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The Man With No Gift

Updated on February 3, 2011

 This is a nonsense poem about trying to think about what to get somebody as a Christmas present and not wanting it to be something normal and expected.  This is the perfect example of something that hardly ever happens, unless in nonsense poems of course.

 

The Man With No Gift

 

I was thinking of a friend

And what to get him as a gift

Something special for Christmas

To give him a bit of a lift.

 

I was trying to think of an unusual item

Something beyond compare

I didn't want to get him the normal thing

Some socks or underwear.

 

I was trying to think of something

I didn't know what it could be

When this guy came up

And made an offer to me.

 

The thing that he offered

Is that for one day

My friend could be turned into

Anyone in the world that i would say.

 

If i was thinking logically

I don't even think i would

But i decided to try

And asked for Clint Eastwood.

 

I gave him some money

The price he'd asked before

But now he said he'd do it

For a few dollars more.

 

Next time i seen my friend

I couldn't believe it , but of course

He'd turned into the guy

From Magnum Force.

 

His name wasn't Harry

And he wasn't very dirty

But he was walking like a star

And acting real flirty.

 

I asked him "do you feel lucky"

I wasn't sure what he would say

Until Clint-like he muttered

This really does make my day.

 

He started the day as the man with no gift

And became the man with no name

And for using that line in this poem

I am the man with no shame.

 

 

 

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    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 6 years ago from Scotland

      Thanks a lot for your kind words about this one, attemptedhumour. They are much appreciated. Michael.

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 6 years ago from Australia

      Hi Michael i thought this deserved a second visit. It is so full of subtle and also silly humour, the second bit being something that i particularly love. Cheers.

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 6 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Epigramman, Thanks for reading and commenting on this. Yes there is certainly a lot of people with Scottish heritage and an interest in Scotland out there. Cheers. Michael.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ....you are certainly a man with a poetic gift and a fine wit to match ...my mum and dad (who are now passed on) were both born in Stirling and my mum came over as a war bride after my dad went back home to Stirling on leave from the Canadian army during World War II - quite a story I would say .....

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 6 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Will Starr, Thanks for reading and commenting on this Hub, and thanks for following me. Cheers. Michael.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Excellent play on words!

      Well done.

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 6 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Fossillady, Thanks for your comments. Much appreciated. Michael.

    • Fossillady profile image

      Kathi 6 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

      Clint has left us some good ones, hasn't he. I enjoyed it, actually I thought it was cute, but guys don't like it when you say that!

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 6 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Nell, Thanks for commenting. Glad you liked it. Yes, i could maybe do an alternative version with Brad Pitt involved!. Getting too cold- might have to stop wearing the kilt and playing the bagpipes!! Merry Christmas, Michael.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

      Hi, michael, that was great! it was a pity you didn't pick brad pitt, you could have sent him down this way! ha ha by the way hows the kilt?! lol take care in all that loverlllly snow! hee hee mind you we are 20 degrees below and it's bloomin' cold! have a great Christmas! cheers nell

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Hi attemptedhumour, Thanks for following me and thanks for reading and commenting on this Hub. I'm glad you liked it. Yes, i know maybe i'll get those socks fairly soon. Cheers. Michael.

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 7 years ago from Australia

      That's a pretty good poem Michael, most of us struggle for some sort of an idea to write a poem about so your quirky poem really hits the spot. Cheers mate and ask for socks next time.

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Thanks Just Ask Susan. Much appreciated.

      Cheers. Michael.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Cool! Great poem.

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Thanks a lot brownlickie for your kind words. Much appreciated. Cheers. Michael.

    • profile image

      brownlickie 7 years ago

      well put together . a real gem regards brownlickie

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Thanks a lot for your comments vietnamvet68. Much appreciated. Michael.

    • vietnamvet68 profile image

      vietnamvet68 7 years ago from New York State

      Great Poem, I could watch old Clint Eastwood all day long I love his moves, I loved Grand Torino movie.

      God Bless

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Laurie, Glad you liked it. I liked your verse here. Good stuff. Cheers. Michael.

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Doug, Hope you liked it. Glad you came and commented. Michael.

    • profile image

      Doug Turner Jr. 7 years ago

      "I've always been lucky when it comes to killing folks."

    • CheyenneAutumn profile image

      CheyenneAutumn 7 years ago

      A gift well recieved -

      gift is filled - I do believe.

      The friend by his side

      now goes by the name of Clyde!

      Fun one my friend!

    • michael ely profile image
      Author

      michael ely 7 years ago from Scotland

      Hi Katiem2, Thanks for coming over and commenting. Much appreciated. Michael.

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Cool, I love Clint Eastwood and the last movie he stared in was amazing. I love watching all the old Clint Eastwood westerns and his modern gang movie is a must see. Thanks :)