So, a young fellow leaves collge to visit his grandpa, who lives in a primitive cabin in the woods. He lives off the land; has no utiities. His sink sports an old-fashioned water pump, and he has a wood stove.
As they are eating dinner by lantern light, and catching up on the years, the young man thinks he sees a speck of dried food on his plate, but figures it is the poor lighting and says nothing.
The next morning at breakfast, he was sure he saw dried food, but still refrained from pointing it out, figuring the old man's eyesight might be failing.
However, at lunch, he had quite a large bit of stuck-on food, and he finally spoke, "Grandpa, there is some dried food left on the plate from breakfast. I don't think it got washed well." The old man grunted, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Eat your lunch!"
Again at dinner, same story. The old man snarled, "I told you at lunch, they're as clean as cold water can get them! Don't bother me about it again!" The young fellow shrugged, and tried to just eat around the spot.
Later, he decided to go out and sit on the porch. His grandfather's dog was blocking the door, and growling at him. "Grandpa, your dog won't let me by." Gramps looked up from his newspaper and called, "Coldwater, get out of the way!"
ha ha ha ha .....that's funny....made me laugh out loud!
What an excellent joke!!
Can I re-tell this one? It's clean AND very funny.
Thanks for sharing.
Sure, mythbuster--it's been around the block a few times--I forget who first told it to me. I own no copyrights on it. ;-)
The old ones are the best - come on DMS give us another !
umm.. ok, alternate poet... here goes:
A fellow buys a horse from an old preacher. The preacher gives the guy very specific instructions on how to make the horse go and stop.
"Remember, " he creaks... "this is a religious horse. To make him go, bow your head over and whisper, 'Jesus Christ.' To make him stop, say 'Amen.' "
The fellow pays, gets on the horse, leans down and whispers, "Jesus Christ." The horse obediently starts off. After they go a ways, something spooks the horse, and he breaks into a full gallop.
The rider panics, forgets the magic word, and keeps hollering, "WHOA! STOP!! WHOA!!" all to no avail.
Finally, he remembers, and shouts out "AMEN!" The horse skids to a halt right at the edge of a cliff. The rider heaves a big sigh of relief, wipes his brow, and exclaims, "Jesus Christ!"
Very cute. Reminds me of the one with the parrot telling the robber that "Jesus is watching you" over and over. Then you discover that Jesus is the name of the vicious dog that's about to bite him.
First joke was great! I'll be telling that to a few people in the morning!!
Haven't heard that one before, clever though and funny. Cheers
Ready for another? Hang on!
A pirate captain haunts the high seas, doing battle and plundering as pirates do. As he is about to engage in a battle, he calls out, "Cabin boy! Bring me my red shirt!" They enter the battle and are victorious.
A week goes by, and they spy another victim. Again, "Cabin boy! Bring my my red shirt!" This goes on for several months, and finally the cabin boy asks, "Why do you always call for your red shirt when we are about to do battle?"
Replies the pirate, "That is so if I am hit, my men will not see the blood, and they will have the courage to continue."
A few months later, the wily old pirate is on lookout, and finds himself surrounded by the British navy.
He scrambles down, and bellows, "Cabin boy!! Bring me my brown pants!"
I want to die peacefully and in my sleep, like my grandpa. Not screaming and crying like his passengers.
A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.
They manage to swim to a small island and they lived there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.
She felt having sex with both Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and, after a while, nature once more took its inevitable course.
Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So they buried Deirdre.
Behind every successful student,
there is one Girl friend..
But what about a failed student..??
A Beautiful Teacher..!!
by Liz Elias 2 months ago
I just picked this one up from Facebook:
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Fellow poets, what are some of the ways you share your older poems?
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Americans on a sinking yacht send a message over the radio:"Help! We're sinking! We're sinking!"A response comes over the radio:"Hello? Zis is ze German Coast Gahd. How we help you?"Americans: "We're sinking!"Germans: "Hmmm...and vaht are you sinking...
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A group of 40-year-olds discussed where to meet for dinner.Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant; because the waiters and waitresses were good looking and had buff bodies. 10 years later, at age 50, the group once again discussed where to meet for dinner.Finally,...
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