Fear of being alone

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   schoolgirlforrealposted 11 years ago

   I grew up in a large family where I could always go to someone.
   I have stayed with family part of the week, to get a break from my apartment.
   Now that situation is challenged and I've been trying to adjust spending more time alone in my apartment, of course after I'm out all day, at night time.
   
   Sometimes, often, I have anxiety at night time for whatever reason, not quite sure, and I used to think "Oh this is being alone" but I've now noticed it happens wherever at night..so I tell myself "This will pass, it's not being alone, it's temporory anxiety" and it helps.
   
   But I still feel anxious with the notion that there's no one there physically if I need to talk, or am (anxious) and it puts me into a panic at times, if I don't feel I have anyone to visit (family and friends are far away mostly and I have no control over that due to my housing setup right now)
   
   So, apart from making more friends where live over time, that i can spend time with over my place or theirs who are local, which is taking time but happening, What would be some helpful suggestions for me besides watching cable and getting a pet? Anyone in the same boat, and how do you cope? Thanks I appreciate it.

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      klarawieckposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Learn a new craft or art, such as playing piano, or do like Julie and Julia and start cooking a recipe a day. I cook Rachel Ray almost every day. Trust me, once you start cooking you'll have a lot more people over, and if it's just you, try to experiment with flavors and come up with your own recipes.
      
      I know what you're going through. After my first divorce, I was still studying jazz piano at the university and I lived by myself. I remember practicing for hours at night so that I wouldn't have to stay at home alone, going to sleep at 4am to wake up at 9am to go to school. Now that I'm happily married to my second husband, I happen to miss having some alone time once in a while. But even as a couple he often gets depressed about not having enough friends and going out as he used to when he lived in Europe.
      
      I have found my balance though. I'm happy with myself but I know it's not an easy thing to do. You're not alone.

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      Maria van Olphenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Instead of finding things to do, which will eventually wear out and become boring to you, why not find out where the root of your loneliness is comeing from. Read spiritual books where you might discover joy in life. Go online YouTube and search for Abraham-Hicks. I listen to their messages and it just adds joy to my life because of what I am hearing about myself...

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   Lisa HWposted 11 years ago

   I think you have it right when you say it isn't being alone and is, instead, anxiety.  When we're feeling anxious we can put a "spooky spin" to things that we ordinarily wouldn't if we didn't have "anxiety chemicals" going, and influencing the direction/tone of our thoughts.
   
   I don't do it with being alone, but I do it with worrying about my kids.  If I'm "the regular me" I'm not all filled with ridiculous worry.  If I've gotten myself into being kind of on the anxious side (usually because unrelated stresses can add up and make me not my usual, cool-headed, self) I'll sometimes take some small thing that's real (like that I haven't talked to one person or another for quite awhile) and start imagining some really ridiculous stuff about why I haven't heard from them.
   
   Just as it looks like you try to do, I have to step outside myself and whatever I've dreamed up to worry about; remind myself that I may do this whenever a combination of a small-but-real situation/concern blends together with my own anxious thinking, and tell myself to knock it off.  That usually helps me get through the most extreme moment and hold me over for awhile.  I may start to do it again after that initial "knocking it off" starts to wear away  (), and that's when I tell myself to knock it off again.
   
   What I've found is that since I can't always eliminate the source of stress that causes the anxiety, the best I can do is learn how to effectively control the secondary result of it (which is the imagining things to get spooked about if there's at all something I'd normally be concerned about but usually keep in proper perspective).
   
   It helps me to remind myself, "What I'm spooked about right now is the same as if I'd had some "spooky-thought juice" to drink; and as if I'm under the influence of it.  That helps me separate the "real me" and my "usual thinking" from the uncharacteristic, spooky-thinking, that can happen if/when I'm feeling stressed out and anxious over a period of time.
   
   Just reminding myself that it's nothing more than that can make things feel a lot less spooky, and can, I think, make me feel that much closer to the healthier, more realistic, thinking/perspective that are usually more "the real me".  (Because you know what can happen with me?  The next step from the anxious worrying and crossing over from "concerned" to out-and-out-worried (and more anxious than ever) is the thought that maybe my worry is actually a premonition or some version of ESP (or something like that) - and THAT makes things even worse and that much farther away from a healthy, anxiety-free, perspective.
   
   The good thing is that once I start with the "maybe this is 'sensing something' kind of thinking", that pretty much hits me in the head and makes me realize how far into anxiety I've allowed myself to slip.
   
   Once I get like that (and it doesn't happen all that often, but it's happened often enough over the course of recent years), there'll be no concentrating on anything else, no thinking about anything else, nothing but settling into some big, horrible, "mode" that only I can get myself out of. 

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   seamistposted 11 years ago

   @ schoolgirlforreal
   
   Whenever you start feeling down about feeling alone, just remember you're not the only one. I understand how you feel although my situation is a bit different. I live in rural in Minnesota. I have no friends or family up here to help if I have problems. Although my faith in God isn't strong, when I feel scared, I just try to repeat comforting bible verses until the anxiety/fear eases.

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   knolyourselfposted 11 years ago

   God is alone. Has to create duality to have sex with self.

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      schoolgirlforrealposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      interesting comment

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   Night Magicposted 11 years ago

   When I found myself alone, I joined different things that I love doing to meet others.  One was Racquet Ball. Another was a group at church.  I also volunteered in a couple of different places.

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