Why is it BEST for a person who puts his/her family of origin(parents &/or espec

1. 81

   gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

   Why is it BEST for a person who puts his/her family of origin(parents &/or especially siblings)
   
   before a spouse &/or even his/her OWN children NOT TO EVEN contemplate marriage &/or parenthood?  There are people who are EXTREMELY CLOSE to their family of origin. They're the type of people who will put their family of origin BEFORE their spouses & even their children.This leads to marital conflict,not to mention hatred of the spouse & child/children towards this person.The rule is when one gets married, the spouse & child/children takes PRECEDENCE over the family of origin.The family of origin SHOULDN'T be important as new ties are forged w/the spouse & child/children being MOST IMPORTANT.
   
   

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2. 83

   WiccanSageposted 8 years ago

   I don't think it has to be one extreme or the other. It doesn't have to be a competition. I believe there's nothing wrong with extended families and weighing everyone's needs and priorities on an ongoing basis, making reasonable choices together.

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   1. 81

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      It IS.  When one is married, the spouse & child/children are FIRST.  The original family isn't important any more.  They can take care of themselves.  One should concentrate on spouse & child/children, NOT ORIGINAL FAMILY.

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   2. 83

      WiccanSageposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I disagree with you.

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   3. 81

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      When one gets married & be a parent, the original family doesn't & shouldn't count.  Anyone who is extremely close to the original family SHOULD REMAIN single.  No one is going to tolerate SUCH BEHAVIOR, spouses & children will HATE this

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   4. 83

      WiccanSageposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Disagree. There are of course extreme cases of people putting extended family before their own spouse/kids, and it's unhealthy. But there's nothing wrong with helping family members, or acts of kindness towards people in more serious need.

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   5. 81

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      It IS.  Forget about extended family, the needs of spouse & child/children are the ONLY needs that should be considered.That's why spouses hate such people. If one wants to be connected to extended family-STAY SINGLE,NOT MARRY NOR HAVE RELATIONSH

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   6. 83

      WiccanSageposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      After 17 years, if I told my husband I have to cancel movie night because my 87 yr old mother needs to go to the hospital, he would not be mad at me. He'd drive me. & the kids. Cutting off/shutting out extended family/friends & community is a

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3. 81

   gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

   
   
   Such a person won't be true, loving, & loyal to his/her spouse or even his/her own children.  H/she will put his/her family of origin always first, forget about the spouse & children who will always be last in their eyes.  This person isn't mature enough to understand that when one is married & a parent, the spouse & child/children come first.  To him/her, such isn't ever the case.  In their eyes, their family of origin will take precedence over the spouse & child/children.
   
   This is the type of person who will financially support his/her original family, putting his/her spouse's & child's/children's socioeconomic needs last.  H/she may impoverish his/her spouse & child/children in order for the family to live although the family is able to support themselves.  This person's mantra is family uber alles.    No this person should never marry nor become a parent, h/she should remain single.  Since this person habitually puts his/her original family first, let him/her MARRY his/her original family.  After all, h/she is married to......FAMILY.  Let him/her be single as h/she isn't really capable nor mature enough to enter into a normal relationship re: marriage & parenthood.  Marriage & parenthood are putting spouse & child/children first & distancing oneself from original family!!!!

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4. 77

   phoenix2327posted 8 years ago

   When my mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer, both my husband and his older brother were there for her every step of the way. If my husband hadn't been there to support her, I would have lost all respect for him. Any problems that arose within our family, I could handle.
   
   The point is my mother-in-law was a wonderful woman who was more of a Mom to me than my real was ever was. If having my husband with her during this crucial time brought her comfort, I'm glad he was there.
   
   I do get what you mean, though. I spoke with a lady who divorced her husband for this reason, among others. The final straw came when her sister was murdered. At the same time, her sister-in-law was having problems. Her husband was there constantly offering what help he could. When this lady asked him why he wasn't supporting her through her grief he replied that she (the lady) wasn't 'a blood relation'. I can't get my head around that kind of thinking.

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   1. 83

      WiccanSageposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you Z; when my MIL got sick, hubby was so worried, I suggested she move in with us. She didn't, but we both felt it was the right offer. Our kids & each other are of course most important, but not completely at the expense of others.

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5. 50

   frumpletonposted 8 years ago

   That's a hard one, but to me, I would give my life for my kids and they are now 40 and 45 years old.  I raised them by myself because their father wouldn't help and now he is  dead, anyway.  I have always told men, "My kids come first, because they were here before you were."  That doesn't mean I stood up for my boys if they didn't act right toward my significant other, but I wouldn't put up with a man slamming my kid by saying mean things just because he wanted to be the most important thing in my life.  I think, if you don't put your kids first, why should they be expected to do that for you?  I maybe a nut, but I think your kids have only you, sometimes, and no other family so you'd better appreciate it.  It's pretty selfish to think of your own needs instead of your kids.  Maybe a spouse should be more important, but I don't think so.  He or she might end up leaving and then what do you have left?  My kids are the world to me, even though they are grown men now.  It isn't all about you

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   1. 81

      gmwilliamsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Not talking about one's children.  I was speaking about people who put their grown siblings before their husband & children.  Family of origin means the family one is born into.

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