Poem: Man-Made Loner by Brenda Arledge

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  1. Jodah profile image91
    Jodahposted 22 months ago

    Please read this touching poem and commentary by Brenda Arledge.

    Brenda, i am shocked to hear how differently you are being treated after Ron’s passing. As a single woman on the prowl, and someone who stole his sons’ inheritance. Surely, that is only judgemental people who don’t know you well, but you say it is even friends in fear you will steal their husbands. How small-minded some people can be. I love the songs, especially “Rumors.” As the To, Petty song says, “Don’t back down.”

    1. surovi99 profile image82
      surovi99posted 22 months agoin reply to this

      A very heart-felt poem, Brenda. It hurt to know how the others are treating you after Ron's demise. "Treat others how you want to be treated" is a great line and relatable to life. I hope this phase for you passes away soon because no phase in life is permanent. I wish you all the best. May God bless you.

      1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
        Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

        I'm not sure what happened...I replied to this one the other day.

        Thank you so much for alerting me that it didn't post.

        I appreciate your heartfelt comments.

        Treating others how you want to be treated is a great way to live one's life.

        All phases fade after awhile...sooner or later.

        Thanks for the well wishes.

        1. surovi99 profile image82
          surovi99posted 22 months agoin reply to this

          Thanks for reposting your comment, Brenda.

    2. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks John...
      Some of them don't know me very well, but others have known me a long time.

      I guess women here are very insecure in their relationships.

      That's sad.

      As for me, I don't let too many people in my world. 
      I never have actually.

      I've watched this sort of trend my whole life...even back in high school.
      I had friends who refused to stay friends with me if I became friends with others...as we went from the first 8 yrs to a new campus with others & I was placed in college prep and a majorette.
      Then those same college prep kids didn't want me to be friends with those I had known all my life.

      It's small town living...

      I'm fine.  No worries here.

    3. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Ron & I spent most of our time together...alone.
      So, I'm actually used to not having others around, so I'm fine.

      It is shocking...but this is a small town.

  2. Pamela99 profile image89
    Pamela99posted 22 months ago

    I am shocked too, Brenda. People are sure being small minded. You sure know who your friends are and who they aren't your friends.

    This seems to petty on their part. They should have seen how much you and Ron loved each other.

    I think your poem, the quotes and the song choices are excellent. Hang in there, Brenda. I think over time you will carve out your path for the future with those that are truly friends. You sure have friends in us on HP.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you.

      I love all my Hubber friends & I'm glad to be a part of this community.

      People here lack a certain sense and quality that each of you have in life.

      Ron and I loved one another and I'm happy I was here for him.

      Nothing anyone says or does can take that away.

      Sometimes people speak without thinking...
      But so often others treat you differently after someone passes away.

      I hope no one else has to feel this pain, but I'm sure it happens alot.

      Others just don't let you know.

      As for me...I'm fine. 
      Ron & I always kept to ourselves....so it's nothing new.

      I have been meeting and making new friends.

    2. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks Pamela...
      Thee are times in life where we are left confuse by the actions of others...but all is well as long as we know our heart is in the right place.

      Solitude is fine...I'm home.  Right where I need to be..right where Ron wanted me to be.
      I'm happy I found that kind of love..that is all that matters.

    3. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      I imagine God put me through things to help make me strong enough to handle this.

      I'm glad I enjoy my own company.

  3. Misbah786 profile image85
    Misbah786posted 22 months ago

    Hey, Bredz. I understand what you're going through, but trust me it's only a matter of time before everything is back to normal. You don't need to prove anything to anyone; the wonderful thing about truth is that it speaks for itself.

    You are fortunate that God has revealed the true colors of those around you; imagine how horrible it would be to connect with such a narrow-minded bunch of individuals. At the very least, you now know their  mindset.

    People who didn't care for Ron when he was alive and unhealthy have no right to anything. Just be happy that Ron loved and cared for you. He trusted you with his everything. That’s what matters.

    Don't give a damn what people think, say, or do; in recent years, I've learned that I have no control or authority over anyone's thoughts; I can't make someone believe that their ideas are wrong. It's because in today's world, everyone has become a "god," if not "God." Don’t give a damn to jealous and envious people.

    Simply be happy and surround yourself with people who make you happy. I understand that words can hurt, that they have the power to cause deep wounds and straight on the soul, but those who can walk away from you were never meant to walk along you on this journey of life; there's a reason they don't make it to your future.

    Just keep trusting God’s plan, He surely has written many beautiful things for you in this life and the hereafter. And yes talk to me whenever you feel low, I promise I will do my best to make you happy.

    Enjoy your sweet kitties and love yourself. Love those who love you, ignore those who spread rumors; when they get tired, they will stop. Be happy because you deserve everything good. Love you heaps! xx

    Thank you so much, John, for sharing Brenda’s work. Have a great day. smile
    Blessings to both of you!

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      You are right...as they say, the truth will set you free.

      Eventually the truth will surface, but sadly when that time comes...I will have no use for their friendship.

      I am grateful they have shown me their true colors.

      God has a way of guiding my feet just where they need to be...
      Just like he's guided me here to Hubpages where I have a wonderful group of fellow writers who understand me.
      I'm thankful for all of our talks.

      No need to worry.  I am a strong person.

      There are times I want to hide bebeath the covers, but that's just not me.

      I live my life.  I enjoy my time here with the kittys and I am so grateful for each moment Ron and I had together.

      Our lives were not perfect, but our love was true.

      I've got to go for now.  I've got an appt to get my hair trimmed and then a doctor's appt....so I've got to get ready.

      Sending you warm hugs..

  4. RozlinMohsin profile image60
    RozlinMohsinposted 22 months ago

    I am too shocked to hear how you are being treated after Ron's death. Indeed, we should treat everyone as we want to get treated by others. Soon this phase will move on, dear Brenda. Almighty loves us a lot more than anyone can. You have truly poured your heart in your poem and prose.
    Take care.
    Sending Blessings and lots of love in your way.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks Rozlin...
      I think people honestly treat others differently after a death of a loved one.
      I don't think it's just me. 

      The ones who follow the sheep per se maybe...but the others just don't know what to do or say.

      I am content.  I don't let it stand in my way of living my life...God walks with me.

  5. ravirajan01 profile image94
    ravirajan01posted 22 months ago

    It is shocking, Brenda. But be brave and fight it out. This phase will go away soon, and you will come out shining. The truth might get delayed, but it would come out one day. Thanks for sharing this intensely personal story.

    Thanks, John, for sharing.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you.

      The truth will come out.

      The lawyer tells me that the judge finally signed off on Ron's will, so that should tell people something.

      At least...I'll be able to get his affairs settled.   That will help me out.

      I guess there is a phase in life for everything.

      Take care

  6. PurvisBobbi44 profile image90
    PurvisBobbi44posted 22 months ago


    The love you two shared was wonderful, and his spirit is still with you-- is more than the others who did not show their love for their father will ever know.

    I am so sorry we cannot reach out to the ones we care about on HubPages, because I send my love and many hugs to you. You and Bill Holland were the first one I met many years ago--my two favorites.

    I wish you a wonderful life and one day maybe there will be another love in your life.

    Your words will lie on my heart for a long time. And I will keep you in my prayers.

    I tell all my friends to 'Rise Above it' when others are jealous of them---they are the ones whom I pray for--they need love and they spread evil rumors.

    Rise High Brenda,

    XOXOXO and prayers,

    Bobbi Purvis

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you Bobbi...
      No worries...I am rising above it.

      I still can't help but think...what on earth...but that's their problem and not mine.

      Ron & I knew what it was to love one another.  We felt each other's pain & I know he is still with me.

      The road is sometimes bumpy...but I guess that keeps me awake and going forward.

      Thanks for your kind words and that wonderful hug.

      Take care

  7. Cattaleya profile image80
    Cattaleyaposted 22 months ago

    Dear Brenda,

    It's the saddest thing to loose someone so close. I'm sure it feels like the loss of a limb. And it makes things so much worse to be in the presence of such obnoxious and constricted mindset. Our so called 'civilized humans' are far from real development. Technology, science and arts are changing; people are learning to accept and fight for extremely important causes that were shunned and condemned for generations - and then you have people like these who have the only talent of contaminating and polluting everything around them.   

    I love how beautifully you have portrayed the situation in your poem. Such a bitter matter - yet so skillfully and artistically presented. My sincerest condolences. You are a strong woman and we all love you and wish to keep reading your wondrous contributions.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Tiyasha ...
      Thank you so much.

      I appreciate your kind words about my work, as well as the situation.

      I plan on continuing my writing, so no doubt I will keep posting on Hubpages.

      I just gotta get past this recent health issue.

      One day at a time, but I'll get there.

  8. ChitrangadaSharan profile image92
    ChitrangadaSharanposted 22 months ago

    Dear Brenda!
    It makes me sad to read this. Please ignore negative people and negative thoughts. Stay calm and I am sure the coming days will be good for you. These are testing times for you and I wish and pray that it’s over as soon as possible. Just keep those precious memories with you about your love.
    Good of you to write about this —Writing is therapeutic and it can heal.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Thank you John for sharing this in the forum.
    My best wishes to both of you.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you.

      I do keep people like this away from me, but it's still hard to understand the actions of some.

      I hope I never treat anyone this way.
      I hope I don't jump to assumptions about anyone who is facing such drastic life changes.

      It does help to pour my words onto the page.

      Thanks for your continued prayers & good wishes.

  9. AliciaC profile image95
    AliciaCposted 22 months ago

    The way that people are treating you is horrible, Brenda. It’s sad that Ron has died and sad that some people’s reactions to the situation are so unpleasant. Stay strong!

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Linda. .
      It's definitely not something either one of us ever expected.

      We talked alot about things and tried to prepare.

      The sad part is...they are only hurting themselves.

      The truth will surface.

      Thanks for being here.  I am alot stronger than they ever thought.

  10. vidsagster profile image85
    vidsagsterposted 22 months ago

    Hi Brenda, it is shocking and saddening at the same time to know that friends who ought to be there for you at such a time are being so mean and cruel as to spread such rumors. it is good that you gain strength from the memories of the love you and Ron shared. You are brave and you are better off without such friends. It is at such stressful times that we see the true character of people. Your friends at Hubpages love you and care for you. As all our other friends here have said, you will get over this phase and no doubt come out stronger. your artistry of expression is well reflected in your poems. We will pray for you, take care and stay strong.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Vidya....thank you.

      There are many who I don't even worry about any more.

      I've stopped communicating with them altogether.

      I don't need friends like that.

      I've always had issues trusting people who claim to be my friend....thankfully the true colors shine strong during these times.

      One day at a time...i will slowly get things done.

      I wasn't sure about posting this one...but I needed to release it.

      Now it's done.  I can move forward without negativity in my path.

      Take care

  11. Peggy W profile image97
    Peggy Wposted 22 months ago

    Losing a loved one is hard.   My heart grieves for you, Brenda.  Ron's love will always be a part of who you are.  Draw comfort from that and discount any negativity.  Being single after being a loving couple is an adjustment that takes time.  Be kind to yourself.  Sending loving thoughts your way. 

    Thanks John for sharing her post.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      It is quite an adjustment.

      No worries, I let that negativity slide off my back...but it's disappointing to know it's there.

      People can be mean, but thankfully I'm strong enough to not let it get me down.

      Thanks for those loving thoughts.  Always appreciated.

  12. surovi99 profile image82
    surovi99posted 22 months ago

    Can you not see my message, Brenda, right after John's intro? I can see it but can you? Let me know.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Not sure what happened there...i replied a few days back.

  13. Diana Lee profile image81
    Diana Leeposted 22 months ago

    I very much understand what you are dealing with. Hang on tight to the ones that stay near and try not let the others see your pain. They don't deserve your attention. It's unreal how the vultures come out of the woodwork when someone passes away and they weren't to be seen when their loved one needed them most. Good hub.

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks Diana
      The old saying...
      Don't send flowers when I'm dead...
      Certainly applies.

      We need to take time for those who matter in our lives.

      And yes...I'm stronger than anyone knows.

  14. PurvisBobbi44 profile image90
    PurvisBobbi44posted 22 months ago

    Hi Brenda,

    I am so happy you can feel his spirit. When I feel safe and content--I feel Clint is with me and I am happy--I smile. Unless one can feel this--then I am sure they cannot understand, but we can.

    Love and Best Wishes this weekend and all through the year.

    Bobbi Purvis

    1. Brenda Arledge profile image80
      Brenda Arledgeposted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks Bobbi...
      I think you are right...they have to be going through it before they understand.

      I'm glad you can feel it.  It's comforting.


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