Were you bullied as a child and if so, did it make you stronger as a person or d

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   ChristinSposted 12 years ago

   Were you bullied as a child and if so, did it make you stronger as a person or did it tear you down?
   
   I dealt with both bullies in school and a verbally abusive father (bully) growing up.  It seemed I was an emotional garbage dump for many people.  As a child, it damaged me immensely, but as an adult, I took it and turned it around and ended up with a higher sense of self-worth than I thought possible.  It tore me down, but I built myself back up ultimately and in some strange ways feel stronger because of it.  Do you think most bullied kids end up ok? or do you think it harms most people their whole life?

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   kirstenblogposted 12 years ago

   I was bullied and I gotta say it did nothing to make me stronger or 'build character' as I was told it should as a kid. What built me up was people building me up, telling me they liked me for who I am and who accepted me just as I am. I think it can be dangerous for someone to be bullied, if they don't experience being treated in the opposite manner I think they can really come to believe they are not as good as the bully. Just my two cents

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree and like you I had a couple of very positive people in my life to counteract a lot of it.  Glad you had support and yes, bullying is dangerous no doubt.  It sounds like u did overcome it - yay

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      kirstenblogposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      As a teenager I actually had a friend and we got to  chatting. Turns out she had been a bully in grade school, she wasn't my bully but she apologised as if she had been.  She had been abused and had taken it out on others, and now felt bad herself.

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   Angela Blairposted 12 years ago

   Being tall as a kid (5'10" by the age of 12) I took a lot of bullying about my height and also just good natured teasing. Strangely enough I dealt pretty well with kids that were bullies but had a terrible time with unthinking adults as their comments definitely attacked my self esteem and hurt my feelings. Seems adults often don't give a lot of thought to remarks they make to kids and though aren't intentionally meant to be mean can be taken straight to a kid's heart. In my childhood days children did not "back-talk" adults so they just had to grin and bear whatever adults chose to say. Stronger? Perhaps -- so many things in one's life encourages strength and/or weakness and it's often hard to sort those two things out.

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I sympathize with this! I was opposite, very tiny and didn't break 100 lbs til college.  Adults always unintentionally made me feel "small" for more than just my stature! I agree adults have to be very careful because kids do take things to heart!

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   Miss Nasreenposted 12 years ago

   Christin S You are a born champion this word "bullied" make  you Great writer and in my last words I follow you.

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      thank you for the compliment I appreciate that and the follow thank you.

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   bfm13posted 12 years ago

   My only problem was my Father. When I was six I developed Asthma which seemed to upset my athletic, semi-pro baseball Father. He played ball till he was in his late twenties and then had to get a job. I would never be a great ball player and that was a disappointment to him. He tried and when I could not cut it he would get mad. When we painted the house he got mad and when he had a little too much to drink he got mad. Mostly verbal abuse but it got physical when he drank. Something happened to me during an operation when I was thirteen and some of me changed.
   I became a daredevil, afraid of very little. As I got older it became dangerous but I calmed down a little in my thirties. I can never be sure what changed me, being Bullied or the operation, but one of the first things I did was clobber my Father after which he left me alone.

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      It's always so sad when it's a parent that turns on a child.  I can see how both the operation and the bullying likely had an effect.  Hope you are feeling happier and more secure these days

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   lburmasterposted 12 years ago

   Stronger. I studied more in school which has helped very much. Also, I hardened myself a bit. My family calls me heartless because I make comments without putting emotions into words. Others believe I say these comments with conviction, while I am just making a comment of thought instead of feeling.

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think its good when we can speak rationally as opposed to reacting emotionally - it's good to strike a good balance.  Glad you found strength

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   Barnseyposted 12 years ago

   This is a long hub. I apologize but when considering the bullying I have faced as a kid and in pondering what i have learned from it or how it has effected my life I felt there was no other way to explain it properly without fully illustrating. If I... read more

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I read your hub and commented there - but want to suggest to others following this question to also read it, it was excellent.

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   Pauline Davenportposted 12 years ago

   i was bullied and it crushed me for a lot of years. I could never fit in, because I was always on the outside being left ou, abd yes it di tear me down I would look in the mirror each morning and say to myself -'there goes the High School drip'. It was a very lonely time.
   It changed when I left home and went to college, where amazingly I fitted in and blossomed and went a bit wild.
   I guess it has made me stronger - or maybe just made me more aware. I won't stand for anyone being bullied or left out now, and go out of my way to make sure this is so, and during  the 15 years or so  I have even screwed myself up to being confrontational when this has become necessary.
   Bullying is a most insidious form of abuse and yes it really does shape the rest of your life

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I totally relate to what you went through during the high school years.  I never have understood how bullying is viewed as "normal" and a right of passage etc. It's cruel and uncalled for and I commend you for standing up to it.

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      Express10posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with you, many people are quick to say that what happens in our youth doesn't matter when we are adults. Unfortunately in most cases, they are wrong.

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   Express10posted 12 years ago

   I as a young woman was bullied by a group of young boys in high school. Turns out they "liked" me but made my life hell. Anywhere from one to three of them would follow me on my walk to school and say nasty things to me and the numbers swelled to six or seven during school hours. It made me feel bad and  unsafe. I am not an attention seeker and never have been. I ended up skipping two weeks of school during my senior year and nearly flunked out despite having a B average prior to that.
   
   At home from my very earliest memories my mom would bully me and constantly threatened to beat me (when she wasn't doing so) so I had a double whammy and was quite the depressed introvert during all this. I can't say that I felt any stronger for any experience of being bullied unless I was in a position to fight fire with fire, which did eventually happen after I graduated from high school and was out on my own. That was a good feeling to "hasten" karma along for someone who needed to see that their wrongdoings have consequences.

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      ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I can relate to your story of being bullied at home and at school, it leaves a feeling of no safe space and does lead to depression.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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    Garifaliaposted 12 years ago

    My situation was much like kirstenblog's (How do you guys think up these names? I get tongue twisted just writing them out). My oldest (dyslexic-no they do not stutter), was bullied as well; he got stronger exactly like our friend kirstenblog.
    
    In the following article, it gives insight from the other side.
    http://www.helium.com/items/2301012-preventing-a-bully

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    GoForTheJugglerposted 12 years ago

    The bullying I experienced as a child made me a better person for it, since I try to treat people like I want to be treated (we artists must have a target on our foreheads). It's the internet bullying that is so cruel, because people say things that they would never say to your face, and there are little to no repercussions for them.

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       ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I believe it did the same for me also, it made me more conscious of how not to treat others.  As for internet bullying, I guess the anonymity gives people "courage" to be mean.  It is rather sad.

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    melbelleposted 12 years ago

    Did it make me stonger?  No.  I eventually stood up for myself, but it today's schools I would of probably been suspended for protecting myself.  Go figure.

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       Express10posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       You are so right. So many people act as if using words or walking away are the only options for the victim. When victims who are physically threatened or attacked fight back, the bully is called the victim!

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    Joy56posted 12 years ago

    There is an inner toughness about me.... Though of course being treated badly, by my father all my life takes it's toll.
    I made a lot of excuses for him, and now after he has died i miss him.   
    it is so complicated, and though i felt i could answer this , as i write i realise, that even as a grandmother with eight grandchildren... in many ways i am still a little girl, trying to work it all out.

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       kirstenblogposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Do we ever stop feeling little, trying to work it all out? Somehow I don't think so, I guess growing up doesn't mean you stop being a kid, you just start being more then that.

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       ChristinSposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       My own mother goes through similar feelings with her mother who never bullied her, but bullied her two siblings mercilessly.  She forgave her, but it still sits with her especially now that grandma is gone.

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    Rosie writesposted 11 years ago

    I was bullied for a few years when I was very young.  At the time, it was devastating as the bullies were bigger and stronger.  I felt there was no escape and there really wasn't.  Fortunately, the worst bully moved and I was able to stand up against the others. Even though still smaller, I had developed a mighty anger that made them leave me alone.  Now, as a teacher, I have absolutely no tolerance for bullying and I watch for it and I stop it quickly.  I make time to teach students kindness and tolerance.  I think it was an experience that has made me a better teacher, because I know personally the impact bullying can have on a person.

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    LoisRyan13903posted 11 years ago

    I was bullied a lot by classmates when I was in elementary school, both physically and emotionally.  It damaged me but made me into a stronger person.  One person had told me i would never make it through high school, never would get married and would probably be a waitress when I became an adult.  Well I went on through graduate school, joined the army, work for a Fortune 500 company, am married with two teenage girls.  As for this person-she is divorced, never went to college and (lol!) is a waitress.  I am a stronger person who is able to speak up for myself and others.

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       Pauline Davenportposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       That's brilliant LoisRyan, and it could so easily have gone the other way had you been less strong. I'm so glad you made it, and glad that time has enabled you to see the bully for the sad person she is. Good on you

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