What makes it so hard for some people to give a compliment?

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   jansharesposted 10 years ago

   What makes it so hard for some people to give a compliment?
   
   Why is it difficult for some to share in another's joy by verbally acknowledging their success or accomplishment with a simple compliment? Please explain.

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   darrensurreyposted 10 years ago

   Could be a number of reasons:
   1) The accomplishment isn't that big a deal to them because they're used to better.
   2) Envy so it's an ego thing - they hate acknowledging the fact that someone is better than them.
   3) Inability to express oneself.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Very good explanations, darrensurrey. Thank you for answering.

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      darrensurreyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks.

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   Lisa HWposted 10 years ago

   I think some people may not particularly value (or sometimes even completely grasp) whatever the accomplishment is, and I think, too, there are people who decide - if a person's getting enough compliments from enough people - that person doesn't need to hear yet more.  Then, too, I think there are some people who figure the other person already knows he's accomplished something good and "there's no need to tell him since he already knows".
   
   I'd guess, too, that there are probably people who think their own opinion/compliment either isn't worth much to the other person or else isn't worth much in general.   
   
   As someone else said, some people just generally have trouble expressing themselves, particularly if they need a certain type of setting/environment for one type of conversation or another.
   
   Maybe, too, there are times when the person who accomplishes one thing or another interprets someone else's lack of offering a compliment as "...so hard for some people to give a compliment" simply because the person who accomplished something expects a compliment from everyone he runs into (or almost everyone) - essentially, expecting "everyone else" to make a bigger deal out of the accomplishment than - really - is called for.
   
   OR, maybe the "compliment-withholder" is someone who, himself, feels uncomfortable with too much of a big deal being made out of things and he worries that the "accomplisher" is like he is - and so doesn't want to contribute to what may already be making "the accomplisher" too uncomfortable.
   
   Then, too, I think there are people who make judgments about who deserves how many compliments/how much attention (whether that's an individual or group of individuals or a "type" of individual) "per any moment/time-interval" (etc.) and aren't (to say the least) people to risk "lavishing" such things on anyone deemed not to "need" "x-amount more" in terms of compliments.
   
   Personally, I tend to think the "he already knows, so he doesn't need me to add to it and/or tell him with a compliment" may be one of the more common reasons some people lean toward being stingy with compliments.  Not everyone is all that skilled when it comes to the "emotional end" of human nature - whether that's understanding those things or managing their own emotions.
   
   Those are my guesses.   

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Great guesses, Lisa. I appreciate your in-depth analysis from multiple angles. Thanks for answering.

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      msgingerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Well said. Yay, complimenting on the internet is so much easier.

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   Justin McLeanposted 10 years ago

   People have a tendency to compete against each other instead of supporting each other.  Another reason may be that people project their own insecurities on others by being sanctimonious towards those who might achieve lesser appreciated things than them-almost like, they're beneath it. I'm sure are a variety of more reasons.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Good observations regarding support and insecurities, Justin. Thanks for answering.

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   kwade tweelingposted 10 years ago

   This may sound a little strange.
   
   For a long time, I was afraid of being laughed at or rejected. Giving a compliment means stepping outside yourself and offering praise to someone else. When we offer praise, we are opening up a part of ourselves to criticism. For an introvert, like myself, this can be terrifying. It was very hard for me to give compliments for fear of how people would react, especially girls. There was a time, when I was an awkward little boy, I offered a girl in school a genuine compliment. She thought I was trying to butter her up to ask her out (we were first graders. I hadn't even thought of dating.) She responded very negatively and my already poor self esteem deflated.
   
   The point is, sometimes fear holds us back.
   
   This is by no means a comprehensive answer, I'd need a lot more space for that. It is at least a very personal one.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I appreciate your analysis from a personal perspective, kwade. You helped me to see it a little differently. Thanks for your answer.

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      kwade tweelingposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm happy it helped.

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      msgingerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I recognize this, it's not strange at all..

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   esteniomodiraposted 10 years ago

   I think part of the reason have to do with insecurities also. People tend to envy others because that person being successful sheds light on their failures.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that seems to be the main reason behind it. Thank you for answering.

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      esteniomodiraposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      You're Welcome

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   mikejhcaposted 10 years ago

   It is hard for some people to give a compliment because they are thinking about the future, the past, some other place or some person that is not there. They are not focused on what is going on around them because they are thinking about other things.
   
   For some people it is hard to give complements is because they don't get complements. Maybe their parents did not teach them give compliments. Compliments lose there value or meaning when given out too frequently. They are more meaningful when they come from a person that rarely gives compliments. Some people save their compliments for rare occasions.
   
   When you compliment a person for something then you need to keep complimenting them when they do it again. That causes the compliment to lose its worth. Not complimenting them can make them feel like they did not do as well as the last time. Either way it is bad. That is why it is often better to save the compliments for rare occasions.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I see. Very interesting take on the frequency versus lack of giving compliments. Thank you for your answer.

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   The Examiner-1posted 10 years ago

   Because person #2 feels that they are bigger or better (ego-wise) than the the other person so they think "Why should I give them a compliment?"
   They look in the mirror and compliment themselves.
   
   Either that or they are a very shy person.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'd go with the former in most cases. Thanks for answering, Kevin.

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   sharon466posted 10 years ago

   I think that most of the  Human being thinks He/ She is smarter than others or it might be jealousy, they cannot bear any one growing better than them in any aspect. very few people are there who will really give compliment with full heartedly and few are also there who will give compliments but on the other end they say bad about the person where he is not present..in my point of view we must do the things and give yourself a big compliment.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, give ourselves a pat on the back. Thank you, sharon466, for answering.

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