Would it upset you if you learned your husband or wife gave their (ex) money to

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   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Would it upset you if you learned your husband or wife gave their (ex) money to help them out?
   
   Assuming his or her ex came to them asking for money or simply told them they were having a hard time. Would it upset you to learn your spouse withdrew money from an account to give to their ex? Would it matter to you whether the ex was single or married? Had no children? If your spouse asked you first before giving the ex money would you be okay with it?
   
   

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   Jykeith Comalposted 9 years ago

   If I knew nothing of the matter, yes it would upset me greatly. You have to be careful of the doors you reopen, it could cause a serios rift between you and your spouse. Also its a respect issues to inform your spouse of the supposed "need." Remember you guys are married. Also, how would you feel if it was done to you?

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Jykeith Comal, This is a hypothetical question.
      In fact it's the flip side of a question you asked;
      "What would you do if your wife asked her ex for money?"
      There are considerations in both households! Suppose your wife gave money to her ex?

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      Jykeith Comalposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      She did! She gave him $900! We still have distrust. This was a few years back. Because of respect and trust our marriage is blah.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Jykeith, I agree with you that it would cause trust issues. It's one thing for a man to give his ex (the mother of his child) money to help out and it's another for her to give him money without asking you. That's taking money out of your home.

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      Jykeith Comalposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      And that is all I am saying....Disrespectful. how do you spend our money, then ask for his? Where is Christianity in the relationship?

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure I would call it disrespectful as much as inconsiderate. Exes who have children together are forever tied to one another. Some people won't date those who have kids for that reason. The only option is to accept it or move on.

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   MsDoraposted 9 years ago

   I'd like to know about the hard times, and that giving the money is justified.  Then I would not be upset if my spouse helped out because the ex needed it.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      MsDora, You have a big heart!
      Not many wives I would imagine would be okay with their husband giving money to one of his ex girlfriends regardless of the hard times she is experiencing. Most people associate giving money with romantic interest.

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   cocquetteadamsposted 9 years ago

   My life is about helping those in need.  I am not concern about the title of ex, but more so the help needed.  I expect this to be a joint communication between myself and my husband, I expect it to be a joint decision made after going through the details. The situation is my concern and how can we help someone through difficult times is my goal in life. What would upset me, is the deceit in this matter, the lack of transparency and the risk that my husband would be willing to take in potentially harming our marriage for the sake of his ex.  In my case if things are handled in this negative way we would no longer have a marriage.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Essentially it would be stealing money from your household if there was no discussion. I suspect those who give money to exes behind their spouse's back do so because they (know) she/he would not approve of it.
      People lie to getaway with things.

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   peeplesposted 9 years ago

   This would depend solely on 2 things. Do the two of them have children together, and was it discussed with me? If they did not have mutual children I would not be okay with it. If they did have a child together the hard times would be irrelevant. I would expect my husband to give her money.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I agree that having children together makes all the difference especially if one is giving money to the custodial parent. I can't imagine many wives being okay with their husband giving money to ex girlfriends he had no children with.

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   realtalk247posted 9 years ago

   Yes. I would be upset if you are funding an ex with our household money.  If you don't have children with that ex there should be NO reason to provide financial assistance. That is out of line and disrespectful to your mate. Heck NO!
   If the person has a child with my mate then definately the question should be asked if it is okay.  I most likely would say no but it would depend on the situation.  The best way to stop this is for you (the other mate) to call the person and advise your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend explained you had a financial situation. What's going on?
   He/She is no longer in a relationship with you and with the end of that relationship, financial assistance ends.

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      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I agree if there are no children with the ex then any financial help given is a sign that there must still be "feelings" there.  Odds are they don't just help everyone that comes along!

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      Jykeith Comalposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for all your comments they were helpful

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   The Troofposted 9 years ago

   We always find it hard to put the shoe on the other foot.

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   peter565posted 9 years ago

   If it is from a joint account rather then her own separate account, then who care (unless she have romantic feeling for him, then it is different)

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