Nothing against your spouse if you have one, but in a different life, knowing what you know now, would you get married?
Being 24 I have a tough decision to make, and I haven't decided.
I've been married for 40 years and was 19 when we married. He is great man and my best friend. If I had it to do over again, I would wait a little while, and be a little older....but hopefully the same man would want me.
We married after only knowing each other 4 months--that I don't recommend. The first time he lost his temper, I was stunned. I thought, Gee, he's always in a good mood on our dates.
It worked out fine, but we had some hills to climb!
I still like to get married. I was married once but it was a parental choice,it didn't end nicely as he continued to cheat on me, the marriage was annulled. I am scared to get married again, maybe someday. I guess it is case to case basis. It will be a beautiful experience with a person you want to be with for the rest of your life.
Tony, share your experiences too, were you married b4? once or twice?
Once a long time ago. I was to young and too irresponsible. I was very wild in my youth.I take total responsibility for that failure. I still have this old fashioned romantic notion that if ever it happens again it will be forever. I am kinda corny that way.
would I marry the same person again - yes, or would marry someone with an accepting nature like him. Would I remarry - yes, if someone suitable would have me. Although whether I would formally marry, I don't know
I am 53, been married three times, and I would unquestionably do it again! I may be certifiable just for saying that, but when it's good it's great, and I miss it.
Being alone is the absolutely worst thing you can be, so choose wisely.
There are a myriad of choices between married and alone!
How others reply doesn't matter. Their situations, experiences, and interactions, only apply to them.
In any endeavour results can be; good, bad, or otherwise. Is it easy? No. Does it take work? Yes.
I would definitely marry again. Pray, counsel with your pastor/spiritual leader(s) and trust yourself. You'll know when the time is right.
Absolutely get married. This is my second marriage and I know now what I want from a relationship and I am embracing it. I think that marriage is just the icing on the cake. You both will decide how that icing tastes in the end (make up your own future in other words). The past is the past and you have a future to build now. Go for it.
Marrying is not usually the problem, the problem is normally the person to marry. if you find someone you are comfortable with, then go ahead and marry her but if not.. to take your time!
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever. Ever. Once was plenty for me. But it does suck that there's no one around to kill spiders and carry heavy objects.
No, I would never marry again, but you should not base your decision on what I, or others would do. You're very young, and have lots of time in which to make the lifelong decision pertaining to marriage, or singleness. Don't rush into any thing. What people say on the Internet should not be the deciding factor. So make the decision that will work best for you and not what anyone else will or will not do. I know I repeated myself, but I really want you to get the point.
I see absolutely no reason to EVER marry. It's an unnecessary formality in my opinion. I was married 23 yrs the first time and 4 so far this time, but I would never ever ever ever do it again.
EDIT....IF a person decides they want to get married I highly recommend living with them at least year before you do. Some things you just don't learn about a person until you live with them day in and day out.
Don't let other people tell you what to do. You can make your own decisions.
If you're simply looking for opinions, not to influence you, I'm 25, so only a year older than you. At this point in my life, I can't IMAGINE getting married. I'm very hesitant and not sure I would want to commit myself to only one person for my full life...
That's just me.
Best of luck with your decision. Follow your heart.
I would not get married again unless someone made it really, really, really worth my while - making me an offer I couldn't refuse involving lots of property and money! Even then I would think long about it - marriage is outdated in my opinion - sometimes you get a good tax break filing as a couple - and some people's religions demand it - but other than that I can't see any good reason. I would possibly live with someone because of the companionship and it is economically wise to share expenses - BUT I harbor no illusions about the strength of marriage vows. that's just my opinion and I've witnessed some gorgeous marriages and I'm all for them -
I guess I'll be the odd one out. Yes, I would marry again if I could find someone. I'm not easy to live with.
As independent and self sufficient as I am, marriage has taught me that 1+1=3. I am not complete alone.
I can't imagine coming home to an empty house every night. It just wouldn't be a home to me. Only the fact that there is someone there that loves me through thick and thin makes it a home.
Yes, I'll admit that not just anyone could live with me, and have me feel accepted. I'm sure my son is in that category too - he's certainly not easy to live with, but if he finds someone that loves him, that will be awesome.
I'd rather be with someone that loves me than be alone & lonely. I'd rather be on my own than with someone that is horrible to me
That's how I feel, wilderness. I am married, but I'm responding to your last paragraph.
Mikeydoes, getting married and having children is the greatest decision I've ever made.
Would you get married again?
This implies that I have been married once already, which isn't the case. I've yet to find a woman to fit the bill. So far, I've given them all the freedom and the rope to hang themselves, yet not a single one of them has had the good enough common sense to not hang themselves.
So, in all honesty, I cannot answer your question.
I just contend that you can have 1+1=3 without a marriage license.
Absolutely. Even as rough as my first marriage was, if the person was right and the time was right and the moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars...I kid. I really would, but I would take the time to get to know them, REALLY get to know them before I took the plunge again.
I got married two weeks ago, and nothing feels different, as such I conclude that it is a pointless contract to formalise something which already exists. I don't regret it though, who knows whether I ever will, but I think that the importance of marriage is very much dependant on the couple in question.
Marriage is a bond that a spirit, soul, heart shares with another. It is a commitment that stems from within. A piece of paper is just another way for the government to make money.
You don't need a piece of paper or government approval to be married.
I agree totally, but it's not just the government that makes money out of marriages! LOL A lot of professions benefit from marriages (and the subsequent divorces).
So true. And so many of them play head games to keep the money rolling in. It's sad when people take advantage of others during their worst times.
Happy Valentines KCC!
You are entirely correct, I think, about marriage being a bond and not a piece of paper.
However, that piece of paper gives certain legal rights (and obligations) that will not happen otherwise. That's what the gay marriage thing is all about, in fact.
Absolutely, as long as is was to the same man I've been married to for 36 years.
Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?
I really love being married -- at the age I am now.
We are partners in dealing with life's challenges. I would have a really hard time handling alone what Hubby and I have gone through in the past 7 years (that's how long Hubby and I have been married)
But I am not 24.
What I can tell you, from personal experience (my own and friends'):
1. NEVER get married because you are feeling pressured!
2. Make sure you've gotten your wild oats sewn before walking down the aisle. You don't want to feel cheated later.
3. Expect that each of you will grow and change over the years. No one has a crystal ball to predict how either they or their spouse will change (or not change). But just know that at 24 you are not the person you will be in 10 years.
4. Consider your motives. WHY do you want to get married?
It sounds trite, but "being married" is not the same as "getting married." Same thing goes with raising a child vs. having a baby. If your thinking doesn't go past the romantic notion of these two events... you could be in for trouble.
Good luck with your decision!
first time lasted 14 years, and was rough but worth it right up until it didnt work any more,... and we are still friends that drink on the tailgate of the truck.
second one.... wow,...over grown 12 yr old that wanted a free ride,.... took 4 years to shake him,... in the end, had to to soo deaply offend his sences that he left of his own free will,... had a LOT of fun being that offensive,..
and now,.... now i've learned that i dont have to mary them, i dont even have to look at them again if i dont want,...
i know how to drive home, and i know how to fix biscuits and gravy and show them the door.
as for maridge,... good luck with it,... but i dont buy lottery tickets, i dont go to casinos,.... and i dont think i'll ever get married again.
I can't imagine being able to duplicate the closeness that comes after more than four decades together.I could never know anyone else as well.
If I lost my wife, I honestly doubt that I could love again. Given enough time, perhaps, but I think I'm too old to have enough time.
Very interesting, funny how there is a good number that will not get remarried!
It is just a funny topic for me, more than anything. This has happened to be several times, but this was a few months ago.
I went shooting with my Uncle and his cousin, his cousin who I had never met, was visibly upset. And quickly he was saying why. His wife! After complaining and telling us why he was so upset. He then asked me how old I was. I told him 24, and before he finished he said, "Don't get married! SERIOUSLY!"
The story on his wife was bad news, she goes to the casino with his money to go gambling, and just makes his life a living hell in general. NOW, I do know it isn't for everyone, obviously, but it does have a lot of merit to it. You only have one life, but his is lived every day in stress, pain, and headaches. His kids being the only upside.
I could say I never want to get married, but who knows if I do actually find someone.
Would I get married again? NO!
I've been one time a widow and four times divorced. I've tried it, not once but five times, and with men from completely different backgrounds with different characters, so you can't say I haven't given it a fair chance.
I've lived the high life with a millionaire, and lived the low life with a compulsive gambler who only married me for the money I inherated which he couldn't spend fast enough. I've lived on the road with a wannabe country musician; lived through hell with an artist who abused drugs, and unfortunately my daughters; and finally lived a complete lie with an alcoholic, porn addict who couldn't tell the truth if it meant saving his own life. He would fly into rages and temper tantrums and beat the crap out of me for what he said all the other women in his past had done to him. He lied to me, betrayed me, and cheated on me throughout our whole relationship.
Each time I did everything I could to keep my marriage together. I paid off gambling debts to keep one from getting killed, paid off past due child support payments to keep another out of jail, went through AA meetings, couples counseling and therapy, bought expensive gifts, exotic cars, and big boats, and I even set the last one up with his own business. None of them have anything to complain about because each one of them received a nice financial settlement when I finally reached my limit, came to my senses, and knew that the relationship I had tried so hard to hold together was over.
I've done my time and served my sentence. There is nothing in heaven or hell that could induce me to ever get married again! I don't need a husband, I'm more than financially secure, I have plenty of friends for conpanionship, and I'm only going to date men half my age.
thats the best personal manifesto i've read here yet!
you go on and go like that! if i had money i'd pull it off better than i do, but in the end,... wounded is wounded,.... with or without the money,...
god loves all us wounded,... cause some one has to i guess.
Haven't been married but from what I've seen, I will vicariously live through their experiences and answer with an emphatic, "Helllll no."
My wife and I will have been married forty-four years this summer.
If I had a magic wand that would let me start all over and not marry her, I would take that wand into the back yard, put it on a rock and smash it with a hammer until even the splinters were nothing but sawdust.
I'd then burn the sawdust and dump the ashes in the trash. I hope you get my point.
While I can't claim forty-four years (congrats), I agree with everything you just said, Pcunix. I wish everyone could experience marriage this way.
Recently someone quipped that the only thing sadder than a funeral is a wedding. I laughed.
Now this may not be the case for many, but it does apply to me. 23 years the first time and married for a minute (1 year) the second.
Ain't never gonna do that again. Not never, not nohow.
I'd never marry again. It's completely unnecessary and only complicates life.
Does this depend on the person, camlo? Are you that deadset against it?
Nope. I no longer believe in forever, so how could I promise it another?
My son (in his twenties) announced at Christmas he is getting married for the first time - in his case everything could not be more perfect for both of them and I'm positive they'll have a very solid marriage. It's often a wise thing to marry a great partner and build a really good life together, which is what they are doing - and there's plenty of love there too. I wish them all the best!
wow, sounds like a lot of unhappy marriages.
would I ever marry again? I don't know.. the thought is rather confining after years of being independent, but if the right person, who knows? If it's the real thing, why not? it's not supposed to be perfect, but to love and be loved is a good thing.
I think the right person can always mess that up!
But a lot of the times it seems like the right person usually isn't. So it obviously is important to take a realistic look at how compatible two people are. But it looks to me like many people really don't know what they are getting themselves into.
Its all about what drives us. Sex.
would I get married again, Only if Donald Trump asked me,
and I will gladly said Yes I will marry YOu?
When you two get married, can you please convince him that the whole comb-over thing really isn't working?
Actually, it wasn't my marriage, per se, that put me off to marriage, it was the divorce. I wouldn't wish even the most amicable divorce on my worst enemy. Full stop.
perhaps it's more about timing. obviously many marry before they're really ready, or have no clue that commitment requires compromise and maturity. I would never marry again without living together for at least a year or longer.
Not a chance! Went from the safety of dad and moms home to the safety of a husband. Have never had the chance to be alone. Have never lived on my own, never went out and partied like most young adults, never made critical decisions by myself. Have never figured out who I am as an individual, only as a spouse and mother. Have never gone "out with the girls". If I ever find myself single again, I plan on fullfilling unanswered questions and dreams for myself that only I can fullfill. I love my life as it is, but what have I missed out there?
you sound conflicted,..... like me 5 years ago,.... keep it together.
no, not conflicted. We all want things more than what we already have. I wouldn't trade my life for anything, but if I find myself alone for whatever reason I would persue some of those things I think about on occassion.
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