Is bickering over little stuff and having constructive arguments a bad thing in

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   Laura Schneiderposted 10 years ago

   Is bickering over little stuff and having constructive arguments a bad thing in a relationship?
   
   Is it bad in familial and/or spousal relationships? Or, is it normal as long as it's kept civil? For example, bickering over what movie to see or whose turn it is to do the dishes.

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   word55posted 10 years ago

   Whether it is called bickering, discussing or constructive arguments but people in relationships/marriages should talk about small things, big things or anything that matters to them in order to have a full understanding especially while they love each other. In family matters the main thing should be LOVE for one another and if it is then all things should be discussed. Having love in and among the family keeps love in perspective and helps to resolve issues mutually. Nothing is more important than showing love in EVERY situation. Thanks for the question Laura. Happy Holidays!

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      Laura Schneiderposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I totally agree, word55--open communication is key as long as it's constructive and not hurtful. Love IS the key!
      
      Good seeing you again! Happy holidays to you, also! :-) Cheers!

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   DDEposted 10 years ago

   Bickering about every little thing is  more like nagging and is not a good idea it can ruin a good relationship don't sweat the small stuff.

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      Laura Schneiderposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Good point, DDE! Thanks--I value your advice, you're super-smart and savvy from everything you've written. I'll take your advice and make sure that I eliminate bickering/nagging from my relationships in the future and encourage others, too. Cheers!

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      DDEposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I am glad I could be of help you thank you

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   Grey Templesposted 10 years ago

   Everyone in a relationship will argue at some point.  However, there is always a solution and it is call compromise.  People have forgotten about compromise over the years and need to learn to bring this back into the relationship.  It's give and take; simple.

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      Laura Schneiderposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I so agree! I'm a master at interrupting true arguments by saying that 'we need to agree to disagree and move on now' or else I'll end the conversation rather than create an actual argument. Good advice!!

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   christiananrkistposted 10 years ago

   i think bickering and constructive arguments are 2 different things. when i think of bickering, its just nagging about something small meaningless thing. in which case i would advise against. to me a constructive argument is one in which a specific  goal is attempted at getting accomplished or important point to be made.in which i would say its fine. i also think its important to pick you battles. some times even if something starts off harmless , like arguing whose turn it is to do the dishes, things could take turn for the worst. you just have to keep in mind, how important is this to you personally? or would it be better to just blow it off?

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      Laura Schneiderposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Oooh! Great perspective! I especially love what you said, "bickering, its just nagging... to me a constructive argument is one in which a specific goal is attempted at getting accomplished or important point to be made" Picking battles, too! Thanks!

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   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   I believe it all depends on the individuals and how the couple reacts to one another afterwards. If you are the type of person that hates fighting and arguing over things you consider to be unimportant then you are likely to start resenting your mate each time one of these fights breaks out. This is especially true if it seems like your mate finds something to complain about every other day.
   I've known people who become (bored) when there is no friction going on in their lives. They enjoy being disagreeable or playing devil's advocate even when discussing "hypothetical" situations. I have a friend who was once in a relationship where they fought everyday. I asked him; "What does it feel like to wake up each morning (knowing) you're going to have a fight before the end of the day?"
   Some people may see bickering as "normal" or even as a "loving way" of communicating. However personally I don't enjoy raising my blood pressure and fighting over things that mean nothing in the big scheme of things. Having said that just because I prefer (peace) does not mean I would allow someone to run roughshod over me with pushy demands and insistence on always having things their way.
   At some point in time I would have to re-evaluate the relationship if we seem to be having frequent arguments and disagreements. My relationship goal has always been to be with someone who is "compatible" with me. Fighting indicates "unhappiness" in my eyes.
   Like attracts like in the long run and opposites attract attorneys! :-)

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      Laura Schneiderposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      TOO funny--"opposites attract attorneys!" :-) Love that line!
      
      Great advice on bickering, too. I'm right with you: if it's not worth fighting over, then just plain DON'T. If it IS, and happens often, get a lawyer and get sane again. :-)

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