To all logical thinkers out there, what is your reaction to people who refuse to listen to
any type of reason and logic pertaining to negative, even destructive and demoralizing lifestyles and environments, even rationalizing that there is nothing with such negative lifestyles and environments when in fact a reasonably logical and intelligent elementary school kid sees the aberration in such lifestyles and environments. Why do people justify, even rationalize negativity?
One of the reasons, IMO, is that we are capable of rationalizing anything, so if someone doesn't want to give up a negative lifestyle, they won't, and they'll find a reason to continue in it.
I have this scenario. My son is the world's most stubborn child. I'm really not kidding about this.
He refuses to listen to any and all reasoning beyond his own. And he thinks Republicans are the best. Arghhhh!
He was ok with me being his mom as long as it involved doing things FOR him constantly. But when I put my foot down and told his he was going to have to learn to fend for himself, it took years for him to "get it". He even threatened to hang himself, make a video and send it to me. And this was AFTER he graduated from college.
He finally moved far away and hasn't spoken to me for years, but he did learn to take care of himself. He got a job as a Pilates instructor - something I never knew he had a talent for. (He studied history and music and wanted to be a U.S. Senator or a musician).
But anyway, he's over 40 now, still living far away from me. He never calls, never writes, never emails. I think he still has angst against me and always will, but that is his choice. I cannot do his thinking for him.
So, to answer the question, my reaction was to kick him out of the nest and force him to go live his life. It was hard, but it was the only way to get through to him.
I have to say we are just as guilty of the negativity, not listening to "reason" and generally ignoring what others are saying to us. It is a reflection of self as far as those that are in our lives. There are a couple of lessons I learned early on in my recovery, that is the time I decided my life needed to change.
We attract those that serve our needs. If there is something unfulfilled in childhood we live our lives to meet that need or needs. The parent who was in some ways neglectful, for instance. Our jobs, our friends, our activities and hobbies are all a reflection of our early life lessons.
Those who are negative, living self-destructive lives are seeking to meet needs unmet. To prove they are not worthy, not loveable, yet begging to be worthy and loveable. It is an instinctive life, one that is not understood by those surrounding him or her, nor by the person living that life.
Fear is a powerful companion. It controls all aspects of life, the thoughts, decisions, ideas, lifestyle. It keeps one caught in addiction. Because that is ultimately what it is, addiction. Addiction is a tool to justify life as it is at this moment.
The person caught in this cycle is lost to understand, to comprehend what you say to him or her as a way out of this prison. The more you talk, the harder you push, the more you negate his or her existence, the harder that person is going to hold fast, just like you hold fast to your position.
Let go, release with love, walk away, be supportive. Let that person know that he or she is loved, no matter what. Acceptance is the key. Stop trying to figure it out. You won't. It is not your life experience. And remember something about this person is triggering you, why? Introspection is a powerful tool. It helped me to release and still love the person. She has not changed, so it is. I have.
Bless you on your journey of exploration.
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