Sad News. I had A Death In My Family.

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  1. brimancandy profile image77
    brimancandyposted 10 years ago

    I have been away from hubpages for a while, (Again.) and, thought I would pop back in and see if anything has changed. But, mainly because I am bored, sad, and need something to do.

    I have been living in northern Michigan with my mother for the past 2 years, taking care of her after the death of my older brother Dennis, in 2012. Well, on Saturday, April 19th, 2014 my mother passed away after her 3rd battle with pneumonia er lungs just could no longer function on their own, and she  got very sick within a weeks time, and passed away in just a few days.

    It is very heart breaking to sit in a hospital room for hours each day, just watching someone you really care about slipping away from you. Though the hospice people made sure that her passing would be as comfortable as possible, and she went in her sleep. Though just 3 days before she died, she was up and chatting with me, and joking with the nurses, and hearing her call my name on that last day, just had me in buckets of tears. I will miss her greatly.

    The toughest part for me though, is seeing how fast the vultures start coming around, wanting to get paid. And, how quickly you become meaningless in the process. My mom left no will, and I'm not exactly sure what is going to happen to the house, since my name is not on the mortgage. I am not working, as my main job was caring for her, and since her social security will stop coming, I will have no money to keep up the house, and have a place to live. Don't know what is going to happen.

    Plus I have been put in charge of planning the memorial service, and have all kinds of things to keep track of. With nobody to help me. So, I'm kind of going bonkers!! That and I live in the middle of nowhere, with no social outlet to turn to. At least no place I can get to quickly if I need to.

    So, for those of you who have family members who are ill. I will hope that your family has made futer plans for what will happen if that person should pass away. More should be done for people in this country who lose a family member. We can fight wars, and give billions to corporations, but helping a simple family with loss, funeral costs, and their ability to move on...the government cares less.

    The first thing I thought about was all the dying soldiers in all these pointless wars, and how little the families of those soldiers get when their loved one dies for what? Even worse for those who are injured to the point where they need constant hospital care, while the family has the burden of making sure that person gets to where the care is given, with little or no help for the family.

    I have lost my father, my brother, and my mother. I think if I died tomorrow nobody would give a shit.

    1. moonlake profile image86
      moonlakeposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My deepest sympathy for your loss.

      1. brimancandy profile image77
        brimancandyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks you. It's been very hard on me. I have been living with my mom for the last 2 years, and caring for her, in the good times, and a few bad. And, now that she is gone, I am left to take over what she left behind. mainly the house and her bills, and the vultures are already circling.

        Now that it is my time to be cared for...nobody wants to be there. It's very lonely feeling.

    2. oceansnsunsets profile image84
      oceansnsunsetsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother.  I hope everything goes smoothly for you, even though it sounds like its a bit chaotic now.  Sending my sincere condolences to you and your family.

    3. Huntgoddess profile image68
      Huntgoddessposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Dear Brimancandy, This is really horrible, what you have been through. I am so so so very ♥ sorry ♥.

      If you died tomorrow, please believe that I would care. But, you look pretty young on your profile photo! I don't think you have to worry abut that. Also, I know your mom would not want that, either.

      Just believe and know that your mom is in Heaven with Jesus, and she is grateful for all the hard work and dedication you have given her.

      As far as getting some much-needed support, either financial or emotional ---- have you tried to get in touch with your county agency? I know you say you live in the middle of nowhere (aka "boondocks?"), but even the Middle of Nowhere is in some COUNTY, even if there is no municipality.

      You have the Internet, obviously, because you're posting here, so just go online and search for the name of your county. There has to be a phone number and address for each county.

      Just call them, or write, and ask if they can help with what you feel you need. Even if your county has nothing to offer ---- You never know. Sometimes they have reciprocity agreements or something, where several counties join together to provide services.

      If you are not a Christian, I apologize for mentioning Jesus and Heaven.

      I hope you will be feeling better soon. Please post on the forum, to let us know, ok?

      Good wishes.

  2. writinglover profile image76
    writingloverposted 10 years ago

    I'm supposed to be on hiatus but this caught my eye. I'm really am sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you're struggling with everything right now. It doesn't seem fair, does it, when the government doesn't have any kind of sympathy for families, period. I just had a similar conversation with my aunt about getting my grandmother's will and living will done. I guess that's the reason why I also wanted to comment on this thread since my grandmother is getting towards the century mark (4 years shy as a matter of fact) and near the end of her life.

    So I truly am sorry for everything that you're going through. If I may say so, from hubber to hubber, if you died tomorrow, I'd care, even though I don't know you (personally). smile

    1. brimancandy profile image77
      brimancandyposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for caring. Now, I might just live another or at least another 30 years. Which would put me at 79. Don't want to live past that.

  3. AliciaC profile image92
    AliciaCposted 10 years ago

    Like writinglover, I would care if you died, brimancandy, even though I don't know you apart from seeing your name at HubPages. Thank you very much for sharing your advice about preparing for the death of a family member. I know from experiencing my father's unexpected death that I should have made more preparations for the future.

  4. word55 profile image70
    word55posted 10 years ago

    My condolences to you and your family for the loss of the most important person ever in your life. Thank you for sharing your situation. There are a lot of understanding people here. We are your hub friends and always will be. May your precious mom rest in eternal peace. Be strong and do the best things for your family and hopefully you'll come back and share more with us.

  5. Kiss andTales profile image60
    Kiss andTalesposted 10 years ago

    I would like to also give you my condolences for the lost of your brother and your mother. Even though we are aware what sickness can lead to ! We just can never be prepared when family depart. What has help me to cope with  this helpless sad feeling is to know Our heavenly is Quoted in the Reference Bible at Luke 20:38 He is a God, not of the dead, but of the living, for they are all living to him.”  He created humans to live. Not to die. And so just like a candle that loses its flame. He knows how to replace it. At acts  24:15 and I have hope toward God, which hope these [men] themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous.
    Do not be amazed at this, for the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice ,29  says ,and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life, and those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgment.

    Revelation 21:4 And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”

    How do we know this will come true,
    Mark 10:26 -27 Looking straight at them, Jesus said: “With men it is impossible but not so with God, for all things are possible with God.”

    Nu 23:19 God is not a mere man who tells lies, Nor a son of man who changes his mind. When he says something, will he not do it? When he speaks, will he not carry it out?
    Tit 1:2 and is based on a hope of the everlasting life that God, who cannot lie, promised long ago;

    I hope this will be a great comfort to you and your family.

  6. Baby-Boomer-58 profile image72
    Baby-Boomer-58posted 10 years ago

    Your family has gone and you think if you died tomorrow nobody would give a s**t. No wonder you feel lonely.

    How about you take the time to grieve and tidy up the loose ends around your mother's house, and then get out and get on with your life.

    You're not too old to get out and make friends and maybe even create a new family of your own.  Then when you finally go, there will be people who miss you.

    Good luck with your new adventures.

  7. Millionaire Tips profile image91
    Millionaire Tipsposted 10 years ago

    I am sorry for your loss.  I'm sure it is very difficult to grieve and deal with the tasks and finances especially when you feel that you are alone.  I am sure that you have the strength to do it - just work on one thing at a time, and you will get through it.  You've gone through a big life change, and there will be many things that will change as a result, and I am sure that most of them will lead to a brighter future.

  8. elayne001 profile image77
    elayne001posted 10 years ago

    Sorry for your great loss. It sounds like you need grief counseling and help from social services. I hope you can reach out to them for assistance, and do not feel bad, because many of us have to at least once in our lives. Wishing you well - time can heal some wounds, but it is best if we have help in dealing with difficult times. Aloha!

  9. tirelesstraveler profile image61
    tirelesstravelerposted 10 years ago

    Being a caregiver is an amazingly difficult task, but one of great love.  You have done an act of great love for your mom and she knew it full well.
    Take a couple of days to collect your thoughts.  Then think about what your mom would have liked in the way of music and words to be said at her service. 
    You can do this.

  10. sparkleyfinger profile image88
    sparkleyfingerposted 10 years ago

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Some people can go through their entire adult life without having to experience the pain of losing a loved one. Even so, when you lose someone who was so close, who you saw every day, and who depended on you for so much, it definitely hits harder than anyone else.
    In my short life (i'm 25) I have lost 11 people that I was very close to, one of them being my gran, who I cared for and lived with. It may all be overwhelming just now, but you will get through it, one step at a time. And, don't let anyone talk you out of keeping what seems like a silly memento, because you will regret getting rid of it.
    Chin up xx

  11. Jodah profile image89
    Jodahposted 10 years ago

    Hi Brimancandy, sorry to hear about your sad loss. You have certainly been through a lot. I lost my mother and father within a year of each other, and as you said, the vultures came out, but fortunately they had wills. My wife lost a younger sister last year, so we have experienced loss. It is a sad and difficult time. You should be able to contest the will if need be, as you were her full time carer, and if the memorial service is up to you to arrange you should be able to access some of your mother's money to pay for that. Glad you got the time to check back into hub pages. I hope it all works out ok for you.

  12. Kathleen Cochran profile image74
    Kathleen Cochranposted 10 years ago

    I had no idea how hard it is to lose a parent until I lost my mother a year ago.  I share your grief and I hope that lessens yours a little bit.

  13. alison monroe profile image62
    alison monroeposted 10 years ago

    Well take care of yourself...I would give a s**t if you stopped writing, because I like reading your stuff.

    1. Kiss andTales profile image60
      Kiss andTalesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree Allison Monroe! That is the  right words I would want to hear at a sad time in my life. I am encourage by your kind words.

  14. brimancandy profile image77
    brimancandyposted 10 years ago

    Thanks for the kind words and thoughts everyone. I have a lot of work to do for the next few months. My focus after my moms service will be in selling the house, and trying to go through her stuff, and figure out what should be done with it.

    She was a pack rat, and has hundreds of craft magazines, and tons of craft supplies. Going to take many long hours to go through it all.

  15. Thelma Alberts profile image91
    Thelma Albertsposted 10 years ago

    My heartfelt condolence! Sorry to hear about your lose. I know it´s a hard time for you but you have to take care of yourself. Your mother would not want you getting sick. I hope everything will be fine soon for you.

  16. Nell Rose profile image89
    Nell Roseposted 10 years ago

    I am so sorry for your loss, I know it must be so hard for you. It is horrible when you lose so many people close to you, I am sure you will find the strength to get through this, and I am sending you my prayers, take care.


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