What to do when family drama works knocks you out?
Somebody is abused and it hurts, I am too far away and those who are close seem to be blind or just not care. I don't know what to do. I am working on options though I really resent those who just care about themselves and let my mother become a vegetable because of the abuse.
Is there no way where your mother can stay with you? Because I know there are many people who don't care at all. It would be better to have your mom near you if not with you.
this is very similar situation happen in my life. no one close by was 'availabe' or seemed to care enough to want to intervene, I was living 4 hours away and had a good job, friends, my daughter had friends, liked her school.
The situation finally became so untenable I had to move home. i don't know that I would recommend that for everyone.
It was just what I had to do.
And, you know what? I was never sorry. I never had any regrets. I left things and people behind I wanted in my life and two of them are still are very important part of my life. So while leaving was difficult it worked for me.
Now, I do not know if this helps you. That may not be an option for you. If it isn't an option maybe you can speak with those who are close by and get them to reconsider and make themselves available.
I am watching the same thing play out again with another family member and this time I can't be the one to intervene. It is very difficult as I mentioned before. I will keep you in my thoughts.
I understand your situation as I have had to deal with it also. It wears you out trying to figure out what to do and still keep your own mind. I took my mother out the nursing home because of the way she was being taken care of. thousands a month and no clean beds, no baths, and horrible food. She is home now with a part time care giver and I oversee things when the caregiver is not there. No matter how you shake it . it is difficult. I am an only child so I don't have to deal with other peoples opinions. My husband has siblings and only one is taking care of the situation. Let go of the resentment as it will only add more stress to your life and go forward and change the situation to suit yourself.
I took care of my mom for 4 years, moved back to FLa to do it. I still don't know if it was good or bad, good for her, bad for me I can tell you that. she was a partially paralyzed stroke patient. I got a lady in to bathe her, I took her to docs, etc. But I left my whole life in N.Ga and now I'm that much older and it's hard to get going again. She was in a nursing home for a while but was so unhappy I couldn't stand it.
There are senior services most places who you can call but you have to get in touch with them. You could probably find them online. Type in Senior Help and the name of the city and see what comes up, get in touch with them, ask what they can do to help. Abuse is never tolerated and they will send somebody to check out your mom's condition.
I did find that writing about it at night after a long day of caregiving was a help to me,(I didn't publish it, just wrote it all out, vented on paper.) I also stayed active and got into line dancing a couple afternoons a week when somebody else was with her. It kept me sane as I was in touch with people my own age, music and happy activity. If you're going to take care of her yourself, you have to think of your own needs also even for short periods of time.
Good luck and hope this will give you some ideas that help. I think if I did it over again I would have her come up and live at my house with me, that way I wouldn't have lost touch with friends and stayed active up here. It does mean putting in handicap toilet and bars on the tub so there's some cost involved but would be worth it to know she's well cared for and you keep part of your life the same.
I'm sorry to read about your situation.
If you can, I would suggest bringing your Mom to live with you. It's obvious that you care and that is what she needs.
I would definitely pray about this too.
All of you are diamonds not in the raw!!! Thanks I have been praying about it and told my sisters to have her during the week and week end with them... to look after her money which is a issue here... they want her pension but don't want to care for her or let her be!
i will make her cross the ocean as soon as i move to a bigger place and my personal finances allow me to...soon!
Thanks again may you all be blessed for your care and kindness.
Love and peace to you all
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