Why would anyone want to get married again if last marriage was torture?

1. 58

   mariefromsfposted 12 years ago

   Why would anyone want to get married again if last marriage was torture?
   
   Wouldn't it be wise to never marry again if your last marriage was many painful years of emotional hell and torture?
   
   

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2. 77

   ii3rittlesposted 12 years ago

   Coming from someone who is engaged to be married for the first time this Fall, I think it depends on how it ended...
   
   To me, marriage is a physical and spiritual connection, after all, we become one under God once we are married. It opens the door for two people to create a firm foundation for family making aka having kids.
   
   If say, a women marries a man who was false about who he was, and once married, he lied, cheated, ect. Yes I am sure it would be hard... My mom is friends with a women who is on her 4th marriage. While, I don't agree with why she left any of them, she still had to courage to go thru it again, and again, and again, and finally, once more.
   
   Also, I know two people, my fiance's mother and her boyfriend (His step dad) who were both married once and vowed to never be married again. His mother went thru an abusive marriage at a young age. Her husband was an alcoholic and abused her. She had every right to leave. My fiance's step dad, on the other hand, had a wife who cheated on him, with not a man, but a woman, and to me, that's enough for a man to feel marriage is the enemy.
   
   We can't look at marriage as being at fault for what happens, if a marriage should fail. If people don't connect on a spiritual level in any aspect, I can tell you right now, it wont last. Many people ignore this and become selfish in their own hearts and marry that person anyways and 9 times out of 10 it fails.
   
   I am no expert on the matter, but I think one can't blame marriage for a failed relationship when the rock wasn't firm in which two people stood on.
   
   So is it wise, it depends on the approach, but love doesn't always have knowledge. In speaking, Love is blind, we have to rely on a strong heart and follow our own beliefs instead of settling for someone else's. When we settle, we fail.

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3. 89

   mcrawford76posted 12 years ago

   I would have to say optimism. That perhaps that first marriage was just with the wrong person. You have to believe that the next one wouldn't the the same.

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4. 0

   Jussara Scottonposted 12 years ago

   If the first marriage was a disaster, doesn't mean the second will be bad. If you get married for the second time you probably  won't make the same mistakes 'cause you'll bring maturity to this new relationship, and you'll probably marry a different person so why do you think there will be torture again? It's a hole new context and everything could happen.

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5. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   It's not "the institution of marriage" that was the problem in the previous marriage. Most likely it was (selecting the wrong mate) that led to the demise of the marriage.
   
   If you go to the grocery store to purchase an apple and buy an onion instead...Whose fault is that? Do you lay the blame on the grocery store?
   
   Each of us selects our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There is no way of getting around this fact. Instead of saying the problem is "marriage" the real problem is with us not knowing ourselves well enough to select "the right person" to spend the rest of our lives with. (When you're not good at something the easy thing to do is to slam the process or throw in the towel. Our lives are the result of decisions and choices we've made over the years.)
   
   A lot of people don't invest the time to do some introspective thinking to determine what is most important to them in a marriage/relationship or they don't spend enough time getting to know if their future mate has those traits. Many people get engaged during the "infatuation phase" of a relationship.
   
   Both people have to want the same things for the most part in order for a relationship to last. They have to be growing in the same direction.
   
   Another possibility is YOU weren't "ready" to be married.
   Getting married for the wrong reason is a recipe for disaster.
   Awhile back I wrote a hub titled "5 Reasons Why Men Should Not Get Married." It could also apply to women as well.
   http://hubpages.com/hub/5-Reasons-Men-S … et-Married

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