What causes so many women to put the welfare of their abusive and/or less than r

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   gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

   What causes so many women to put the welfare of their abusive and/or less than respectful husbands,
   
   boyfriends, committal partners, and significant others before the welfare of their precious children?
   It totally enrages me how many children suffer miserably, even murdered and maimed beyond repair,at the hands of abusive husbands, boyfriends, and/or significant others.Oftentimes, when the poor children complain, they are either ignored or blamed by the "mother."  Mothers are supposed to put their children first before anyone and this includes husbands, boyfriends, and/or significant others who are adults.Children are precious God-entities who are deserving of the utmost love/respect.
   
   

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   Brenda Durhamposted 10 years ago

   I don't know what you mean by "God-entities",  but I sure do agree that children are precious and deserving of the utmost love and respect!
   
   I can answer your question in part, having gone through a small (compared to some) situation of this subject.   My children were subjected to verbal mocking, blatant uncaring, and having cigarettes touched to their skin.   I myself got punched in the face as well as mocked, accused, and manipulated.   (Since I'm telling personal information here, I must say that it wasn't my husband who abused anyone; it was a boyfriend I had after getting divorced).
   
   I was selfish and scared at the same time.  I was totally wrong.  Any initial attempts I made at removing my children from the situation were changed by my fear of even worse repercussions upon my kids or myself and my naivete in thinking the abuser would see the error of his ways and "straighten up" as he promised he would so.  My final attempt worked, by the grace of God, and actually culminated in legal prosecution of the abuser.   I've been forgiven, by my children and by God;  yet my guilt still stands in my memory as a reminder of what I should never tolerate again.
   
   And while in actuality the fault is only on the abuser,  there are reasons (not excuses, but reasons) that many women don't protect their children in situations like that.   Two are the ones I said already.   Others are confusion and a sense of helplessness that pervades the mind of many women who are manipulated and controlled by an abusive man (note----sometimes the tables are turned and it's the woman who is the abuser and who manipulates the man;  but usually of course it's the man).
   
   And a mother who perhaps has a rebellious child and can perceive that that child might be lying or manipulating......may be apt to place some blame on the child (if they're a teen or etc.) simply because she's not sure who's telling the truth!
   
   I myself knew my children weren't to blame for anything;  they were entirely innocent.    Thank God they forgave me and still love me!  And I thank God for giving me the strength to finally remove my children and myself from the situation, and the local Marshall and County Prosecutor for helping me make that permanent.
   
   Like I said, those are some reasons.  NOT excuses though!
   Thank you for posting about this subject.   I sincerely hope that mothers today are stronger and smarter than I was at first,  and will not tolerate anyone abusing their children for even one day!

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      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      This is an important and timely question. So many children are abused and/or worse at the hands of abusive men, related or non-related.

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      Brenda Durhamposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes it is, gmwilliams,  very important and timely.    .....women especially are too naive and think a person can be "fixed" by their love and tolerance.   As in alcoholism, etc.----women keep hoping the man will change if he has her love and help.

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   Rad Manposted 10 years ago

   Please, lets not loose sight of the fact that it's not always men who abuse and hurt. Women can also cause emotional and physical trauma to both men and children. It's been my belief that the children should come first when parents separate for whatever reason. I think that starting a new relationship can send a message to the children that they are not first in the eye of the parent. In other words starting a new relationship will inevitable put the child off the pedestal.

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