was bullied by two older girls in the village. I distinctly remembered wearing a pretty necklace made of colourful plastic beads, the only pretty thing I was ever given and the only time I remembered feeling happy and pretty. The two girls saw me in the ally way and for no reason at all just tore it forcefully off my neck and it flew into numerous pieces all around me. They laughed loudly at me and walked away. I felt extremely hurt. I went home to my mother and told her, expecting justice would be done by my protector. But she just waved me away, too busy to be trifled by it and mumbling something like "it's ok". Hence I never learned to stand up for myself in life and would act like a dumb mute if someone ever abuse me verbally. I waited many years and one day I finally asked her why she did not fight for me that day. To my great astonishment, she said the exactly same thing. " Just get over it, you shouldn't pay them any attention," said she. I told her I felt injured by her inaction more than those bully's action, but she simply waved it away, again. I don't know why I feel so affected by this little incident but every time someone hurt me, I would remember that defenceless 3-year-old and feel powerless to protect myself. Perhaps I am better at standing up for myself now that I am older, but it didn't come easily.

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      watergeekposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'LL defend you! Three years old is way too young to be treated like that.  Little kids are all about emotion. When she brushed off your feelings, it's as though YOU were not important, but you were/are. Wonder how she was treated when she was young?

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      Violet Flameposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank You watergeek! You are very sweet! I don't know how she was treated but I think she had to learn to  shoulder life's responsibility when she was still very young. Her life is all about self sacrifice instead of gratification.

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      Denise Handlonposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'll second watergeek's comments!  What she did (TWICE) was not validate you.  This is very significant and emotionally hurtful.  You are important and valued!

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      Garifaliaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Dearest Violet, while I understand your sentiments, your mother was lost in more severe to her things like getting the food on the table or recovering from insults she had been receivng, perhaps
      from your father.To her the children's act was trivial

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      kallini2010posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, everybody, for participating in the discussion - sometimes such  a small and seemingly insignificant thing is all that upsets the balance in our upbringing.  I had more than this even though I know that my mother loves me.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   There are so many things I would ask.  My mother died when I was 15 and at that age, I didn't know the questions to ask.  But if I had the chance I would want to know how she felt about all kinds of things.

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      kallini2010posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The more I hear about people, the more I realize how tough life gets for many of us.  People lose their loved ones to illnesses, addictions, suicides, et cetera.  Is there anything more important that family and love? Friendship?

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   baygirl33posted 11 years ago

   Oh so much,Kallini!
   I was 26 when she died and was in the throes of looking after 3 kids of my own plus my 4 siblings who now had no mother. People who know their mother and know love in that relationship seldom know how lucky they are. My mother was lost in the bottle.There was never a chance,it seemed,to ask and never an expectation of an answer that was not degrading.
   Thanks for the question!

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      kallini2010posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I cannot say that "I know" how you feel, but I feel empathy.  I am grateful that I have my very imperfect family still and I have learned one lesson - "I am not allowed to leave the ship as long as I have any of them - my parents and my son.

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   Denise Handlonposted 11 years ago

   Yes...but, who knows when it's one's time to leave this earth.  We spend much of our time wishing and wondering in a sea of regret and asking ourselves, "if only I knew I would have done___differently", such as asking these important, burning questions.   Yet, how important are these questions in the end...
   
   Sometimes, it is much simpler to be able to be fully present in the moment, hold someone's hand and share in the quiet of that time...silence often speaks what a million words cannot say.

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   puregraceposted 11 years ago

   I wish I could have asked her about her childhood...and written down the things she told me about her parents and her sisters, life in the village she lived in in Holland...the war time...working in the tulips, and as a maid in people's houses. She has gone on now, and I'll see her again one day!

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      kallini2010posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your answer.  I think sometimes that is the reason why we should write sometimes - so someone some day can read - it's hard to tell stories to your children when they are not fully ready...

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    haikutwinkleposted 11 years ago

    Yes, there were many ... but they are not important now.
    Right now, treasuring the precious moments with an aging mother will be a more important priority than all past regrets.
    
    Some things are best left unsaid in order to protect the heart from breaking.
    If the hearts are safe, naturally the life will be a harmonious one...

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    loso973posted 11 years ago

    yea the day i found out who i really was and was proud to have ask her that one question some times you have to wonder and ask yourself WHAT IF?

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