ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Playing with Mixed Emotions

Updated on May 16, 2013
Playing with Mixed Emotions
Playing with Mixed Emotions | Source

It has been a continual and consistent failing of thespian Thor Hambone’s entire stage and screen career: the inability to act with anything other than maddeningly misappropriate mixed emotions.

Here we see T.H. trying to complete the final scene of the Broadway premier of one of Will Shakespeare’s greatest and most dependably dreary downer tragedies. As the production proceeds, the entire cast and backstage staff are asking themselves: Can Thor just stick with the program, and finish his depressing final soliloquy on a suitably somber note, then slowly shuffle offstage as the lights go down?

No. Of course not.

It appears that the effervescent court jester in him is compelled to bring the audience back from the brink of something ponderous and fateful and fraught with death and rueful meaning, with a last-minute lighthearted lunge, that gaping goofy grin and a whimsical hand-waggle!

When will this clown (pun earned and intended) ever learn?

This is the same sort of denouement that got Mr. Hambone expelled just six weeks ago from the cast of that phenomenally popular television reality show, “Why Do I go Out in Public in Such Sleazy, Grubby, Ridiculous and Embarrassing Garb?” Thor’s job as lead host on the show was simple enough: just fill in the spaces between the video clips of horrific hillbilly fashion faux-pas with mindless chit-chat, winks, nods, smirks, patently forced laughter, and the occasional suggestive wisecrack.

But, no. Thor somehow construed that a crash-course in angst-driven Method acting was called for. He would step all over the audience laughter with some ill-timed raving rant about the pain of being adopted from an insane asylum by an alcoholic werewolf and his murderous carny wife (all fictional and scripted, of course). He once interrupted a boffo scene of an obese woman venturing to a discount store in her barely-there SpongeBob underwear with an extended riff on lighting a cigarette just like a drunken Marlon Brando. Needless to say, the producers were not happy.

The seeds of Thor Hambone’s discordant nature were apparently sown long ago, in his seemingly average and ordinary childhood on the dusty streets of Enid, Oklahoma. There, young Thor would set up a corner lemonade stand that instead dispensed vodka (the lad made quite a killing that summer). He’d enter the Middle School Christmas pageant dressed as the Easter Bunny. He once congratulated a close boyhood chum on being caught masturbating by his mom. Thor would snicker at funerals and cry at birthday parties. His gift to Grandpa on his 80th was a jack-in-the-box. His dream of starring in the lead role of his high school’s musical production of Oklahoma! was foiled when he kept showing up at successive rehearsals as Don Corleone and Luke Skywalker and Fonzie.

And things don’t seem to be getting much better for the ol’ Hambone. His fiancée, the lovely lass Mathilda Mayhew Morningstar, abruptly called off their impending nuptials when Thor pulled a switchblade on her during the wedding ceremony’s practice run-through at the parsonage, then slugged Pastor Weems.

Cleveland's Playhouse Square, where you are likely to see just about every emotion on display
Cleveland's Playhouse Square, where you are likely to see just about every emotion on display | Source


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)