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One funny Joke ?

  1. profile image0
    dnrkrishnan25posted 7 years ago

    One funny Joke ?

    1. Putz Ballard profile image57
      Putz Ballardposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      An elderly lady gets into a elevator and as the door shuts, she lets go a wall shaking fart and the stink was something awful. She just happened to have an aerosol can of Pine Scent she quickly sprayed fearing the door might open and she would be totally embarrassed. She had no sooner place the aerosol can back into her shopping bag when the door opened and a drunk staggered in and gave a huge "Whew!" She said , what, do you smell something? The drunk calmly reported, Yeah, smells like someone just took a crap on a Christmas tree.

    2. Mr Nice profile image66
      Mr Niceposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      ♥♥♥ Well that is not fair, you were suppose to start with one joke......hahaha. Where is your joke?
      Here is one from me.......

      Friendships: Men vs Women

      Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend’s house. The husband calls his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knows anything about it.

      Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband’s 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he is still there. ♥♥♥

    3. profile image0
      Ghaelachposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Two girl bowling clubs are going out for the night in the big city.
      They are traveling in a double decker bus. One club are all blonds and the other club are all brunettes. The brunettes are down stairs and are singing and dancing and drinking and having a great time. One brunette says she can't here a sound from the girls upstairs and goes to see what's wrong. As she gets on the top deck see's all the blonds holding on to the seat in front with white knuckels and as white as a ghost and stairing straight ahead. Say's what wrong and ask's why they aren't enjoying them selves. The nearset blond answers, It's OK for you, you've got a driver downstairs.

  2. profile image54
    fun2hubposted 7 years ago

    A teacher asks her students  to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."

    The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"

    Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."

    The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."

    Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

    1. NunezWillLearn profile image56
      NunezWillLearnposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Let me give the teacher the right sentence on behalf of the class, "My teacher asked me to make a sentence with the word "fascinate".

      1. dingdong profile image59
        dingdongposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        big_smile

  3. blogdigz profile image54
    blogdigzposted 7 years ago

    A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.

    A cop pulls him over.

    "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

    "I’ve been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

    "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you’ve had quite a few."

    "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

    "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"

    "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf."

    1. Cagsil profile image61
      Cagsilposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol lol

  4. youcanwin profile image35
    youcanwinposted 7 years ago

    70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

    A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

    Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"

    1. profile image55
      ericsondyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      LMAO

  5. iantoPF profile image88
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    So I'm in this hotel, and I'm feeling lonely. I open this magazine and there she is, Lolita. At least that's what the magazine says her name is. She;s a lovely looking woman with everything exactly where it ought to be. I dialed the number she so thoughtfully provided and this real sexy voice said "Hello"
    Right! so I told her what hotel I was in and gave her my room number and said "I want a massage. No, let me be hinest, I want sex. Hot, sweaty, steamy sex all night long. So bring your toys, bring your whipped cream, we're going to have a party. How does that sound?"
    She replied; "That sounds fantastic sir, but if you want an outside line you have to dial 9 first."

    1. Himitsu Shugisha profile image78
      Himitsu Shugishaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Hilarious!!

  6. webismine profile image60
    webismineposted 7 years ago

    Great jokes so far lol

  7. profile image0
    dnrkrishnan25posted 7 years ago

    good jokes....

  8. sannyasinman profile image61
    sannyasinmanposted 7 years ago

    Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
    A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
    She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
    With that, she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" 
    Then she hollered..."Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. 
    She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.  The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. 

    Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"  The other one answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

    Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

  9. iantoPF profile image88
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    Three Chinese men came to America. Their names were; Chu, Bu, and Fu. Because they were in America they wanted their names to sound American. So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck and Fu....had to go back to China.

    1. sannyasinman profile image61
      sannyasinmanposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      smilesmilesmile

      1. jacobkuttyta profile image46
        jacobkuttytaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        very funny

    2. Cagsil profile image61
      Cagsilposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

    3. terrowhite profile image57
      terrowhiteposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hahahahahha big_smile big_smile

    4. thirdmillenium profile image59
      thirdmilleniumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha

  10. goldenpath profile image73
    goldenpathposted 7 years ago

    Did you know that they found a cure for Swine Flu?  Yes, it's in the form of an "oink"ment.  Did you know that they also found a cure for Bird Flu?  Yes, it's "tweet"able.

    Darn hilarious jokes from everyone!  I'm still rolling...

  11. wyanjen profile image84
    wyanjenposted 7 years ago

    A brown chicken was standing on the side of the road. It yelled across the to the blonde chicken, "I want to cross the road! I want to get to the other side!"

    The blonde chicken yelled back, "You ARE on the other side!"

    1. Jennifer D. profile image74
      Jennifer D.posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      OMG so funny!

  12. Lady_E profile image82
    Lady_Eposted 7 years ago

    Police Officer pulls over a Driver.

    Officer:  "Can you blow into this bag please."

    Driver: "But why Officer? I haven't done anything wrong?"

    Officer: "My Chips are cold."

    1. thirdmillenium profile image59
      thirdmilleniumposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hey

  13. profile image54
    fun2hubposted 7 years ago

    Funny jokes!

  14. profile image54
    fun2hubposted 7 years ago

    Teacher:  Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

    Student: I is the....

    Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

    Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

  15. iantoPF profile image88
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    A man and a woman meet in a bar. After a few drinks and the usual talk they end up at his place. As soon as she walks in the woman noticed that this guy had a fantastic collection of Teddy Bears. All arranged neatly on wall shelves according to their size.
    She was wondering what is a GUY doing with all these Teddy Bears but she doesn't say anything because pretty soon they rip the clothes off each other and spend the night in mad, passionate, lovemaking.
    The next morning she says;
    "Well, how was it?" he replied
    "Take any prize you want from the bottom shelf."

    1. terrowhite profile image57
      terrowhiteposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hahahaahhah big_smile big_smile

  16. oxymoron profile image56
    oxymoronposted 7 years ago

    The Perfect Son

    A: I have the perfect son.

    B: Does he smoke?

    A: No, he doesn't.

    B: Does he drink whiskey?

    A: No, he doesn't.

    B: Does he ever come home late?

    A: No, he doesn't.

    B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

    A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

    1. iantoPF profile image88
      iantoPFposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Does he have a particular fondness for breasts?
      Does he drink straight out of the bottle?
      Does he burp when you hold him in your arms?
      Six months old and he's just beginning.
      smile smile smile

      1. wyanjen profile image84
        wyanjenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        lol lol

    2. terrowhite profile image57
      terrowhiteposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hahahaha.. thats very funny now.. big_smile big_smile

  17. weblog profile image49
    weblogposted 7 years ago

    Jack: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

    Jill: Ok


























    Jack: A white horse fell in the mud.

    1. thirdmillenium profile image59
      thirdmilleniumposted 7 years ago in reply to this
      1. Clara Ghomes profile image58
        Clara Ghomesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        Old one .. but nice hahaha..

  18. maribin profile image61
    maribinposted 7 years ago

    Q -   Why is the heart is always in the left side?

    A -   Because the heart will never be right.

  19. dingdong profile image59
    dingdongposted 7 years ago

    A teacher asked a student to write 55.

    Student asked: How?

    Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!

    The student wrote 5 and stopped.

    teacher: What are you waiting for?

    student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

  20. dishyum profile image57
    dishyumposted 7 years ago

    Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

    The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

    One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

    "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

    The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

  21. iantoPF profile image88
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    A husband and wife were planning on going to a fancy dress party. On the night the wife complained she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to go. The husband seemed disappointed so the wife urged him to go on his own. She said she would go to bed and be OK.
    So the husband went but after about an hour the wife felt better and decided she'd like to go anyway.It occurred to her that her husband didn't know what she'd be wearing so she thought it might be a good opportunity to see what he gets up to when she's not around.
    When she got to the party she soon spotted him, dancing and flirting, even copping a feel when he could. She went up to him and started flirting herself. He didn't recognise her, and because they were married she let him go as far as he wanted. Then she whispered in his ear and they went to one of the rooms, turned off the light, and had sex.
    She slipped away from the party and when her husband got home she was sitting up in bed reading.
    "Good party?" She asked.
    "Oh! it was OK" he replied.
    "Did you dance much?" She asked
    "No, not at all" he replied. "Some of my buddies were there so we sat in the back room and played Poker most of the night."
    "Oh really!" she said "You must have looked really silly playing Poker in that costume?"
    "No" he replied. "I gave the costume to my father, apparently he had a wonderful night."

    1. blogdigz profile image54
      blogdigzposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol lol

  22. THE LIP profile image61
    THE LIPposted 7 years ago

    "What was BRUCE LEE called after he died?
    DEAD LEE!!!

  23. profile image0
    cosetteposted 7 years ago

    A blonde and a brunette go camping in the woods. When night falls, they pitch their tent and fall asleep. Around midnight, the brunette wakes up because of a noise outside their tent. She tries to wake the blonde, but the blonde is a very heavy sleeper and will not wake up. The brunette finally goes outside where she is attacked by a bear roaming their campsite. The blonde hears her friend scream, and goes outside to see what the matter is. She finds her friend lying still on the forest floor and runs back to their tent to call 911 on her cell phone. When the operator asks her the nature of her emergency, she says
    "I think my friend is dead."
    "Alright," the operator says. "No need to panic. First make sure she's dead." The blonde goes into her tent retrives a shotgun, and shoots her friend.
    "Okay," she says. "Now what?"

    1. wyanjen profile image84
      wyanjenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol
      geez. Blonde jokes are not usually violent, just ditzy in a harmless way...
      lol

      Way to go on your 100 cosette smile

  24. Bovine Currency profile image60
    Bovine Currencyposted 7 years ago

    A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote on his paper,"The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"

  25. profile image0
    cosetteposted 7 years ago

    thanks. hee hee i love blonde&brunette jokes. and any joke that begins with "this horse walks into a bar..." smile

    1. wyanjen profile image84
      wyanjenposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      OK then, I'll repost my blonde chicken joke:
      A brunette chicken was standing on the side of the road. It yelled across the to the blonde chicken, "I want to cross the road! I want to get to the other side!"

      The blonde chicken yelled back, "You ARE on the other side!"

    2. profile image65
      logic,commonsenseposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      'horse walks in a bar' is my favorite joke!

  26. Bovine Currency profile image60
    Bovine Currencyposted 7 years ago

    Taoism: Shit happens. Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit. Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of AllahProtestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us? !Hinduism: This shit happened before. Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad. Har Krisna: Shit happens, Rama Rama!T. V. Evangelism: Send more shit!!Atheism: No shit. Jehovah's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens. Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happenin'. Christian Science: Shit Happens in your mind. Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't. Existentialism: What is shit anyway? Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me. Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!

    1. John Kounoupis profile image61
      John Kounoupisposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Have a shirt that sais all of these. big_smile

  27. Itswritten profile image59
    Itswrittenposted 7 years ago

    Two guys were in a bar.
    They are discussing how often they get laid,
    One guy says to the other guy that he gets laid about once or twice a week.
    The other guy says man thats messed up , And says Ithat worst than me I get laid maybe four or five times a month.

    So while they are discussing the situation they notice a stool over laughing , they didnt think it was funny being laid not often enough,
    So they decided to go over to the guy and see what he thought was so funny and thought it would be a good idea to ask the guy how often does he get laid.
    So they walk over to him and one of the guys ask what are you laughing at do you think it is funny , and the other guy says how often do you get laid since you think it is funny.

    And the guy goes once a year

    Both the guys started laughing at the guy's answer and one of them says you mean to tell me that you only get laid once a year and you sitting over here laughing at us, lol they both began to laugh loudly and one of the guys says what  you laughing,we both get laid more than you the guys says cause tonight is the night

  28. cheaptrick profile image75
    cheaptrickposted 7 years ago

    I was walking through the park the other day,saw a guy mugging a little old lady so I jumped in.It took a while but we finally got her purse from her.


    A ninety year old man goes to the doctor and says"I need some Viagra".The doctor says"Your to old for Sex".The old man says"Its not for Sex,I just want to stop Pissing on my shoes".

    I met a HOT dame at Scully's bar.She said"lets go back to my place for drinks and cigars".I said"I don't smoke".She said"You will when i get done with you".

    A man gets cancer of the penis,his doctor amputates and attaches a Dog penis in its place.Two weeks latter the mans wife calls the doctor and tells him her husband Died.the doctor feels terrible and asks if the mans body rejected the dog penis.The wife says "No, he sat down in the middle of the street to lick his balls and a car ran him over".

    1. oxymoron profile image56
      oxymoronposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      ROFLOL lol

    2. THE LIP profile image61
      THE LIPposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Now this is what I call a real joke..Almost fell down laughing..Keep em coming!!!

    3. Wendi M profile image80
      Wendi Mposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      LMAO!

  29. profile image54
    fun2hubposted 7 years ago

    Q: Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?

    A: Cut off your head.



    Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?

    A. Where you left it.

  30. kingbyname profile image61
    kingbynameposted 7 years ago

    A man walks into a pub with a very thirsty centipede.

    "What can I get you?" the barmaid asks.
    "I'll have a pint - and a half for my friend here" the man says.
    "But he looks like he's dying of thirst," the barmaid protests.
    "Well, that's true enough," the man says.  "But I don't want him getting legless."

  31. Fresh_Flower profile image55
    Fresh_Flowerposted 7 years ago

    Somewhere in a prison cell in USA. A huge strong muscular guy shares the cell with a tiny little guy. The big guy says to the tiny guy:

    "So, who do you wanna be tonight? Mummy or daddy?

    The tiny guy goes:

    "Well..., I think I'd prefer to be daddy"

    Then the big guy goes:

    "Let's go for that, come here and suck mama's d*ck!"

    1. dingdong profile image59
      dingdongposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      That's gay!!! lol

  32. dishyum profile image57
    dishyumposted 7 years ago

    My daughter is your reward

    Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

    As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

    He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

    The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

  33. Ruby Slipper profile image83
    Ruby Slipperposted 7 years ago

    A bear walks into a bar in Butte, Montana. He walks up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't sell beer to bears in bars in Butte, Montana."
    The bear very calmly replys, "See that woman sitting at the end of the bar there? Give me a beer or I'll eat her."
    The bartender repeats, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't sell beer to bears in bars in Butte, Montana."
    At this point, the bear is getting frustrated. "I'll give you one last chance. Give me a beer or she dies."
    Again, the bartender replys, "I'm sorry sir, but we do not sell beer to bears in bars in Butte, Montana."
    So the bear goes to the end of the bar and swollows the woman whole. He returns to the bartender, and says, "Now, I'd like a beer."
    The bartender replys, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't sell beer to bears in bars in Butte, Montana. Especially bears on drugs."
    "What do you mean on drugs? I'm not on drugs." The bear insists.
    "Didn't you know, sir," the bartender asks, "that was a bar-b**ch-you-ate."

    1. Clara Ghomes profile image58
      Clara Ghomesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol.. big_smile

  34. Ruby Slipper profile image83
    Ruby Slipperposted 7 years ago

    Why do women wear make-up and perfume?

    Because they're ugly and they stink.

  35. ddsurfsca profile image72
    ddsurfscaposted 7 years ago

    Three men were on a deserted island, when one of them found a beautiful bottle washed up on the beach.  He we cleaning it off, when a jeanie appeared and told him  that he and his two friends each got one wish.
    The first man wished for a mansion, complete with servants, and food.  POOF there it was.
    The second man wished be had a million dollars and somewhere to spend it, and POOF, he had the cash and a shopping center.
    The third man asked if he could wait a few minutes for he couldn't make up his mind?, and the jeanie told him no problem.  The man was so happy that he just wanted to sing, and the first song to enter his mind was a tune to a commercial, and he sang,"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner, and POOF....

  36. iantoPF profile image88
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    I am sad to report that the man who invented the Hokey-Pokey has died.
    It was a serious and solemn affair, until it came time to place him in the coffin.
    They put his right leg in...............It all went downhill from there.

  37. ixora profile image56
    ixoraposted 7 years ago

    ~~From my hub~~ laugh-for-life

    A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph!

    The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?"

    The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."

    The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"

    The man replied, "I don't have one officer."

    "Of course you do," said the policeman.

    "No sir, I don't," said the man.

    "So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman.

    "This is not my car, I stole it," said the man.

    "You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.

    "Yes I'm afraid so sir,"

    Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."

    The man said, "There is nothing in the glove compartment except some candy, oh, and my gun."

    "Your gun!" exclaimed the officer, clearly worried by this point, as this man was obviously a lunatic.

    "So you don't have a drivers license, you stole this car, and there is a gun in the glove compartment! "

    "Yes sir," said the man, "Oh and a body in the trunk."

    "WHAT!!" said the policeman turning white, "Ok so you have no drivers license, you have stolen this car, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk?"

    "Yes," said the man, sounding slightly irritated.

    "Look," said the policeman, "You wait right here and don't touch anything! Don't move, don't even breathe."

    So the policeman ran to his car and radioed the station, "I want to speak to the chief," said the policeman, "And quick!"

    He waited about a minute and the chief came on the line, "What is it," he said.

    "I've got a man here, he is a complete lunatic he has very calmly stated that he is driving a stolen car, he has no drivers license, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk," said the policeman.

    "I'll be right there," said the chief.

    In ten minutes the man and the car were surrounded. There was the chief of police, a swat team, everybody you could imagine.

    The chief walks slowly to the car in his bulletproof vest and says to the driver, "Hello sir, may I see your drivers license?"

    "Of course," said the man, and produced it from his back pocket.

    Looking puzzled, the chief asked, "Is this your car?"

    "Yes," said the man.

    "Can I see your registration please sir?" asked the chief.

    The man leaned over to open the glove compartment.

    "Please don't open it sir!" said the chief.

    "Why?" asked the man, "I thought you wanted my registration. "

    "I do," said the chief, "But there is a gun in there."

    "Don't be silly," said the man, and he opened the glove compartment, empty apart from some candy.

    "Let me get this right," said the chief, "You have a drivers license, this is your car and there is no gun in the glove compartment. "

    "Yes," said the man,

    "And there is no body in the trunk, I suppose," said the chief.

    "BODY!" exclaimed the man, "Why on earth would I have a body in my trunk?"

    "Sir I apologize for this, but my officer told me that you had no drivers license, you had stolen this car, you were in possession of a gun, and a body in the trunk."

    "The lying fool," said the man, "I'll bet he said I was speeding, too!"

    1. dingdong profile image59
      dingdongposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Clever!!! lol

    2. profile image55
      ericsondyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      hahahhahaha

  38. profile image0
    baconmidgetposted 7 years ago

    There were three guys stranded on an island, and they get captured by canabals. The canabals take the men to the king canabal, and he then proceeds to tell them what they must do if they want to live. They are each given a different type of fruit that they must find ten of, the first guy had to find ten apples. In a little while he returns and the king canabal tells him the next part of the callenge. He must now shove all ten apples up his butt without making any facial expressions. He (the first guy) started counting, ONNNEEEEE... he whences and slash gets his head cut off.
    The second guy then comes back with grapes. Same thing he must now shove all ten grapes up his butt without making any facial expressions. He starts shoving 1...,2...,3...,4...,5...,6...,7...,8 then all of a sudden he points and laughs for no reason at all, and slash gets his head whacked off.
    Then in heaven the first guy asks the second guy why he laughed and he said, "Because I seen the third guy coming with pineapples."

    1. LOT2DO profile image58
      LOT2DOposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      I've heard this in some other form, but still a great nasty joke lol

  39. Richard Craig profile image66
    Richard Craigposted 7 years ago

    So Jason was in bed with his wife and he noticed Death was standing at the end.  "It's time you came with me" Death said.  He replied with "What! Why?"
    "It's your time, you an either be reincarnated as a chicken, a worm or a snail"
    Jasone thinks for a moment and decides a chicken would be the best for him.  So in a flash he found himself on a farm next to another chcken.  The other chicken says "hello" but before Jason can reply he gets a funny feeling inside him.  He asks for help and the other chicken tells him "Push, keep pushing".  Jason done this and was shocked to find that he had layed an egg.  Then he gets that feeling again and begins to push hard to let out another, then BANG! he's hit.  He hears his wife shouting "WAKE UP! YOU'RE SH***I*G IN THE BED!"

    1. Jennifer D. profile image74
      Jennifer D.posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      OH NO! Hahahaha

    2. Clara Ghomes profile image58
      Clara Ghomesposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol big_smile

      1. dingdong profile image59
        dingdongposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        lol

        That stinks mad

        1. profile image55
          ericsondyposted 6 years ago in reply to this

          hahahahahhaa

  40. iantoPF profile image88
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    Late one night this guy is walking his girlfriend home. When they get to her house he leans against the side of the door, trying to look all sexy and says "Give me a blow job."
    :No" she said, "My parents are home."
    "That's OK" he said "They're asleep. It's late."
    "But I can't It's my house" and it went on for a while, with him leaning against the side of the door begging and she's saying no.
    Suddenly a window opens and the girlfriends sister put her head out.
    "Dad says, give him a blow job. If you won't do it, I'll do it. If necessary Mom will come and do it. But whatever, get his hand off the intercom."

  41. BeccaHubbardWoods profile image86
    BeccaHubbardWoodsposted 7 years ago

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?


    Because he was dead.


    What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?


    Dam!

  42. pay2cEM profile image86
    pay2cEMposted 7 years ago

    A blonde walks into a library, marches up to the front desk, looks  the head librarian straight in the eyes and declares rather loudly, "I'D LIKE A BURGER, ACHOCOLATE SHAKE, AND SOME FRIES!!!" The librarian looks at the blonde like she's nuts, and says, "You DO realized this is a LIBRARY, right?" The blonde looks around, slightly confused, but she notices the shelves upon shelves of books, the stacks of magazines and periodicals, and the rows and rows of students reading and studying. Finally, she nods her head in silent acquiescence that, yes, she is indeed in a library. So she leans across the desk towards the librarian, and whispers in a very quiet voice, "I'd like a burger, a chocolate shake, and some fries..."

  43. pay2cEM profile image86
    pay2cEMposted 7 years ago

    What's the different between a car and a golf ball?



    Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

  44. kirstenblog profile image76
    kirstenblogposted 7 years ago

    I found this one funny but I work with young kids so I hear some pretty bad jokes lol

    Where does a wasp go when its sick?





    To the waspital! lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol big_smile

  45. Jennifer D. profile image74
    Jennifer D.posted 7 years ago

    What is the difference between men and women?


    Women want one man to meet all their needs and men want all women to meet their one need.

    1. blogdigz profile image54
      blogdigzposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol

  46. cally2 profile image61
    cally2posted 7 years ago

    What were Tiger and his lady doing outside at 2.30 in the morning?
    Clubbing

  47. blogdigz profile image54
    blogdigzposted 7 years ago

    Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?

    Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."

    Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."

    Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use."

    1. sensu0s profile image56
      sensu0sposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hahahahahahaha smile) smile) smile)

  48. sensu0s profile image56
    sensu0sposted 7 years ago

    can someone here please teach me to laugh sad




    i mean how to make this laughing smiley ?

    1. blogdigz profile image54
      blogdigzposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Put ":" and "D" to get this => big_smile and : lol : for => lol

      (no space in between)

      1. sensu0s profile image56
        sensu0sposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        thanx big_smile lol big_smile ... ahem well are there any smiley for hugs and kiss ? tongue

    2. jacobkuttyta profile image46
      jacobkuttytaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      ":" "D" "lol"

    3. jacobkuttyta profile image46
      jacobkuttytaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Put ":" and "D" to get this => big_smile and : lol : for => lol
      ":" "D"  lol

      1. jacobkuttyta profile image46
        jacobkuttytaposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        lol

  49. profile image65
    logic,commonsenseposted 7 years ago

    A hill billy walks into a drugstore and starts looking at condoms.  The pharmacist walks over and asks if he can help.  the hillbilly says, "I'm just looking for condoms."  The pharmacist asks, "who is it for your wife or girlfriend, we have all kinds of special condoms"?
    The hillbilly replies, "it is for my 12 year old daughter".
    The pharmacist gasps, and exclaims,"you mean to tell me you have a 12 year old daughter that is sexually active!?"
    "No", the hillbilly replies,"she just lays there like her mother!"

  50. sensu0s profile image56
    sensu0sposted 7 years ago
 
working