Why a Woman would Defend a man who Knocked her Out?

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   Stacie Lposted 10 years ago

   Ray Rice's wife posted a response on her Instagram account Tuesday regarding her husband's release from the Baltimore Ravens and the NFL's indefinite suspension when a video surfaced showing the former All-Pro running back hitting her in a hotel elevator.
   
   "I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I'm mourning the death of my closest friend," Janay Rice wrote. "But to have to accept the fact that it's reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific.
   http://www.foxsports.com/nfl/story/ray- … ram-090914
   
   I'm wondering what the motives of a woman who would be to defend a man that would go so far as to beat her and knock her out in public? I also wonder what goes on behind closed doors. Is she a product of abusive parenting and this feels normal to her?
   I hope she may wake up one day and realize that she is not loved by being someone's punching bag.
   Anyone else have some thoughts?

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      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      There are women who rationalize abuse because they possess a poor sense of self.  In their mind's eye, this man had an "off" moment and/or a "bad" day but "nevertheless he is a 'good' man".  They are of the school that they must have a man and that the worst thing is to be without him so they will tolerate any type of abuse.   Then there are women who MUST be in a relationship even though it is abusive because they are FEARFUL of being A-L-O-N-E; for them, being alone is the kiss of death and the very worst state for a woman to be in.  To them, any man even though he is abusive, is better than no man at all.
      
      There are women who have been strongly inculcated in the premise that as women, they are second class and therefore, inferior to men.  They feel that men are superior and more significant than they are.  They also feel powerless and quite insignificant in their own persona.  Since they feel as if they are personae non gratae, they do not demand respect in their relationships.  They have a psychology of undeservingness.  They feel unworthy and what they think about, they eventually become and believe that whatever treatment they receive, they deserve it in one way or another!

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I suspect the loss of money and endorsements played a huge part in saying what she did just as her (choosing) to marry him (after the incident) took place! Now she's married to an unemployed world famous abuser. The financial prospects for their family looks very dim.
      
      Yesterday  I had the opportunity to watch the whole video (prior to them getting into the elevator).
      In the upper right hand corner. He is standing there and apparently said something she did not like.
      As she walks by him she (backhands)/slaps his face!
      
      After they get into the elevator he pushes her head against the wall and then she charges at him.
      That's when he knocks her out. Clearly it appears that this was not the first time they had exchanged blows in their relationship.
      
      Not only did she initiate things with the slap but she was ready to mix it up with him after he pushed her head. I never understood the logic of hitting someone twice your size.
      And I have to wonder if this incident would have taken place if she hadn't slapped him to begin with.
      In no way am I justifying what he did but I'm not going to give her a "free pass" either.
      No one should be hitting anyone in the first place!
      
      Generally what happens when someone gets hit is they instinctively retaliate disproportionately by hitting the person back harder than they were hit to discourage them from hitting them again.

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         deecoleworldposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I agree!!!

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      deecoleworldposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      To be honest I don't think she's a victim. I know I sound cold-hearted (I feel I am far from that) but they both hit each other.... he as a man (who's physically stronger) just hit her harder. They both hit each other physically (so technically they both can be considered a victim).
      
      I think she stayed because she thought of him as an ATM that will help her get the life she always dreamt of. I feel in long term she will leave him for someone else when he becomes broke. I am not denying that they love each other but that is not a healthy relationship. They seem like a volatile hot-headed pair with their own demons to deal with. I think they are both products of bad environments, unstable and volatile childhoods/upbringings. I bet she feels like an idiot now marrying someone who will probably go broke (remember this happen months ago).
      
      For domestic violence victims that don't provoke fights (aka hit the ones they love) and get attack unmercifully. I guess a whole bunch of reasons such as love, finances (aka no money), lack of support, lack of self esteem/ confidence, children, etc.
      
      Anyway I hope they BOTH work on their issues!!!!

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      bethperryposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I watched the video footage of the elevator incident this evening and what I saw was this: the two of them entered the elevator. Ray Rice smacked her in the face. Angered, Janay approached him. Before she had a chance to even touch him, he PUNCHED her. She fell unconscious. He dragged her off the elevator.
      
      In no way do I blame this woman for what HE did to her.
      
      Why is she defending him and why is she still with him?
      
      To arrive at my conclusion I had to consider the following: The incident occurred before they were married. She didn't have to marry him. No one forced her to marry him. He didn't have to drag her to the minister or zap her with a cattle prod to get her to say, "I do!" She was not born brain-dead. Blaming her choice on her parents or some lack of self-esteem just doesn't cut it for me. Even if she had been abused growing up, even if she has no self-esteem whatsoever, human beings are born with a sense of self-preservation. She has chosen not to use that sense of self-preservation, and instead is lashing out at a public that is sickened by the bully she now calls husband.
      
      So, my view on this? Janay had been a victim, one that could have realized her "man" was a bullying tool and dumped his useless butt before they exchanged vows. But since she opted not to do this, I have no alternative but to think this is either one extremely stupid woman or her life ambition is to become the next Nicole Brown Simpson.

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         deecoleworldposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         @bethperry: Remember the whole Chris Brown and Rihanna domestic violence situation when he beat her up. They both came from broken homes where their mothers were abused/beat up by their spouses/relationship partners. They grew up around this behavior and saw this as normal. Perhaps this is what the Rices grew up around. Bad/unhealthy upbringing and low-self esteem is a very legitimate reason for a women to stay in an unhealthy relationship. It doesn't make it right, and it isn't logical but its an legitimate reason.
         
         Besides she has a daughter with him, so I guess that can be another reason why she stayed with him.... plus maybe she doesn't see this as unhealthy behavior and unhealthy actions. Maybe her ideas of what's acceptable and healthy in a relationships differs from yours and mine. You may not want to believe this but they are both at fault. She isn't a poor defenseless victim, and he isn't a complete monster the media and people make him out to be.
         
         Clearly self- preservation isn't as important to her. Maybe she didn't see it as seriously as the media and public . Maybe she didn't think she was in direct and serious danger. Maybe she has high tolerance for this kind of behavior. By the way I think its disrespectful to put her in the same category as domestic violence victims.
         
         Also instead of calling or suggesting that she's stupid, maybe you can look at an alternative point of view. Everyone is different with different values and point of views. This is very complex situation and we don't know the full story!
         
         I would end with this quote, “A strong man cannot help a weaker unless the weaker is willing to be helped, and even then the weak man must become strong of himself; he must, by his own efforts, develop the strength which he admires in another. None but himself can alter his condition.” ― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

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   jjackson786posted 10 years ago

   To be honest, I don't believe that we're getting the whole picture here. I am more than a little perturbed by her behavior even before the pair of them got on the elevator. She slapped him in the face as she was walking by him, which started the physical confrontation. In my honest opinion, I believe that this was a normal interaction for them that was taken to the extreme by Ray Rice. I am not implying that this type of behavior is "normal" in mainstream society; however, some couples do have more volatile and dysfunctional relationships than others. I also do not perceive her to be a victim; in fact, her decision to publicly defend his actions suggests to me that this was routine and they're both ashamed that there just happened to be a camera in there, watching them. This would be a perfect opportunity for her to distance herself from him, should she be in fear for her life. Again, just my opinion, but all of my years studying the psychology of family and relationships tells me that something isn't right here, and that she isn't as thrilled to be playing the victim as we are to be making her one.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed (she slapped him) BEFORE this whole thing escalated.
      
      The media seems to ignore that part!
      
      Two wrongs don't make a right but neither does (one) wrong! We're quick to say; "A man should never hit a woman." but I think we should also be saying; "A woman should never hit a man either!"
      
      Where I grew up not many men will stand around and let a woman slap them in the face. In fact it was my mother who taught us;
      "If someone hits you, hit them back." She didn't use an asterisk or make any exceptions based upon gender either.
      
      If someone hits you its instinctive to want to retaliate. Clearly she was not afraid to charge him in the elevator. It doesn't justify him knocking her out. However anger and adrenaline are a bad combination.
      
      Thank God he was not some old white guy with a gun in Florida.
      He could have claimed he was scared for his life and used the "Stand Your Ground" defense.
      
      Domestic abuse is a serious matter but after seeing the whole tape I have to wonder if they (both) are into using violence to resolve conflicts. No sane person would haul off and slap someone twice their size.

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         deecoleworldposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I agree!!! dashingscorpio

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      Dr Billy Kiddposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That is indeed an interesting take that Price's wife is not playing the role of a victim. I got me to think about: people who fight as a part of their relationship. Some people really do! And it makes me wonder about the idea spread by Fox & Friends that the only problem was the fight was recorded on camera. I thought that was crazy at first. But that seems to be the Price family regret.
      
      Financially? Ray will be playing again after a year or two of cooling off. At least, that's how it usually works.

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   jjackson786posted 10 years ago

   In addition to this (sorry, I'm hogging your post!), I am a little upset that her behavior hasn't been called on to the carpet. Since when does domestic violence only happen to females? Yes, what Ray Rice did was horrific and he shouldn't have done it. But she put her hands on him first. This was the catalyst to the confrontation that ensued. We need to examine these two people as individuals as opposed to permitting them to "support" one another. Why did Janay Rice feel that it was appropriate to put her hands on her husband in an aggressive manner? Why did Ray Rice feel that it was okay to respond to his wife's aggression with even more severe aggression? These two seem to be playing the contrite couple, but only because their livelihood is at stake.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm now curious as to how many domestic violence reports are the result of (women initiating) the violence. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to hitting. If she had kicked him the groin and knocked him out with a punch to the jaw, the media response would be completely different even though she initiated the fight!
      
      There would be jokes told on late night talk shows for weeks!
      When a woman hits a man it's a "comedy" and when a man hits a woman it's a "tragedy". (ie) Lorena Bobbitt.
      
      No one should be initiating violence period. If you do hit someone (expect) to be hit back! That's how I was raised.

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   jjackson786posted 10 years ago

   I would have to agree with dashingscorpio. In light of this event, we seem to have forgotten that men too can be victims of domestic violence. We also seem to have completely overlooked the reality that his wife initiated the incident, at least from what we could tell from the video.

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   Uninvited Writerposted 10 years ago

   Are some of you saying that a slap on the cheek is comparable to knocking someone out?
   
   Who know why she send that instagram message, maybe she didn't. Maybe she is so controlled she thought she had no other choice.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Uninvited Writer; No, I'm not (comparing) who hit the hardest.
      I'm wondering if this incident would have ever taken place if she had not hit him first! No one should be hitting anyone.
      
      However if you do hit someone it's unrealistic not to expect them to hit you back. And you have no say in how hard they will hit back.
      
      As for the Instagram I believe she did send it.
      They have been a "couple" since their high school days. That's almost a decade long relationship.
      His losing his high paying career dramatically affects (their) household.

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   Sed-meposted 10 years ago

   Where will her money come from if he has no income?

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   ljsmarketingposted 10 years ago

   I totally believe this woman is delusional or brainwashed! This man/ football player or not is a monster!

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   gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

   Although my initial statement stands, I saw that she did hit him first.  Well, he only retaliated but that is still no excuse.  They either have to work out their particular problem or just......SEPARATE from each other!  Some people just weren't meant to be together!

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      jjackson786posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree wholeheartedly. I feel like the fact that they've been together since high school isn't working in their favor either, as their relationship has a very juvenile feel to it. Sometimes, it's just best to grow up and move on!

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         dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Very true! The fact that they were high school sweethearts does show they never moved on to have a mature relationship. Unfortunately for them they'll be forever connected as they also have a daughter together whom they named (Raven) after the Baltimore Ravens football team.
         
         A lot of people have a difficult time walking away from their "first love". And with all the media attention they're getting right now they probably feel (more bonded) together. In the world's eyes he is a "monster" and she is a "fool" for staying with him. They're both hotheaded people.
         
         Some couples view mutual violence towards one another as "passion".
         As a child I lived near a couple who were always screaming and fighting.
         By the time the police arrived they were "lovie-dovie".
         The man walked with a limp. Rumor was during one of their fights the wife shot him in the leg.
         I suspect there are other couples who fight like cats and dogs but will swear it's because they're (madly in love) or "too much alike". Either way they feel like they "get each other" and will never part until one dies.

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            gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Well, some couples can be described as quite dysfunctional.  I would deem it the Who is Afraid of Virginia Woolf syndrome.  There are couples who only can be happy while contention is in the air and the more and intense level of contention and/or angst, the happier they are.  In a sense, they have a degree of sado-masochism in their relationship.  Do I feel yet another hub coming on?

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               dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               gmwilliams, I'll leave the hub up to you!
               I'm going to leave it with the question I posted earlier today:
               "Is a woman ever within her rights to slap a man?"
               (Assuming he said something insulting, derogatory, or she caught him lying about cheating.)
               
               If I ever had a daughter I would NOT advise her to (initiate) any physical violence towards men. You never know how someone will respond to being hit. (Especially in the face.)

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                  PhoenixVposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  Here is the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wsd8LtTTnAI
                  
                  At .08 to .09 seconds into the video Ray appears to initiate the altercation with "simple assault" by spitting in his fiances face, who looks to be walking in an angled way trying to avoid him. After he assaulted her by spitting on her, she imo "less than proportionally" responds, as anyone would, by barely tapping him backhanded with arm completely outreached. In the elevator, @ .24 it looks to me he may have spat on her again as she is pushing the button. She begins to respond and he slaps her and then he knocks her completely out. He needs to be put in jail.
                  
                  Edit:
                  
                  Later as he drags her unconscious body out of the elevator and arranges her body with his feet, he seems to lack any kind of humanity whatsoever.

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                     dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     Thanks for this clear link. I never saw him spit on her.
                     However I suspect if (she) had spit on him and (he backhanded) her in the face...etc. We'd all still be saying (he) was in the wrong!
                     
                     The more that comes out about this couple the more obvious it becomes (they) are one sick twisted couple. No healthy person would want to marry a person after having an altercation like that.
                     I suspect it was not their (first) or their last battle with each other.
                     They've been fighting like this since their high school days together.

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                        PhoenixVposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                        I cannot speculate on various scenarios that did not happen in the video. For me its all about proportionality and I believe that is the way the law looks at it. For instance if an elderly lady kicked me in the shin, I cannot respond by dashing her head in, with a lead pipe. Likewise professional pro football players cannot punch a women so hard that the punch causes more injury by hitting her head against the wall of the elevator, knocking he completely out for some time. I am a man, no women has ever slapped me so hard I could not take it, much less an extended slight backhand, especially so well deserved from the spitting.

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                           Sed-meposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                           +1

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                           dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                           Apparently the word "cannot" isn't the correct word because it did happen! Should not is more like it however as I noted people naturally tend to retaliate (disproportionately) to being hit, kicked, or spit on.
                           The bottom line is they've been together since high school, have a daughter together, and she (chose) to marry him after the incident took place! This says to me they (both) have problems!

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                              Sed-meposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                              You'd be hard pressed to find a person who doesn't come with baggage. We all have problems. Bottom line is, most men have strength their counterparts do not. One little swing of his arm knocked her out. He seemed completely unmoved by her body crumpling to the floor. He showed no sign of worry for the mother of his children as he dragged her unconscious body around the elevator floor like a slab of meat.

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                        gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                        Sado-masochism to the ultimate degree.  This couple is beyond dysfunctional. Couple from the ninth circle of hell would be a more apt description!

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   jjackson786posted 10 years ago

   This discussion has actually been more mature and introspective than any other I have seen on this topic. Well done, fellow hubbers!

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    word55posted 10 years ago

    Maybe because she started it. I didn't see it but I heard she slapped him first. I don't agree with what he did but she went after him after he shoved her by the head in retaliation and perhaps, his instinct kicked in... She doesn't want to leave him after the brawl. That's all there is to it. He's going to always have big money and she still wants a piece of it plus, she must love him. That's not easy to walk away from. They'll probably love each other better now.

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    word55posted 10 years ago

    She apparently slapped him before stepping into the elevator. However, she licked him first. Then he apparently shoved her head and hell broke loose after that. Let's get the facts in order please.

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    Stacie Lposted 10 years ago

    She apparently slapped him before stepping into the elevator. However, she licked him first. Then he apparently shoved her head and hell broke loose after that. Let's get the facts in order please.
    
    That's what the video recorded...we do not know what transpired out of range of the camera.
    Something probably happened in the room beforehand...

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       dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." - Oscar Wilde
       
       Clearly if someone is spitting on you, slapping you, pushing you, or knocking you out they don't think you're all that special!
       All of this took place (before) the marriage!
       
       There is nothing about either one of them that screams;
       "This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with!"

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    Sed-meposted 10 years ago

    https://www.facebook.com/dosomething/ph … mp;theater

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