Should a wife allow her husband to attend the funeral of ex-wife who divorced hi

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  1. ngureco profile image80
    ngurecoposted 10 years ago

    Should a wife allow her husband to attend the funeral of ex-wife who divorced him 15 years ago?

  2. Attikos profile image81
    Attikosposted 10 years ago

    The question of whether or not she allows it should never arise. If he wants to go, she may poke fun at him about it, or should one of them feel too insecure for that she may either smile and say "Have a good time!" or scowl about it, but it is not her decision. She must either recognize that fundamental fact or face the less pleasant fact that her marriage is not a healthy one.

  3. DexisView profile image78
    DexisViewposted 10 years ago

    I guess for me the word "allowed" is problematic.  It is not up to the wife whether or not he decides to attend.  He and only he alone can decide that.  When we start telling our spouse or significant other what they can or cannot do, we stop being a partner and begin being a dictator.  Sure the wife can let the husband know how she feels, but the decision to go is not hers. 
    I know for certain that if my ex husband of many years or the man that I most recently loved for several years died, that I would absolutely attend their funeral and would expect that my current partner would understand that once you love on that level that a bit of that love always remains.
    It is about showing respect to those that have touched our lives,

    1. Acmontero profile image61
      Acmonteroposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Dexi you made a great point there. The question did say the word "allowed". in my own opinion, i will not be told what I can and can not do. The more I am told what to do the less i do it and vice-versa.

  4. MickS profile image59
    MickSposted 10 years ago

    I get a bit worried about spouses 'allowing' the others behavoir.

  5. Lisa HW profile image62
    Lisa HWposted 10 years ago

    I'm glad to see that several others have already raised the issue of that "allow" word.  Spouses shouldn't need other spouses to "allow" them to do anything (other than, maybe, if it came down to something like, maybe, allowing the other spouse to, say, borrow a camera or suitcase.

    I can't imagine what an ex-spouse's attending the other ex-spouse's funeral would even be seen as a big deal (unless the ex-spouse was an axe murderer or child abuser, for example).  Not every ex-couple turn the whole thing into a case of being vengeful and hateful enemies.  Also, some ex-spouses may want to attend the funeral because they have children with the dead spouse and want to be their to support their children in their time of having lost a parent.

    The way I see it, if the second wife makes a big stink over her husband's going to his dead ex-wife's funeral, there's a good chance she'll end up his second ex-wife (and although under the most extreme of circumstances, maybe even his second, dead, ex-wife      (lol)    ).  Honestly..    That word "allow" really ought to go because a lot of spouses don't take real well to it.   smile

  6. Diana Lee profile image81
    Diana Leeposted 10 years ago

    Why would she try to stop them or even question it?  They may not  have had an ugly divorce like some do. Wanting to be there for her family or possibly his kids is considerate in such a time as this.

  7. Acmontero profile image61
    Acmonteroposted 10 years ago

    I believe that it is only out of respect and correct that the ex-spouse of the deceased person should go. When a couple gets married there is a bond that is formed not only by them but by their families. It would be correct to go. Their should not be a jealousy issue in this situation. I would say yes, it is okay to go pay your respect.

    1. IslandBites profile image88
      IslandBitesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree.

  8. duffsmom profile image61
    duffsmomposted 10 years ago

    Wow, my husband and I don't "allow" each other to do anything.  We are both adults and make our own decisions. We both try to consider the other one's feelings when making those decisions.

    I would have no objection to my husband attending the funeral if he had an ex-wife.  It would be a nice show of respect and closure.

    1. ngureco profile image80
      ngurecoposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I used the word "allow" because no man can be the “head” of a lasting relationship unless the wife allows him to lead. In true Christian marriages, the Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman," (1 Cor. 11:3).

    2. Lady Guinevere profile image74
      Lady Guinevereposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      But the "neck" turns the head.  The scripture you use is from Paul and Jesus never said anything like that and Paul never met Jesus and never quotes from him. Nobody is above anyone else.  That is why divorce is our prob today.

  9. dashingscorpio profile image82
    dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

    No one actually (owns) anyone!
    Any man who needs "permission" to go to his ex-wife's funeral is a wimp in my opinion. There could be a variety of reasons why he wants to go. She may have been his first love, the mother of his children, they grew up together, or he had a tight bond with her family. Clearly his current wife doesn't have to worry about him having an affair with his ex! Sometimes jealousy is completely misplaced.

  10. IslandBites profile image88
    IslandBitesposted 10 years ago

    "Allow" issue aside, I dont see any reason why a person cant attend to the funeral of an ex. If my husband had an ex wife, I even would go with him to the funeral. I think i wont have problem with him attending an ex girlfriend funeral, and would also go with him.

    1. Acmontero profile image61
      Acmonteroposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I completely agree

  11. profile image0
    Mklow1posted 10 years ago

    Of course. I witnessed this recently with a relative. At one point in time, they were very important to each other, so there should be no harm to pay your last respects. Plus, it's not like they are going to reconnect.

    1. BobMonger profile image61
      BobMongerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      If they do there isn't much anyone can do about it. Good answer!

  12. wychic profile image80
    wychicposted 10 years ago

    As others have said already, I'd take exception to the word "allow." Personally, I feel that my husband is an intelligent, sentient person with whom I do have the right to either allow or disallow anything. He extends the same respect to me. If one of his ex-wives died and he wanted to go to the funeral, then I will see him off at the airport and watch the kids and animals while he's gone. His ex-father-in-law just died, and if we'd had the money then I'd have done the same for that funeral, regardless of the fact that his ex-wife will be there. He does what he wants, though I can't see being bothered either way. If my ex dies, I'll probably be going to his funeral too.

    1. wychic profile image80
      wychicposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      *do not have the right, that is -- grrr, must proofread before the editing period is over tongue

  13. Beata Stasak profile image81
    Beata Stasakposted 10 years ago

    Happy to see so much oppose reaction with the question raised. In this time and age we should not even considering asking it being it husband or wife forget about answering it. I don't own my husband and either he owns me, we are two strong and independent individuals who has built their home together based on mutual love, respect and consideration for each other individuality to raise our children and support each through life:)

  14. profile image0
    Larry Wallposted 10 years ago

    Setting aside the dispute about the word allow, the question is should one spouse go to the funeral of an ex-spouse. There are a lot of variables.
    If there were children from that marriage--the yes.
    If the couple managed to remain friends after the divorce--then yes.
    If the in-laws liked you and do not blame you for "ruining the life" of the spouse, the answer may be no.
    Ultimately it is an individual decision and be it husband or wife, that person should consider how the current spouse is going to react and why.
    Please, no one should make any assumptions. Neither my wife or I have been married before.

  15. brakel2 profile image76
    brakel2posted 10 years ago

    I know many men who attended ex-wives funerals.  It is his decision and not current wife's decision. The most important factor is offspring from that marriage. Many children need the support of their dad. Not all family members may be kind, but who cares?  The most disrespectful of all funerals was from the Kennedys over the death of Mary, Robert Kennedy Jr's ex wife.  Separate funerals took place  as the families were at odds. The Kennedys had their own funeral and talked about her alleged long standing emotional problems. It can get ugly , unfortunately, and not truthful.

  16. nanderson500 profile image80
    nanderson500posted 10 years ago

    I think so. The ex wife was (presumably) an important part of his life at one point. It seems right for him to attend her funeral, especially if they had children together. If he didn't attend, the kids would probably resent it and it would damage his relationships with them.

  17. IDONO profile image61
    IDONOposted 10 years ago

    It seems that the only reason the present wife would object would be because she wasn't invited. She had no part in that part of his life and for some, that's hard to accept.
         My ex- wife died after I had remarried. She was also remarried. Our sons attended the funeral, but I didn't, even though I still had a friendly relationship with her parents. I was very aware that her present husband was going through the toughest time of his life and my presence would only stress him more. Yet, knowing that funerals are for the support of the family left behind, I wanted to acknowledge concern for their loss. So, I sent a nice, ( not too much) flower arrangement with a card expressing my sympathy for her and all that were close to her. No one was offended or uncomfortable. Yet my feelings were known.

  18. AngelLambert profile image56
    AngelLambertposted 10 years ago

    I may be young, but I am no fool. If the man wishes to go to his ex wife's funeral, then let him. A relationship is built of trust and love. There is things like this that happen, and there is no need to strangle him for having a relationship that wasn't with you at first. You are together now and hopefully love each other. Trust each other. Allow him his freedoms. If you disagree with him going, let him know it and let him know why. There should be no secrets in a relationship, except a secret party for your love or such amazing things of love. Besides, he is his own man. Breath, he loved her at one time. If he feels the need to grieve for what could have been and what has been, let him. Love happens and is tough to get over. By the way, wouldn't you like to be able to do what you wish? How is he any different other than being a man and different anatomy bits. He loves you now so don't worry, especially since the dreaded ex-wife is no longer a possible problem. But grieve for her too. She made you man happy at some point in time, wouldn't you feel happy for him if he loved someone else and you loved him. Jealousy will appear, yes, but ur you see your guy smiling with joy and extreme elated happiness, would you really try to take him from that? Sorry off topic. Anyway, don't worry, he's not likely to be a necrophiliac ;P

  19. Ciel Clark profile image75
    Ciel Clarkposted 10 years ago

    Did the ex-wife have a twin sister? 

    Other than that particular scenario, I can't think of a reason why the wife would be bothered. When I asked my husband, "If I died, would you care if my ex came to the funeral?"   He said, "I'd be more offended if he didn't."

  20. Sychophantastic profile image87
    Sychophantasticposted 10 years ago

    Any wife who would need to think too much about that question is already in a relationship that is in trouble.

  21. profile image52
    ima bemedouposted 9 years ago

    I'm curious to know why you were (and quite possibly are) jealous of a dead woman? I mean, it's a funeral, and she's dead. What was the worst that could have happened?

  22. profile image51
    Kwndyrainposted 4 years ago

    Well my situation is a bit different.  My husband was dating the both of us simultaneously.  Once I found out about her I started seeing someone else n he married her to get back at me. Now that we're married I have mixed feelings about him attending her funeral. He doesn't want to go but her son his stepson wants us both to attend. Should I coax him into going?

  23. Doc Roberts profile image61
    Doc Robertsposted 4 years ago

    Setting aside the "allowance" part of the question, if my ex-wife had passed away, I'd go if for no other reason than just to make sure she's indeed deceased. Also having had kids with my ex-wife I'd feel a little obligated to go in order to be of support of the children.

    This is not withstanding the presence of a spouse/girlfriend.


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