I'm not usually one to turn to the internet for help, but this question bears asking. I'm currently involved in a relationship that's been going on for just under six months. Recently sex became a serious question, and my partner has driven me into a strange place. Initially, she was the primary half of the relationship pushing for us to take the step to a sexual level, though I understand now that she was doing this because she worried she wasn't satisfying me, as opposed to an assured want of her own. I had no issue with providing, though I had not suggested much. Unfortunately, when the time came, nerves set in and emotions were questioned, and she decided she wasn't ready. The issues start here, because now she's beating herself up over not sleeping with me. I have tried to explain that it doesn't bother me, and I want to move at her pace, but it doesn't really seem to work.
In short, I responded eagerly to my girlfriend's suggestion that we bring our relationship to a sexual level as she made it seem to me that she wanted sex. As it later turned out, she didn't so much want sex as she worried that our relationship has gone nearly half a year and still hasn't become sexual and that she would lose me. Also unfortunately, by responding as I did to her initial notion, I inadvertently confirmed her fears that I wanted sex very badly, and was simply hanging on to the relationship for a little longer before my feelings were outweighed by hormones. Worse yet, still being a virgin, my girl is nervous and unsure about sex, and isn't ready for sex at the moment. This has caused her to be upset with herself for not sleeping with me, and left me to feel awful for somehow causing a woman I really quite enjoy emotional pain over not wanting to have sex /right now/. Is there any way to deal with this situation that can help with the damage already caused?
Aye, six months. I'm apparently one of very few who doesn't think sex is something that should be rushed towards. I fully understand and agree it is important, but I also think that readiness is important; especially as I'm dating a girl who was freshly 18 and coming out of an extremely conservative household at the beginning of the relationship.
Well, that's what I'm trying to do, but she just thinks that I'm ignoring what I want in an attempt to make up for some failing on her part. The issue isn't so much with the lack of sex as her putting herself down for the lack of it.
Yes. Print your original post and give it to her. Tell her where you put it and why.
Encourage a good laugh at the insecurity of two people that both care about the other and don't want them hurt or lost.
Suggest the you both continue on, recognizing that each cares a great deal and should not be so ready to take offense or do things either is uncomfortable with.
by insanebutright 7 years ago
Here's the deal.For the women who withhold intimacy to see if the guy will respect you for "who you are" instead of as an 'intimacy object' which he can then seek from other girls once he gets it from you...How is he going to respect you for 'who you are' when you withhold intimacy?No...
by laswi 5 years ago
Suppose your partner wants to have sex. But due to some reason you are not ready. What do you do?
by lovelylovergirl 5 years ago
It is my unfortunate insecurity speaking. My past boyfriend would make it seem like he could get any girl he wanted. I always so lucky to have him. Not just him, I have had a history of boyfriends who made me feel precisely this way. I recently came in contact with my ex, he is playing the nice guy...
by bruce_king 8 years ago
does sex on a first date make a girl cheap
by John Coviello 3 years ago
If two people are married and they no longer have intimacy, they are ______________ ?Fill in the blank with what comes to mind.
by kallini2010 12 months ago
"The Big News"! Men find insecure women more attractive than secure women. Do you agree?What traits do you find attractive?
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