Should a wife allow her husband to attend the funeral of ex-wife who divorced hi

Jump to Last Post 1-21 of 21 discussions (28 posts)
  1. ngureco profile image84
    ngurecoposted 5 years ago

    Should a wife allow her husband to attend the funeral of ex-wife who divorced him 15 years ago?

  2. Attikos profile image76
    Attikosposted 5 years ago

    The question of whether or not she allows it should never arise. If he wants to go, she may poke fun at him about it, or should one of them feel too insecure for that she may either smile and say "Have a good time!" or scowl about it, but it is not her decision. She must either recognize that fundamental fact or face the less pleasant fact that her marriage is not a healthy one.

  3. DexisView profile image73
    DexisViewposted 5 years ago

    I guess for me the word "allowed" is problematic.  It is not up to the wife whether or not he decides to attend.  He and only he alone can decide that.  When we start telling our spouse or significant other what they can or cannot do, we stop being a partner and begin being a dictator.  Sure the wife can let the husband know how she feels, but the decision to go is not hers. 
    I know for certain that if my ex husband of many years or the man that I most recently loved for several years died, that I would absolutely attend their funeral and would expect that my current partner would understand that once you love on that level that a bit of that love always remains.
    It is about showing respect to those that have touched our lives,

    1. Acmontero profile image61
      Acmonteroposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Dexi you made a great point there. The question did say the word "allowed". in my own opinion, i will not be told what I can and can not do. The more I am told what to do the less i do it and vice-versa.

  4. MickS profile image70
    MickSposted 5 years ago

    I get a bit worried about spouses 'allowing' the others behavoir.

  5. Lisa HW profile image64
    Lisa HWposted 5 years ago

    I'm glad to see that several others have already raised the issue of that "allow" word.  Spouses shouldn't need other spouses to "allow" them to do anything (other than, maybe, if it came down to something like, maybe, allowing the other spouse to, say, borrow a camera or suitcase.

    I can't imagine what an ex-spouse's attending the other ex-spouse's funeral would even be seen as a big deal (unless the ex-spouse was an axe murderer or child abuser, for example).  Not every ex-couple turn the whole thing into a case of being vengeful and hateful enemies.  Also, some ex-spouses may want to attend the funeral because they have children with the dead spouse and want to be their to support their children in their time of having lost a parent.

    The way I see it, if the second wife makes a big stink over her husband's going to his dead ex-wife's funeral, there's a good chance she'll end up his second ex-wife (and although under the most extreme of circumstances, maybe even his second, dead, ex-wife      (lol)    ).  Honestly..    That word "allow" really ought to go because a lot of spouses don't take real well to it.   smile

  6. Diana Lee profile image81
    Diana Leeposted 5 years ago

    Why would she try to stop them or even question it?  They may not  have had an ugly divorce like some do. Wanting to be there for her family or possibly his kids is considerate in such a time as this.

  7. Acmontero profile image61
    Acmonteroposted 5 years ago

    I believe that it is only out of respect and correct that the ex-spouse of the deceased person should go. When a couple gets married there is a bond that is formed not only by them but by their families. It would be correct to go. Their should not be a jealousy issue in this situation. I would say yes, it is okay to go pay your respect.

    1. IslandBites profile image87
      IslandBitesposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I agree.

  8. duffsmom profile image60
    duffsmomposted 5 years ago

    Wow, my husband and I don't "allow" each other to do anything.  We are both adults and make our own decisions. We both try to consider the other one's feelings when making those decisions.

    I would have no objection to my husband attending the funeral if he had an ex-wife.  It would be a nice show of respect and closure.

    1. ngureco profile image84
      ngurecoposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I used the word "allow" because no man can be the “head” of a lasting relationship unless the wife allows him to lead. In true Christian marriages, the Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman," (1 Cor. 11:3).

    2. Lady Guinevere profile image59
      Lady Guinevereposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      But the "neck" turns the head.  The scripture you use is from Paul and Jesus never said anything like that and Paul never met Jesus and never quotes from him. Nobody is above anyone else.  That is why divorce is our prob today.

  9. dashingscorpio profile image88
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    No one actually (owns) anyone!
    Any man who needs "permission" to go to his ex-wife's funeral is a wimp in my opinion. There could be a variety of reasons why he wants to go. She may have been his first love, the mother of his children, they grew up together, or he had a tight bond with her family. Clearly his current wife doesn't have to worry about him having an affair with his ex! Sometimes jealousy is completely misplaced.

  10. IslandBites profile image87
    IslandBitesposted 5 years ago

    "Allow" issue aside, I dont see any reason why a person cant attend to the funeral of an ex. If my husband had an ex wife, I even would go with him to the funeral. I think i wont have problem with him attending an ex girlfriend funeral, and would also go with him.

    1. Acmontero profile image61
      Acmonteroposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I completely agree

  11. profile image0
    Mklow1posted 5 years ago

    Of course. I witnessed this recently with a relative. At one point in time, they were very important to each other, so there should be no harm to pay your last respects. Plus, it's not like they are going to reconnect.

    1. BobMonger profile image60
      BobMongerposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      If they do there isn't much anyone can do about it. Good answer!

  12. wychic profile image87
    wychicposted 5 years ago

    As others have said already, I'd take exception to the word "allow." Personally, I feel that my husband is an intelligent, sentient person with whom I do have the right to either allow or disallow anything. He extends the same respect to me. If one of his ex-wives died and he wanted to go to the funeral, then I will see him off at the airport and watch the kids and animals while he's gone. His ex-father-in-law just died, and if we'd had the money then I'd have done the same for that funeral, regardless of the fact that his ex-wife will be there. He does what he wants, though I can't see being bothered either way. If my ex dies, I'll probably be going to his funeral too.

    1. wychic profile image87
      wychicposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      *do not have the right, that is -- grrr, must proofread before the editing period is over tongue

  13. Beata Stasak profile image81
    Beata Stasakposted 5 years ago

    Happy to see so much oppose reaction with the question raised. In this time and age we should not even considering asking it being it husband or wife forget about answering it. I don't own my husband and either he owns me, we are two strong and independent individuals who has built their home together based on mutual love, respect and consideration for each other individuality to raise our children and support each through life:)

  14. profile image0
    Larry Wallposted 5 years ago

    Setting aside the dispute about the word allow, the question is should one spouse go to the funeral of an ex-spouse. There are a lot of variables.
    If there were children from that marriage--the yes.
    If the couple managed to remain friends after the divorce--then yes.
    If the in-laws liked you and do not blame you for "ruining the life" of the spouse, the answer may be no.
    Ultimately it is an individual decision and be it husband or wife, that person should consider how the current spouse is going to react and why.
    Please, no one should make any assumptions. Neither my wife or I have been married before.

  15. brakel2 profile image78
    brakel2posted 5 years ago

    I know many men who attended ex-wives funerals.  It is his decision and not current wife's decision. The most important factor is offspring from that marriage. Many children need the support of their dad. Not all family members may be kind, but who cares?  The most disrespectful of all funerals was from the Kennedys over the death of Mary, Robert Kennedy Jr's ex wife.  Separate funerals took place  as the families were at odds. The Kennedys had their own funeral and talked about her alleged long standing emotional problems. It can get ugly , unfortunately, and not truthful.

  16. nanderson500 profile image87
    nanderson500posted 5 years ago

    I think so. The ex wife was (presumably) an important part of his life at one point. It seems right for him to attend her funeral, especially if they had children together. If he didn't attend, the kids would probably resent it and it would damage his relationships with them.

  17. IDONO profile image80
    IDONOposted 5 years ago

    It seems that the only reason the present wife would object would be because she wasn't invited. She had no part in that part of his life and for some, that's hard to accept.
         My ex- wife died after I had remarried. She was also remarried. Our sons attended the funeral, but I didn't, even though I still had a friendly relationship with her parents. I was very aware that her present husband was going through the toughest time of his life and my presence would only stress him more. Yet, knowing that funerals are for the support of the family left behind, I wanted to acknowledge concern for their loss. So, I sent a nice, ( not too much) flower arrangement with a card expressing my sympathy for her and all that were close to her. No one was offended or uncomfortable. Yet my feelings were known.

  18. AngelLambert profile image55
    AngelLambertposted 5 years ago

    I may be young, but I am no fool. If the man wishes to go to his ex wife's funeral, then let him. A relationship is built of trust and love. There is things like this that happen, and there is no need to strangle him for having a relationship that wasn't with you at first. You are together now and hopefully love each other. Trust each other. Allow him his freedoms. If you disagree with him going, let him know it and let him know why. There should be no secrets in a relationship, except a secret party for your love or such amazing things of love. Besides, he is his own man. Breath, he loved her at one time. If he feels the need to grieve for what could have been and what has been, let him. Love happens and is tough to get over. By the way, wouldn't you like to be able to do what you wish? How is he any different other than being a man and different anatomy bits. He loves you now so don't worry, especially since the dreaded ex-wife is no longer a possible problem. But grieve for her too. She made you man happy at some point in time, wouldn't you feel happy for him if he loved someone else and you loved him. Jealousy will appear, yes, but ur you see your guy smiling with joy and extreme elated happiness, would you really try to take him from that? Sorry off topic. Anyway, don't worry, he's not likely to be a necrophiliac ;P

  19. Ciel Clark profile image77
    Ciel Clarkposted 5 years ago

    Did the ex-wife have a twin sister? 

    Other than that particular scenario, I can't think of a reason why the wife would be bothered. When I asked my husband, "If I died, would you care if my ex came to the funeral?"   He said, "I'd be more offended if he didn't."

  20. Sychophantastic profile image86
    Sychophantasticposted 5 years ago

    Any wife who would need to think too much about that question is already in a relationship that is in trouble.

  21. profile image52
    ima bemedouposted 4 years ago

    I'm curious to know why you were (and quite possibly are) jealous of a dead woman? I mean, it's a funeral, and she's dead. What was the worst that could have happened?

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)