......and the internal conflict of revealing these things to the world through the possibility of publication? I Wonder sometimes if famous writers suffer this way.
I'm not famous, but I'm not even in any conflict over it. I would very much love to really write what I need to write, but I know there's no way I would ever do that - not even under a fake name or under the guise of "fiction" (which would have to be suspiciously similar to everything in my real life ).
So, when I'm not writing stuff that isn't personal at all; and when I'm writing what I think of as "personal" stuff, I'll "hint" at the real stuff when I write, but that leaves me exhausted because of how much writing it takes and how much effort it takes to tell the story without just saying what I need to say.
I'm discovering, though, that trying to "sort of hint" and "sort of tell a story" is like opening a "brain valve" and having real trouble shutting it again. I almost think it's better just to keep that brain valve closed forever and let it rust shut. The trouble is, if you try to do that the pressure builds up and a lot of words start shooting out with a lot of force. My thing isn't so much a matter of being torn, as it is a matter of being exhausted trying to manage how much and how long I let that brain valve be open. Another problem is that once I've let a bunch of words come rushing out and filling pages, I still haven't emptied out the thoughts that need to come out; and all I end up with is a big, mess, of half-baked writing that didn't do what I needed it to do.
If you read my hubs, the answer will be in some of those.
I have been writing for 3 years now, terrified in the beginning to put my stuff out on the net for the world to see. Thinking somehow only in my own mind was i a good writer. Even after i sent excerpts out of my work to a select few and asked them for honest feedback. The reports were glowing and still i relented. FINALLY I found Hubpages, and the flood gates burst open, courage flowed and i have never looked back. It's almost cleansing to have my work out there now, i have never written so hard or so furiously than since i became a Hubber. Personal stuff or fiction, it's all good, so i say "let your pen fly"!
Its nothing about writing to be famous or finding that acknowledgment, for me its how to twist the world in your own way through the writings you leak onto paper.
Though I always wondered what it would be like if people really did love the stuff i made. Would my life be better, but then again think of this way I believe all good writers even great writers suffer some way or another to find the ability they now have
I write what I feel, maybe too much so, but there you are. I am just compelled to I reckon.
ralwus, I can write really honestly about how I feel if it only involves me and my feelings. Where I wish I could be more honest is when other people are the ones I'd like to write about. In all seriousness, I just can't risk hurting people or ending relationships over some of the stuff I feel. I guess my thing is that my gripes are about other people. When I'm not worried about their feelings I'm not able to risk letting "some people" know they've managed to apparent aim to get the best of me. I've actually considered seeking a counselor to "vent on", but the Catch 22 of the need to write is really also the need to let those people see how I feel (which, of course, would mean putting it on the Internet ). That's why a counselor wouldn't end the need to just make things public, and it's why writing in a "secret notebook" wouldn't do it either.
Perfect ralwus, cant agree more.....nice hubs there...
there are ways of doing that without revealing who it is you are writing about. I know how you feel Lisa, but holding onto some of those things can be harmful to one's soul too.
Oh, I know. I can't believe I'm being quite this candid (but again, I have no problem being brutally honest about just my own feelings), but I'm pretty much nowhere near the same person I "really am" or once was. I'm just like one, big, vial of hidden vitriol; packaged in a reasonably pleasant persona. I can just imagine the heart disease building up as we speak. (I don't really think it's funny either, although it's so extreme and so against my real nature, it just does strike me funny.)
I've actually (and often) considered writing under a completely different name, not linking to anything else, etc. etc., and just saying what I need to say; but, you know what? I'm so frozen into keeping it all "a big, secret" I can't even imagine doing that. How stupid is that!
So true , holding crap in takes away living!
...that's for sure. At this point, my thing is (whether in writing or in person) I can't even really contain it. I mean, someone will say, "Nice day," and whatever I answer back seems to contain some crap-related thread that has nothing to do with "Nice day". .
thank you ahorseback. A belated welcome to you. I will check out your stuff shortly then.
I'm pretty sure that this 'being torn' thing is common to many authors, particularly in their first major work. They want to tell the world of a personal experience or experiences but are self-conscious to the point they can only get it out there as 'fiction.' (assuming the reader won't realize that!)
We reveal our character to a great degree in our writing. For the introvert -and many writers are shy - exposing our feelings is often viewed as dangerous: people might scoff, people might laugh, people might be disgusted. We nearly all long for approval, after all.
But, strangely enough, readers admire the person who has the guts to bare their soul. They sense it has taken courage to do so and admire the writer for it.
I am a soul barer I hold back nothing, maybe it's easier for an older writer to bare ones soul and not hold back or try to bury who they are in a fictional manner. I have see the fire and the rain and felt the pain and sorrow in my younger years of growing up in a very turbulent home. At this hour of my life I hold back nothing and by writing who I am and sharing my tribulations, many comments have been left with a thank you for being honest and sharing they way I do. My courage has come with age:0)
For me it is writing personal accounts of things from the past. But on the other hand i find it enjoyable writing poems.
I'm not famous either, nor am I torn. I think my life has been very boring, therefore nobody will be interested in reading it anyway. It works well when it's time to release the inner self through writing.
No I'm not torn. I'm not a creative writer and I'm a private person so I don't need to let it all hang out. Besides I don't trust the net with any personal info. I like writing hubs. Of course that may change in the future if I feel like doing something more challenging. Who knows?
Yes. Sometimes I am torn for I want to please my reader. But I also want to please myself. I too am a very private person, so I try to let"a little hang out in my writings". I know as I write more, I will let myself go more. Feed back is so important to a writer, I think it's our Blood Line.
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