Patricia,
You say, "No" as soon as saying, "Yes" starts ultimately only hurting them. In that case you say, "Hell No!"
Good luck saying "No" to your adult children.
No, I will not give you money I cannot afford to give away, like what I need to pay my bills or save for retirement.
No, I will not finance reckless behavior like drug addiction, alcohol addiction, gambling.
No, I will not assist you in immoral activities.
No, I will not give you money for irresponsible actions like lend you money to go on a vacation when you have debts piling up.
You say no to adult children once they turn 18. As long you take care of them from the time they were born till 18. They are not children anymore. If they need your help, that a different story. You can help, but don't enable them.
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