Do you think that lack of physical attention should excuse a marital affair?

1. 69

   Pamelahopkinsposted 11 years ago

   Do you think that lack of physical attention should excuse a marital affair?

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2. 65

   Rosana Modugnoposted 11 years ago

   I believe when one partner strays, it's because he just doesn't want to be in the marriage, for whatever reason that is.  Obviously there's something wrong and it should be addressed at some point.
   
   Should you excuse it? That's up to the person being cheated on.  It's a very personal choice to make.

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3. 97

   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   No, it should be cause for divorce if the person has no plans on continuing physical attention. It always amazes me how one spouse will basically give up on their part of the marriage, then get mad when the other person leaves them. There is never an excuse for an affair. If someone is unhappy they should leave. Marriage takes 2 people who will both put their all into a relationship. If one fails to do their part, and has been talked to then it's time to move on.

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   1. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you. Only in marriage do people expect their mate to stay loyal to them if they STOP doing things. If we stop paying the mortgage we lose our house and if we stop showing up for work we get fired. Physical intimacy nurtures a marriage.

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4. 73

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   Intellectually and morally the answer is clearly (no).
   However "neglect" can be a (driving force) that causes someone to look to cheat or give into temptation if an opportunity presents itself. If you neglect a garden it dies.
   One of the reasons for the statement about "forsaking all others" in wedding vows is based upon the belief we are marrying someone who will fulfill those needs and therefore we do not need to go elsewhere. When there's no food at home people will go out.
   The goal of any cheater is to hold onto all that is good in their primary relationship while addressing their other needs on the side.
   Not long ago AARP did a survey to find out which gender initiates divorce. They discovered that (women) file for 66% or 2/3rds of all divorces in the U.S. This would seem to imply that an unhappily married woman is more likely to file for a divorce while an unhappily married man is more likely to cheat.
   Truth be told I've never heard of a man running down to the courthouse to file for a divorce because his wife won't have sex with him.
   Awhile back I wrote a hub expressing more of my opinion regarding the question: Is bad sex a legitimate reason to end a relationship? http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … ationships

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5. 0

   Michelle Widmannposted 11 years ago

   I don't think anything excuses an affair. It excuses wanting to break up with the person and find someone who does give you that physical attention, but it does not excuse lying to your spouse (I say "your" generally). There is no problem that cannot be cured by communication, even if the cure means splitting up to find someone better for you. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, they should talk to their partner and come up with some ways to fix this problem of lack of attention, or they should talk about ending the relationship.
   
   The only way around this that I find morally acceptable is if both people in the relationship have openly discussed and agreed upon an "open" relationship. Lying and cheating isn't acceptable, to my belief, anyway.

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   1. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you. Walking away is better than cheating. Oddly enough most people feel there is (no excuse) for cheating and yet the first thing they say to a cheater is "Why?" Clearly it's a reflex or rhetorical question since no answer soothes them.

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6. 95

   Cardisaposted 11 years ago

   A relationship is made up of different facets including physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual fulfillment. Most people rely on the emotional fulfillment in order to be happy. When that is lacking they seek it elsewhere. In many cases people tie physical and emotional together as they believe that is the primary way to express themselves.
   
   When physical attention is neglected the partner feels emotionally deprived because of the connection. This is where they start to either seek attention elsewhere or when someone else shows any sign of caring they attach themselves to that person.
   
   Sometimes we need to ask why we would physically neglect our partner. Is is illness, depression or simply because we cannot be bothered?

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   1. 73

      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very true! The physically neglected person often feels the reason why they are being neglected is because their mate is no longer emotionally invested in them or the relationship. Feeling (desired) by our significant other is important to most of us

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7. 60

   nightwork4posted 11 years ago

   If you have tried to work it out and can't then leave. physical attention is just as important as any other part of a relationship . if a couple can't enjoy sex together and it bothers either, it might be time to go their separate ways.there is no excuse for having an affair but at the same time, if sex is gone, you have the right to be gone also.

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8. 60

   Brandon Tartposted 11 years ago

   Getting married does not promise physical compatibility, but does promise fidelity as one of its major tenets. For better or for worse.  You may not have to have sex before you are married to determine how important it is to your partner, but you have every right to probe the mind of your significant other as to how valuable and profound their sexual desires are. If a partner is offended about asking - "HEY - do you look forward to exploring your sexuality when you are married - having a healthy, playful and rewarding time discovering the power of your sexual nervous system?" then you may want to get back to hunting. Out and out - we do have desires, and if a man or woman is not willing to commit to their vows, then they'll have a problem. I suggest telling one's spouse that they are genuinely considering an affair if there are continued failures in this area.  At least you're being honest, and if you are afraid of the truth, then why are you married to begin with? It requires bravery to be sexual - let's be honest.  Cultures have made it dirty with odd beliefs, failing to answer the question as to why God made it feel so bloody good before he made it a sin.  My answer is yes and no, however, it does depend on why one's bride or groom is holding out, and why the other is going out for steak when it is clear that the burger has been ground - no pun intended. Part of marriage is being one, unified and sexually aroused by the presence of one's partner.  If this lacks, then their must be underlying reasons - this is self evident. If my wife was sexually abused and I knew this to be the case, then I'd be far less likely to consider an affair than if she is merely frigid - ie. I'd like to get her the psychiatric/spiritual help she needs to enjoy being a sexual creature.Society pressures a great deal of us to marry, however, not all of us are sexually potent, even though we might be intellectually superior, and cognitively healthy.  Some folks are asexual by nature.  They used to be called eunuchs, and not all of them were castrated.  Is it excusable???  Is it explainable.  In the end, logic (logos) is accompanied by passion/suffering (pathos).  Be reasonable - there are reasons why it is and why it is not excusable.  Is it "cheating" or is it being well fed.  We ALL have needs, and some of us don't need steak or burgers - that might be a need to avoid getting married due to its age old, and cherished implications. I love meat and potatoes and go vegan @ times.

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   1. 76

      stclairjackposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      hands down the best thing ive ever read on the subject within the confines of HP,... voted up!,... great answer

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