What makes it so hard for some people to give a compliment?

Jump to Last Post 1-9 of 9 discussions (22 posts)
  1. janshares profile image95
    jansharesposted 10 years ago

    What makes it so hard for some people to give a compliment?

    Why is it difficult for some to share in another's joy by verbally acknowledging their success or accomplishment with a simple compliment? Please explain.

  2. darrensurrey profile image60
    darrensurreyposted 10 years ago

    Could be a number of reasons:
    1) The accomplishment isn't that big a deal to them because they're used to better.
    2) Envy so it's an ego thing - they hate acknowledging the fact that someone is better than them.
    3) Inability to express oneself.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Very good explanations, darrensurrey. Thank you for answering.

    2. darrensurrey profile image60
      darrensurreyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. smile

  3. Lisa HW profile image61
    Lisa HWposted 10 years ago

    I think some people may not particularly value (or sometimes even completely grasp) whatever the accomplishment is, and I think, too, there are people who decide - if a person's getting enough compliments from enough people - that person doesn't need to hear yet more.  Then, too, I think there are some people who figure the other person already knows he's accomplished something good and "there's no need to tell him since he already knows".

    I'd guess, too, that there are probably people who think their own opinion/compliment either isn't worth much to the other person or else isn't worth much in general.   

    As someone else said, some people just generally have trouble expressing themselves, particularly if they need a certain type of setting/environment for one type of conversation or another.

    Maybe, too, there are times when the person who accomplishes one thing or another interprets someone else's lack of offering a compliment as "...so hard for some people to give a compliment" simply because the person who accomplished something expects a compliment from everyone he runs into (or almost everyone) - essentially, expecting "everyone else" to make a bigger deal out of the accomplishment than - really - is called for.

    OR, maybe the "compliment-withholder" is someone who, himself, feels uncomfortable with too much of a big deal being made out of things and he worries that the "accomplisher" is like he is - and so doesn't want to contribute to what may already be making "the accomplisher" too uncomfortable.

    Then, too, I think there are people who make judgments about who deserves how many compliments/how much attention (whether that's an individual or group of individuals or a "type" of individual) "per any moment/time-interval" (etc.) and aren't (to say the least) people to risk "lavishing" such things on anyone deemed not to "need" "x-amount more" in terms of compliments.

    Personally, I tend to think the "he already knows, so he doesn't need me to add to it and/or tell him with a compliment" may be one of the more common reasons some people lean toward being stingy with compliments.  Not everyone is all that skilled when it comes to the "emotional end" of human nature - whether that's understanding those things or managing their own emotions.

    Those are my guesses.   hmm

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great guesses, Lisa. I appreciate your in-depth analysis from multiple angles. Thanks for answering.

    2. msginger profile image72
      msgingerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Well said. Yay, complimenting on the internet is so much easier.

  4. Justin McLean profile image82
    Justin McLeanposted 10 years ago

    People have a tendency to compete against each other instead of supporting each other.  Another reason may be that people project their own insecurities on others by being sanctimonious towards those who might achieve lesser appreciated things than them-almost like, they're beneath it. I'm sure are a variety of more reasons.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Good observations regarding support and insecurities, Justin. Thanks for answering.

  5. kwade tweeling profile image72
    kwade tweelingposted 10 years ago

    This may sound a little strange.

    For a long time, I was afraid of being laughed at or rejected. Giving a compliment means stepping outside yourself and offering praise to someone else. When we offer praise, we are opening up a part of ourselves to criticism. For an introvert, like myself, this can be terrifying. It was very hard for me to give compliments for fear of how people would react, especially girls. There was a time, when I was an awkward little boy, I offered a girl in school a genuine compliment. She thought I was trying to butter her up to ask her out (we were first graders. I hadn't even thought of dating.) She responded very negatively and my already poor self esteem deflated.

    The point is, sometimes fear holds us back.

    This is by no means a comprehensive answer, I'd need a lot more space for that. It is at least a very personal one.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate your analysis from a personal perspective, kwade. You helped me to see it a little differently. Thanks for your answer.

    2. kwade tweeling profile image72
      kwade tweelingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm happy it helped.

    3. msginger profile image72
      msgingerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I recognize this, it's not strange at all..

  6. esteniomodira profile image59
    esteniomodiraposted 10 years ago

    I think part of the reason have to do with insecurities also. People tend to envy others because that person being successful sheds light on their failures.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that seems to be the main reason behind it. Thank you for answering.

    2. esteniomodira profile image59
      esteniomodiraposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You're Welcome smile

  7. mikejhca profile image84
    mikejhcaposted 10 years ago

    It is hard for some people to give a compliment because they are thinking about the future, the past, some other place or some person that is not there. They are not focused on what is going on around them because they are thinking about other things.

    For some people it is hard to give complements is because they don't get complements. Maybe their parents did not teach them give compliments. Compliments lose there value or meaning when given out too frequently. They are more meaningful when they come from a person that rarely gives compliments. Some people save their compliments for rare occasions.

    When you compliment a person for something then you need to keep complimenting them when they do it again. That causes the compliment to lose its worth. Not complimenting them can make them feel like they did not do as well as the last time. Either way it is bad. That is why it is often better to save the compliments for rare occasions.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I see. Very interesting take on the frequency versus lack of giving compliments. Thank you for your answer.

  8. The Examiner-1 profile image60
    The Examiner-1posted 10 years ago

    Because person #2 feels that they are bigger or better (ego-wise) than the the other person so they think "Why should I give them a compliment?"
    They look in the mirror and compliment themselves.

    Either that or they are a very shy person.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'd go with the former in most cases. Thanks for answering, Kevin.

  9. sharon466 profile image62
    sharon466posted 10 years ago

    I think that most of the  Human being thinks He/ She is smarter than others or it might be jealousy, they cannot bear any one growing better than them in any aspect. very few people are there who will really give compliment with full heartedly and few are also there who will give compliments but on the other end they say bad about the person where he is not present..in my point of view we must do the things and give yourself a big compliment.

    1. janshares profile image95
      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, give ourselves a pat on the back. smile Thank you, sharon466, for answering.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)