jump to last post 1-17 of 17 discussions (40 posts)

How to tell your partner that you are not ready to have sex?

  1. laswi profile image60
    laswiposted 7 years ago

    Suppose your partner wants to have sex. But due to some reason you are not ready. What do you do?

    1. Ivorwen profile image72
      Ivorwenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Say 'no'.  It really is not that hard, and if they do not respect your answer, then they are not worth being with.

      1. Mikel G Roberts profile image81
        Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        But be prepared for a split. If I am ready for sex and the woman I am ready for isn't ready or doesn't want sex, to me that sends up a big warning flag about sexual compatibility....that she and I probably aren't sexually compatible...just my opinion...

        By this I don't mean anyone should do something they are not ready for...just that it shows a possible difference in one of the most essential parts of intimate relationships.

        1. Ivorwen profile image72
          Ivorwenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          It could also show different values.

          1. Mikel G Roberts profile image81
            Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Which to me is the same thing.

        2. tantrum profile image61
          tantrumposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          If you like your partner you always want to have sex.

          I always do.
          If I don't feel like it, it means it's time to say goodbye

          1. Ivorwen profile image72
            Ivorwenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Exactly.  However, wanting to have sex and being ready to have sex with someone can be two completely different things.

            1. Mikel G Roberts profile image81
              Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

              true, I agree

    2. profile image67
      Msgracieposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, telling them that no, I'm not ready at this time.  That is what I told guy a lot and he would back off from asking for that...Sometimes they back off completely and if so, then that is great for you because they were not worth having the precious intimacy of having a sexual relationship with you...shows immaturity and lack of openness to having a great relationship if that is what you all are looking for.  If they truly want to know you they will wait, sometimes they won't ask, but if you are done with the date and they are to drop you off and then you have  good night kiss and they keep going they might be expecting that, but it is great if you say sorry I'm not ready and then if they don't care and willing to wait they will say okay and say call you tomorrow and after saying that they do or call you in few days as long as they follow through they are respectful who you should want to consider pursuing.

    3. europe24me profile image59
      europe24meposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I will just tell him no. If you feel a reason is necessary give it to him straight, otherwise you are kind of left feeling the pressure,and the sex may not be all that good any ways.

    4. Dave Mathews profile image60
      Dave Mathewsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      It's called "Just Say No!"

    5. Bronson_Hub profile image60
      Bronson_Hubposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      "No" obviously.  Second, consider myth number 7.  If I'm dating someone and they're insecure about sex or use it to emotionally control, gain leverage, or manipulate me (you must behave or do x, y, z in order to "earn" sex), it's no good and time to get out of a potentially psychologically abusive relationship where sex and affection are highly conditional; rarely mutual.

      Dr. Phil to the rescue on this one.


      The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners.
      Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the "importance scale" if it's a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the "importance scale."
      Don't restrict your thinking by considering sex to be something that only consists of the actual physical act. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life."

      1. profile image53
        totalnutcaseposted 4 years agoin reply to this

        Most women have been used for sex and casually discarded afterward.  If a woman is genuinely turned on by a man, she won't have sex with him unless he's willing to be dedicated and commit himself to her.  And why should she?  She'll just be heart broken and alone after she's hooked ...

        Women get tired of using sex to "earn" love that you guys never reciprocate.  So, they learn to make you guys "earn" sex by showing love...  A man has to be forced and tricked into make a woman happy, whereas, a women find nurturing and pleasing and selflessness more natural.  As we mature, we learn that a man needs to "pay upfront" so to speak or he'll rip her off.

        Its got nothing to do with manipulation.  We just don't want to get hurt.  In 29 years of living, I never slept with the man who I was more attracted to than anyone in my life.  Why?  He was unable to commit because of his children.  I really liked him and he turned me on.  Did I want to find out what it was like to not have access to that when I needed it?  No.  He couldn't be there or assure me that he would be available tomorrow...  though, he claimed he was "head over heals in love" his answer for how long it would last was "I don't know." 

        I didn't need the pain.  Letting him go hurt really bad.  But at least I didn't have a physical addiction to him along with it.

    6. cpvr profile image60
      cpvrposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Just tell them that you're not ready, and you're not comfortable.
      If they don't understand, then you shouldn't be together.

    7. ptosis profile image82
      ptosisposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      My standard reply if already having vanilla sex and he wants anal sex - I always say OK! You FIRST!
      That shuts him up on that topic.

  2. Mikel G Roberts profile image81
    Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years ago

    The 'Your Partner' part of this question is throwing us I think.

    Dating and deciding when to have sex is one thing.

    Being someones 'Partner' shows your already in a relationship...

    that makes a big difference to me.

    1. laswi profile image60
      laswiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Yes. It may be your wife or husband, girl or boyfriend or someone else.

  3. profile image0
    Ghost32posted 7 years ago

    Sex?  What's that?  lol

    There's a serious bit behind the levity:  My wife and I are by nature highly sexual critters, but her disabilities have progressed to a point where physical intimacy could turn out to be deadly.  Needless to say, that's the end of that parade!

    No, not the marriage.  The sex.

  4. beauTnBrains profile image58
    beauTnBrainsposted 6 years ago

    Just come straight out and say it especially if you really want a relationship with that person you need to let them know that your not ready and why. If they understand your reasons and actually want to see where things go they will respect that and if they don't they will go running but thats not the kinda parnter you want anyway. Honesty is the best policy it will save the you headache/ heartbreak down the road.

  5. hubber-2009 profile image56
    hubber-2009posted 6 years ago

    Just tell your spouse that you are busy in publishing something in Hubpages..

    1. twobmad profile image80
      twobmadposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      hahha I am laughing... seems that you are the one that is not redy yet... hmmm poor.. get some more energy drinks first lols

  6. Loveslove profile image60
    Lovesloveposted 6 years ago

    I DO NOT WANT SEX..how hard is that ?

    1. twobmad profile image80
      twobmadposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      you dont wnt sex? then just make love

  7. fucsia profile image60
    fucsiaposted 6 years ago

    The better thing is always be sincere.  Explain to your partner your difficulty and why.Being yourself is the simplest and fairest thing to do with someone you love

  8. Rastamermaid profile image75
    Rastamermaidposted 6 years ago

    I'm sure this has happened to everyone atleast once in their life.
    Had a past acquaintance this happened with.
    Told him I wasn't ready to be intimate with him,he stayed that we're both grown adults and this was the next step for us.
    Told him yes we are grown adults and I'm grown enough to tell you I'm not ready for that with you.
    Needless to say I looked at him differently after that and afew months later I dropped him,yes without every being intimate with him.

    I feel if a man can't wait til you're ready,that's not the man for you.

    It should be mutual for both parties when it does take place,not because you feel pressured or obligated.

    1. profile image48
      tanyaleeSposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you.  I'm in this predicament now.  I told him no that I wasn't comfortable having sex yet and he acted like because we are an older couple--me, 50 and him, 67--that it's the most natural thing in the world to want to have sex with a person I hardly know.

  9. Flightkeeper profile image73
    Flightkeeperposted 6 years ago

    If he wants to have sex and you're not ready, just pick your nose in front of him.  He'll be so not in the mood.

    1. SomewayOuttaHere profile image59
      SomewayOuttaHereposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      lol  lol

    2. stop think write profile image56
      stop think writeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      haha that's one way around the situation... big_smile

  10. profile image52
    dianasexspertposted 6 years ago

    Honestly, if your not ready to sleep with the person, its probably do to emotional reasons, hopefully not physical or sexual (if its is physical or sexual) you will probably never want to sleep with them.  Now if its for emotional reasons, i don't know how long you've been with them.  But its a common belief that in order for sex to have meaning between two people there needs to be a relationships forming which may take a month for one person, or 3, or 6, or a year for others.  Now if your partner does not understand that you want to wait because you want your emotions to catch up to your libido, than they are probably not the right partner for you.  I would be open and honest, and explain why.

    1. Christy Goff profile image59
      Christy Goffposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not ready.........That simple.

  11. Cagsil profile image61
    Cagsilposted 6 years ago

    How to tell your partner that you are not ready to have sex?

    Fairly simple, tell them it will happen when you are ready. If they don't like, too bad.

  12. Pearldiver profile image80
    Pearldiverposted 6 years ago

    The thought of Genital Warts does Nothing for libido - But.... if that doesn't work then Use a Mouse Trap sparingly smile

    1. stop think write profile image56
      stop think writeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      i like the mouse trap idea....although this could prevent any form of intimacy in the future at all!! ....not so good...

  13. dondad900 profile image57
    dondad900posted 6 years ago

    are you mad ? why u laughing ?

  14. Rajab Nsubuga profile image60
    Rajab Nsubugaposted 6 years ago

    I would call 911 seeking for the pimp's help.

  15. dianne143 profile image38
    dianne143posted 6 years ago

    just let your partner understand the situation. making love is the best when you and your partner wants it. smile

    1. profile image0
      andycoolposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Very simple... just tell them you're in no mood right now to have sex. Satisfying sex needs that spicy mood of both the partners. But I know a lot of people who just don't care! They want sex from their partners as a demand and if you can't supply the situation gets horrible! What will you do then?

  16. chuahdarywaheed profile image59
    chuahdarywaheedposted 4 years ago

    Partner means, you both person agree on the things which are most common between you and other. So, there is nothing difficult to avoid the thing which you seems not to be interested. It could be difficult for those who gather for some another reasons to each other. Simple . . .

  17. ocbill profile image61
    ocbillposted 4 years ago

    I agree with tantrum. there is a compatibility issue, uncertainty (unsure of feelings) , still have personal issues to resolve possibly from a traumatic experience.