One funny Joke ?

1. 76

   cheaptrickposted 15 years ago

   First let me say this,I'm Italian.I'm so Italian my blood type is RAGU so I'm aloud to tell this joke.
   A Black dude goes to visit his Homeland.
   He picks up a pet baboon while in Africa.
   Not having the heart to put his pet in a cage he decides to dress it in women's cloths and puts the baboon in the seat next to him on the plane home.
   One of the pilots happens to look back and spots the dude(the pilot is Very prejudiced)
   .He turns to the copilot and says
   "It really Pisses me off when I see those Black guys go out side there own race and date those Nice Italian Girls".

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2. 0

   dnrkrishnan25posted 15 years ago

   thanks all to put jokes

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3. 60

   boutlifeposted 15 years ago

   A bunch of penises enter a bank.
   -Everybody freeze! This is a rubbery!
   At one moment, a vibrator enters the bank.
   One of the penises looks at it and says:
   -On no! Robocop!
   
   Ps.
   Sorry for my bad English. Not easy to translate a joke.

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   1. 66

      sensu0sposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      was it English
      
      kidding! I will laugh at it hopefully... once I understand it.

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4. 71

   Beth100posted 15 years ago

   Have you ever wondered what the man was doing with the cow when he discovered it had milk?? 

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5. 60

   shanekrugerposted 15 years ago

   WoW! Very Interesting Discussion.

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   1. 60

      dingdongposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      

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6. 59

   dishyumposted 15 years ago

   Who's a cannibal?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Someone who's fed up with people.

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7. 76

   cheaptrickposted 15 years ago

   Two guys go hunting.
   one goes behind a tree to pee.
   a snake bites his weeny.
   he tells his friend to call a doctor.
   the doctor says
   "cut across the bite marks and Suck the poison out".
   the guy hangs up and turns to his fiend who asks
   "what did the doctor say".
   the guy says
   "YOU GONNA DIE"!

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8. 53

   ammaranoraiz786posted 15 years ago

   very nice

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9. 38

   samsbrposted 15 years ago

   I dont know any jokes LOL

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10. 66

    sensu0sposted 15 years ago

    Read this

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11. 0

    cathinfranceposted 15 years ago

    Jewish joke.
    
    An elderly jewish lady answers the phone.
    "Hello?"
    
    A heavy-breathing voice on the other end says:
    
    "I want to come round to your house, pull all your clothes off, throw you on the floor, and have violent sex with you."
    
    She replies:
    
    "All this you can tell from 'Hello'?"

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12. 0

    Wendi Mposted 15 years ago

    This guy burns his eyelids so badly that the doctors decide to do plastic surgery to reconstruct them.
    
    They used skin that had been preserved from circumcisions.
    
    The surgery was a success!
    
    The guy is a little cock-eyed now though!

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13. 60

    DogSiDaedposted 15 years ago

    Once there were 3 balloons: Mummy balloon, Daddy balloon and Baby balloon. Baby balloon often got scared at night and slept with daddy and mummy balloon. One day Mummy and Daddy balloon said "Son, you can't sleep here any more, you are too old, you must sleep in your own room."
    
    That night baby balloon was frightened, and went into his parents room. He tried to get in, but found he could not fit.
    
    In the morning, mummy and daddy balloon woke up, to find baby balloon lying between them, with plenty of room. Daddy balloon was furious. He scolded his son, saying:
    
    "Not only have you let me down, and your mother down, but you've also let yourself down..."
    
    
    Not that great, but it's my father's favourite joke XD

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14. 58

    reymundposted 15 years ago

    Two men were buying their favorite fruits in the market. The first man grabbed the banana while the second took the apple.
    
    First man: Did you know that only poor people eat apples in our place?
    
    Second man: Well, only monkeys eat bananas in our place.

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    1. 60

       webismineposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Simple, but good joke

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15. 78

    iantoPFposted 15 years ago

    Once upon a time there was a yellow Toad. The yellow Toad was tired of being that color so he went to see the magician.
    "Mr. magician, I'm tired of being yellow. I want to be green like all the other Toads. Can you help me?"
    "Certainly" replied the magician "Abracadabra!" and the little Toad turned green.  Except for his dangly bit.
    "Thank you for making me green Mr. magician, but look! my dangly bit is still yellow. Can you do something about that?"
    "Oh no." replied the magician, "That is beyond my power. You will have to go and see the Wizard of OZ."
    So the little green frog with the yellow dangly bit went hopping away.
    Just then a pink elephant walked in.
    "Mr magician I'm tired of being pimk. I want to be grey just like all the other elephants. Can you help me please?"
    "Certainly" replied the magician "Abracadabra!" and the elephant turned grey.  Except for his dangly bit.
    "Thank you for making me grey but my dangly bit is still pink. Can you do something about it?"
    "Oh no" replied the magician. "That is beyond my power. You will have to go and see the Wizard of OZ"
    "How do I get to the Wizard of OZ?" asked the elephant.
    The magician replied
    "You follow the yellow prick toad."

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    1. 88

       BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       Bwahahahaha!!!!

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    2. 59

       sannyasinmanposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       

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16. 60

    dingdongposted 15 years ago

    **********
    
    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
    "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
    "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
    teeth.
    Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
    "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
    "No, because he's really heavy"
    
    **********

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17. 60

    dingdongposted 15 years ago

    A Sardar Ji Joke
    
    Santa Singh went to England and stayed in hotel. He wanted to go to loo and went the toilet. He could not figure out where to do it so he decided to do it his socks. He thought that he would throw them later. When he came out he realised that his room did not have any window.
    
    There was a small ventilator so he decided to throw the socks through the ventilator. Somehow he missed and the sock got tangled in the fan and... you know what happened?
    Sheepishly he called the room service. Luckily they sent Banta Singh to attend to the call.
    
    Santa said, "Please dont tell anyone. I will give you 10 Pounds please clean this mess and dont tell anyone."
    Banta replied, "I wont tell anyone. But I will give you 100 Pounds if you me how you did it?

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18. 68

    AdsenseStrategiesposted 15 years ago

    Two gentlemen of undisclosed ethnic origin are building a house.
    
    One suddenly says to the other:
    "Hey did you notice that half of the nails in this box have their points at the wrong end?"
    To which the other replies:
    "You idiot! Those are for the *other* side of the house!"

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19. 59

    oxymoronposted 15 years ago

    Banta's Interview
    
    Interviewer : What's your qualification?
    Banta Singh : Sir I am Ph.d.
    
    Interviewer : What do you mean by Ph.d?
    Banta : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.

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20. 60

    dingdongposted 15 years ago

    Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.
    
    After the last child is born her second husband also dies.
    
    Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies.
    
    At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says,
    
    "At least, they're finally together."
    
    A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?"
    
    The priest says, "I mean her legs."

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21. 33

    jacobkuttytaposted 15 years ago

    "Would you mind telling me,  Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who  appears completely normal?"
    
    "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask  him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he  hesitates, that puts you on the track."
    
    "What sort of question?"
    
    "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the  world and died during one of them. Which one?'
    
    Bob thought for a moment,  then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example  would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.

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22. 57

    Diskobolosposted 15 years ago

    B.B. King's wife decides that she is going to make his birthday especially memorable this year. So she goes out and gets B.B.'s initials tattooed on her ass, one letter on each cheek.
    
    After his big birthday dinner with friends at a fancy restaurant, they go home. As soon as B.B. sits down in his favorite chair, his wife walks up to him and shouts, "I have a big surprise for you."
    
    With that, she turns around, pulls up her dress, drops her panties, and bends over.
    
    B.B. stares for a moment at the big ass just inches from his face and asks, "Who the fucck is Bob?"

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23. 78

    iantoPFposted 15 years ago

    A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
    'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially'
    and 'realistically'?'
    
    The father thought for a moment, then answered,
    'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad
    Pitt for a million dollars.
    
    Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad
    Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother
    if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
    Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
    
    So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would
    you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
    
    The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could
    really use that money to fix up the house and send
    you kids to a great University!'
    
    The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would
    you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
    
    The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I
    would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
    
    The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would
    you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
    
    'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a
    million bucks would buy?'
    
    The boy pondered the answers for a few days and
    then went back to his dad.
    
    His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference
    between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied,
    'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars .
    
    But 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a queer.'

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24. 0

    dnrkrishnan25posted 15 years ago

    super jokes

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25. 0

    dnrkrishnan25posted 15 years ago

    thanks to all

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26. 60

    dingdongposted 15 years ago

    A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night.
    
    The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrant!".
    
    The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter."
    
    The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

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27. 60

    Ann Nonymousposted 15 years ago

    A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..  She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:   
    
    " Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?" 
    
    "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"   
    
    "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
    
    "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."   
    
    "Don't go any further. I know that place.  Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
    
    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
    
    "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him.  He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.." 
    
    A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.   
    
    "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.   
    
    And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
    "Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." 
    
    "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." 
    
    "Oh, really!  What'd he say ?"   
       
       
    He said: "Who mucked up your hair?"

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28. 60

    abichatsposted 15 years ago

    Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
    “Is it in?”

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    1. 60

       dingdongposted 15 years agoin reply to this

       

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29. 71

    Beth100posted 15 years ago

    The next time you call in sick to work, tell them you have Anal Blindness. If they ask what that is? Tell them, "I don't see my ass coming to work."

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30. 80

    mega1posted 15 years ago

    Mexican is walking down a dirt road in Texas - finds a big nice 10 gallon cowboy hat, brand new! He picks it up and puts it on and keeps walking.  Along comes a couple Texans in a pickup truck - "Hey, Pancho, yew want a rahd?" "Gracias, hombre!" 
    
    Riding along, one Texan says "Hey, Pancho, how many sheep you f**ked?"   "Oh, no, senor, I no f**k sheep!"   "Well, then, how many goats you f**ked?"  "Oh, no, senor, I no f**k goats!"  "Well, then, how many pigs y'all f**ked?"   
    
    "Oh, no, senor, I no f**k the pigs!  Senor, I am not a TEXAN!  I just found this hat!"
    
    
    that is my fav joke, probably the only long joke I'll ever be able to remember!

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31. 80

    mega1posted 15 years ago

    Living Will
    
    Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
    
    So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.
    
    She's such a bitch.
    
    
    (got this from Dizzyboy.com)

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32. 80

    mega1posted 15 years ago

    HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
    
    Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.
    
    HOW TO TREAT A MAN:
    
    Show up naked. Bring chicken wings   and beer. Don't block the TV.

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33. 24

    Shinkickerposted 15 years ago

    Here's my favourite all-time joke.
    
    Man does a parachute jump but when he pulls the cord nothing happens. He pulls the emeregency cord and still nothing happens.
    
    As he plummets towards the ground he sees the figure of a man coming up the way.
    
    as they pass each other he asks the other guy;
    "Excuse me, do you know anything about parachutes?"
    
    The guy says "No! ...do you know anything about gas ovens?"

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34. 60

    dingdongposted 14 years ago

    Men are like tape recorder.....
    
    Forward,Backward,Forward,Backward,
    Forward,Backward, stop Eject......
    
    

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35. 61

    Beege215eposted 14 years ago

    An elderly couple are attending church services.
    
    About halfway through, she writes a note and Hands it to her husband.
    
    
    It says, " I just let out a silent fart, What do you think I should do?" 
    
    
    He scribbles back, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

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36. 61

    pink flavourposted 14 years ago

    What is a sheet of paper torn in two pieces for a blonde?
    A puzzle!

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37. 61

    richtwfposted 14 years ago

    What did the big chimney sat to the little chimney?
    
    You're too young to smoke!

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    1. 59

       oxymoronposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       That's funny!

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38. 61

    jokeapptvposted 14 years ago

    funnylol
    
    good jokes

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39. 60

    paradigmsearchposted 14 years ago

    As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients."  But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."

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40. 60

    katiem2posted 14 years ago

    Good laughs, thanks all

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41. 47

    sweetie1posted 14 years ago

    At a bar a guy see a gorgeous lady, he go to her and ask " Can i buy you a drink?"
    Girl : Do u like sex?
    Boy : Yes Yes Yes love it
    Girl : Do you like ot travel?
    Boy: definitely yes. Been all over the world
    Girl : So F**k off

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42. 0

    Home Girlposted 14 years ago

    Bought tablets for brain development and intellect enhancement - could not open the box...

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43. 0

    jerrylposted 14 years ago

    Way back when,  The emperor of China sent his ambassador to America to learn about American culture.  After an extended stay, the Ambassador returned to China.  The Emperor asked what he had learned about Americans.  He said I observed honorable Americans out in the pasture, hitting white ball with a stick with metal on one end, playing game called "AW shit".

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