What do you think of a man who says, "I would hit a woman...
...if she provoked me or slapped me." or..."I was raised to hit back and nobody said not to hit women." I recently heard someone say this. Are they 'in the right' or are they cowardly? Are not men generally (physically) stronger than women. Does that matter?
I'd think the same as I do of a woman who slaps/hits others - violence solves ABSOLUTELY nothing (except frozen computer screens....a good whack to the screen is usually just want it needs...and if it doesn't work...you needed to do it anyway!)
I don't think that anyone should be hitting anyone else.
I think that a man who needs to lord his 'power' over a woman, or anyone, by hitting them is a coward, and a low life.
I think that a woman who needs to lord their 'power' over a man, or anyone, by hitting them is a coward and a low life.
However, if someone is hit, they do have the right to defend themselves....BUT do they need to? Or do they just need to block/restrain the person (if possible) until they stop?
I agree. It's not less wrong for a woman to hit a man.
No one should be (initiating violence) in the first place!
Adults should not be acting like kids on the playground. If a woman/man feels the urge to initiate violence (they) should walk away!
I dont see why people continue to assume that if a man retaliated against a woman who has hit him, that it has to be with overwhelming force and that it's automatically wrong.
It all depends on what led to her slapping him to begin with. If it was for something dumb and inconsequential, then there is no need to retaliate. If it was for a legitimate reason, again there is no need. Now if it was completely unwarranted, then yes expect retaliation.
I couldn't care less what gender someone is who puts their hands on me for absolutely no reason, I can and will retaliate however I see fit.
There is never a "legitimate reason" for someone to slap another person unless they were slapped themselves. No one would say a (man who was insulted by a woman) had a "legitimate reason" to slap her. Equal rights is about ending double standards
I agree with dashingscorpio. There is never a reason to hit someone. It does not matter what gender you are or how "unwarranted" the other persons actions are. It is NEVER ok to hit someone. NEVER.
My take on it is (Nobody should be hitting anyone period). However if someone hits you then you have a right to hit them back.
I don't think women should get a "Free Pass" to go around slapping and hitting men simply because of their gender.
Our society tends to crack jokes when there is violence against men. If a woman hits a man it's a comedy and if a man hits a woman it's a tragedy. There should be no double standards.
If I had a daughter I would tell her not to be (picking fights) with men. Logically it makes no sense to whack a bear across the face. The size of the woman has less to do with it than the pain threshold of the individual being hit. A (man) is still a human being.
(By the way not all women are smaller than their men).
Anyone who believes they have the "right" to slap you, spit on you, push your head into a wall, or hit you with an object and (believes) you are not going to want to "instinctively retaliate" has lost their mind!
An old adage: "Treat people the way you want to be treated."
My mother taught me and my brothers if someone hits you, hit them back. She didn't provide an *asterisk* regarding gender or age. I've told every woman I've ever dated; I'll never hit you unless you hit me.
Someone once asked me if a child slapped me across the face if I would hit back. I explained it this way: "If I had ever (hit my mother) in the face I wouldn't be here writing this! The next words I would have heard would have been "CLEAR!" as the medical staff used the defibrillator paddles to revive me.
Anyone who hits someone is asking for trouble.
Neither gender should ever (initiate) violence. One man's opinion!
You said..."I've told every woman I've ever dated; I'll never hit you unless you hit me."
Are you serious? And they were OK with that? That's sad.
Yes, I've always been upfront with women I dated. None of them "tested me" either. I can't think of a legitimate reason to hit anyone unless they (hit you) first. If a woman has the urge to slap a man (she) should walk away!
A male roommate I had said he wouldn't associate with a woman who hit him in the first place. The first time it happened, he wouldn't hit back, but he'd immediately refuse to have anything else to do with her.
There isn't necessarily anything wrong with having a special prohibition against hitting someone weaker than you, which for most men will include the average woman, as well as kids, old people, etc.
But really, we should just have a policy of not hitting people. Outside of clear self-defense, there is no need for it.
I don't really know what to say about someone who will hit anyone who hits them. I've never known someone like that, nor would I have anything to do with someone like that.
As or relative strengths, it used to be true that the average man was generally a match for even an above average woman. When I was a kid, we used to say, "you throw like a girl," which back then actually meant something, because truthfully, many girls just couldn't throw. That wasn't, of course, due to any lack of capacity, but just a lack of opportunity and practice.
This isn't true anymore. After decades of increased access to sports, there are girls and women out there who are physically very capable. I go to the gym three days a week and there are a number of females there who can outlift, outrun, outmove me (in some cases by quite a bit) and, I am fairly certain, if they wanted to, could beat the crap out of me.
Girls aren't socialized to violence the way boys are, so the cases of men being in a legitimate scenario of self-defense against a woman are pretty rare, but the capacity definitely does now exist.
And when it comes to self-defense, any threat must be met the same as any other. Regardless of what is between their legs, kick it as hard as you can, then gouge out their eyes.
Well stated, junkseller. But just so we're clear, the gouging out of the eyes thing is not appropriate unless you are dealing with a serious threat. Generally speaking, the average woman is not a physical threat unless she's a gang member or such.
My definition of a self-defense situation is that it is inescapable and poses a severe threat of harm. In that extreme situation, I'll bring everything I've got. Anything else, I'll walk away from.
Most of you say, "no one should ever hit anyone ever....BUT". come, come boys and girls, let's stop dancing with moral abstractions that we immediately qualify with a BUT. Let's just get to it. The verb "should" signals the graveyard of real action. "We should have...sent a present, been better parents, given at the office"..... "I should have. . . treated him better, learned bridge, taken her to Paris."...... "I should not have slapped her." Every honest person reading this Hub has hit someone--or can envisage circumstances that would virtually REQUIRE them to hit someone--at some point in their lives. Someone is beating your infant child, a sneering bully persists in heaping abuse on a handicapped friend and will NOT respond to words, a woman is beating your wife--what's YOUR trigger? Arguing from extremes is glib, of course, but arguing from principles alone is academic in the worst sense of the word . So there is no "answer" to this question (Savvy LOVES those kinds of questions!); there is only your sense of Right responding to given circumstances.
Hi Moonfroth, What questions do I love? Well, anyway....my point is that some "triggers" need to be addressed, but that point seems to have gotten lost here over "principles," as you mentioned in that poetic way you have of making observations.
Most people have hit someone especially during their childhood years but hopefully with age comes wisdom. I have not had a fight since I was a child because no one has hit me. People are better off assuming if they hit someone they'll be hit back!
That's quite a qualifier, dashing, I can't say I believe the word "wisdom" and "I would hit a woman if," belong in the same sentence, unless she poses an imminent threat to your life, rather than your pride. And no, I do not condone women hitting.
savvydating, the "qualifier" and "wisdom" I speak of is regarding hitting to resolve problems. It has nothing to do with "gender". Hopefully as we mature we realize it's not the best way to handle our frustrations whether you're a woman or a man.
I would assume that Dashing is not limiting that qualifier strictly to women but to all, has nothing to do with pride. I can't imagine you would feel 0 need to retaliate against a man who randomly slaps you Savvy.
Link, women who have been hit by a man don't usually hit back. They know they'll get the crap beaten out of them. If they have any sense of self-worth, they'll walk away---forever.
There is a difference between hitting and abuse. I was under the impression this question was inspired by the former, not the latter. Not that I disagree with that last part.
The question was inspired by slapping. I am an advocate for women because I understand how unsafe women feel. I am also disturbed that soneone who gives advice to women would use lofty language to condone retaliation. That is highly disturbing.
I condone your inaction if a man/woman decides to slap you in the future for no discernible reason. I am sure it does not send the message that you are a door mat or anything.
Were you actually interested in answers to this question at all?
savvydating, I don't believe in "double standards" period. The only advice I'm giving is (neither gender) should (initiate) violence. If a woman feels the urge to slap a man then she needs to walk away! That's not being lofty in my opinion
The Bible calls women the weaker vessel and states that a woman should not usurp authority over the man. So if she raises her hand to hit a man much stronger than she is she should first think about the consequences and chose not to hit him. A man that raises his hand to hit a woman should expect to see a police officer and maybe even the inside of a jail cell. Think about this: If a person robs a bank and raises his gun(hand) to the cops outside what is going to happen? We need to teach common sense. So to answer the question I would think less of a woman who says she would hit a man than a man who says he would hit a woman.
I see. Perhaps you have found two friends in Link and Dashing who are also fine with hitting women.
Savvy, you seem to enjoy taking things out of context. Has nothing to do with it being a woman, if ANYONE raises their hand against me without a legitimate cause, I will retaliate as I deem necessary. Women do not get special privileges for that.
Link, what would be a legitimate cause, beyond imminent death, to hit a woman who does not have a man's body strength---even if she is fit? What is so threatening to a man that he can't just walk away? Women don't go around "randomly" slapping men.
So you've never known a woman to hit a man simply because she was too emotional? You are either a paragon of all women or are incredibly ignorant.
Self worth means nothing if you let people walk over you due to fear of what may happen.
Link.. have you ever thought that you may be the ignorant one? Maybe this is why you call others ignorant constantly. Maybe a defense mechanism?
savvydating, You seem to only see one part of what I said. I'm fine with (retaliating against anyone) who hits me FIRST! My stance is women do not have a right to (initiate violence) against men and expect a FREE PASS!
Nothing defensive about it JT. I dont randomly call people ignorant unless they show they lack understanding of something really basic but still feel they are 100% right.
Also, I never claimed I wasn't ignorant, plenty of crap I don't know.
Why do I feel like you ignored everything but the last sentence just to agree...
Your ego never seems to amaze me. You are saying a girl hits you gives you the right to hit her back? What if a man twice your size knocked you out? What would you do then? Would you give him "special" privileges?
It is worse not to do anything out of fear rather than doing something and knowing you will not succeed. You do nothing and it sends the message its okay to hit you.
So, you would hit a woman just to prove a point? I agree one must defend themselves, but this does not mean being a pansy going around hitting on women. Have you "EVER" been in an altercation at all link? I seriously doubt it.
I feel like you have extreme trouble reading JT. I also feel like you missed my initial answer to this thread, where I said it entirely depends on the situation.
I would suggest scrolling up a bit before attempting to demonize me.
I have read the whole thread. Maybe it is you who has a hard time articulating what you really want to say but it just comes out as very condescending behavior. Look at the way you talked to a woman calling her "ignorant." SMH
My initial answer was pretty clear to anyone who graduated high school.
And I guess you missed the part where she cherry picked what I said and blatantly stated that I find it okay to hit women. But I digress...
And again we must be condescending? What is going on with you that you cannot have a normal debate without being so defensive. I think it goes way deeper than you even know.
I was simply stating a fact, If it comes off as condescending, oh well. To make things simple, my stance is the same as Dashing's about 10 comments up.
And JT... ever hear the phrase the pot calling the kettle black?
Seriously, you need to really think about my previous comment. Good day.
It's difficult to take any of what you say seriously anymore JT. But good day as well.
Due to fear of what might happen, Link? As for Dashing, he has no business couseling women. JThomp,, I appreciate your standing up for me.. You suffered, yet you remained a a gentleman in your marriage. Some men fear women, but you respect them.
Dashing's logic for a man to retaliate against a woman can, and I think Dashing even stated this as well, be reversed for a woman to retaliate against a man.
Yet you seem fine in letting a woman be a door mat. Kudos, fantastic lesson.
The problem with your conclusion is: I do not accept Dashing's indecent logic. You assumption about me is false. More significantly, I am very sorry, Link, that you defend the idea of hitting women for any slight provocation. That is not Ok.
I agree that it isnt okay, except that physically assaulting someone for no discernible reason is the furthest thing from a "slight provocation".
I am sorry you see bodily harm as insufficient to retaliate against someone. Door mats rejoice.
savvydating, My actual conclusion is not so much about defending men who hit women back as it is (advising women NOT to hit men) in the first place! Why can't we agree that women should (never initiate violence) towards men? That's what I advise.
Probably because she has no interest in actually reading what you say dashing, otherwise the point you stated several times by now would have gotten through.
Like you have pointed out, men are usually stronger than their female partners. I have been in a situation where I was slapped repeatedly by my female partner. I hugged her so she could not strike me anymore. Was this wrong?
JThompson, how could that be wrong? Repeated slapping is unacceptable. I'm glad you didn't lower yourself to her standards. Instead, you got out. That was wise.
Thank you---for taking the high road...and for leaving that woman to her own devises. It's her loss.
This is what I mean by restraining until they stop - you aren't wrong in doing this.
I think that's a great response to a bad situation. Good for you, for keeping a cool head.
That is what happens in places that people are out of control, they are restrained until they stop. It used when children are out of control ,you hold them ,hug them, and help them calm down. It is acceptable and non violent .
Hitting, violence, of any kind is the poorest solution to any problem in my estimation. It seems to escalate a problem rather than diffuse it. Sometimes hitting is done with NO provocation..just because the person who is doing it is a bully and can exert force over the weaker individual.
Do I think it is okay to hit a woman? No, but I think it is wrong to hit anyone who is weaker than we are.
In that case, it is cowardly.
although i'm not in favour of hitting anyone... here is an argument which would work for him.
women have/want equality in the world... then this is 'part and parcel' of the equality. he would hit a man just the same way he would hit a woman. a big deal should not be made of it unless it would be a big deal if he hit a man. he is not being gender biased in the world of equality and therefore he is right.
Hitting a woman is just about one of the most cowardly things that a guy can do. Violence is very rarely the answer to any problem. Just walk away!
Would you also advise if a woman (feels the urge to hit a man) SHE should walk away as well? Bullies hit people whom they know will not defend themselves. No one has the right to (initiate violence). There's no upside for women to slap men around.
if a man hits a woman, he is just a big vagina. saying she provoked me or hit me first is such a load of BS. big deal if she hit first. dont be such a pussy. take it like a man and restrain her or walk away if possible. if she provokes you, dont be such a child. even a man couldn’t provoke me with their words to make me hit them. thats how children settle disputes. grow up, be a man, and stop using violence to settle things.
Thank you! I had hoped a man would come in here and not mince words. I feel the same way---making excuses is a bunch of drivel, couched in terms of "equal rights." Please. As my son said, equal rights does not mean equal strength.
" big deal if she hit first. dont be such a pussy. take it like a man" LOL! Anyone who hits you is acting like a child! That's my point. No one should be hitting anyone! It's wise for women not to initiate violence against men and vice versa.
Dashing, you have quite the talent. I went ahead and counted and thats around the 10th time on this thread alone that you have repeated that viewpoint.
It would be a shock how anyone could mistake your stance on this...
I certainly do not think much of any man who states they would hit a woman. There is absolutely no reason to hit a woman.
I don't think much of the man if he would hit a woman. First, I don't think it's right to hit period. That's why we have a mouth to open and discuss our problems. If you want to hit some one get up and take a walk. The trouble with today no one wants to be responsible for their actions. I'm glad I missed all this stupidity.
Men are not supposed to hit women because men are generally stronger than women. Women think it is okay to hit men because men are physically stronger so they should be able to take it. What about the parents that spank their young children? Children are weaker. Is it okay for children to hit their parents because parents are stronger than young children?
If they were being honest, lots of women would say they would hit a man if the man provoked her or slapped. It would be wrong but not cowardly for a man to hit back. If a man said he would hit a woman if she provoked him enough or slapped him then I would think he should work on controlling his emotions. Two wrongs don't make a right. However if he said he might then I would think he was being realistic.
When you bring a person to their breaking point by provoking them with words or hitting them you should not expect that person to do the right thing. Angry people don't think things through.
Women should not think it is okay to hit men.
Hitting is never ok. If this is going on we have ways to handle this. If a woman hits a man, then the police should be called. He should not hit her back, then guess what hell go to jail most likely. Anger management is in order for the hitter as well.
Hi, savvydating! How's it going?
This man you refer to sounds mighty vehement about his supposed right to hit women in retaliation. One wonders why this is such a special concern for him. Let's take a minute to put all of this into some context.
Sports Fans! I suppose we have all heard about Ray Rice, former running back with the Baltimore Ravens?
I have to say, I was disgusted with his behavior. There was an initial level of revelation: we saw him dragging his wife out of the elevator. Then there was a second: the tape of him delivering a savage left hook to her jaw, which caused her to fall down, hitting her head against the railing on her way to the ground.
If you recall, not only did he do that he had spat on her twice. More and more revelations are coming out with NFL players and their problems controlling their tempers---curiously though, they seem to have the most trouble controlling their tempers around their wives and girlfriends.
Now, clearly something "provoked" Ray Rice, but provocation is surely no justification. Because "provocation" can be anything: Daring to disagree with or contradict him in any way; seeing people HE disapproves of; "flirting" with another man; and so on. "Provocation" covers a lot of territory.
Anyway, let me just say that Mr. Rice was eventually suspended from the National Football League indefinitely.
Anyway, savvydating, one might ask oneself: Why is the gentlemen so obsessed with parity when it comes to the dispensation of violence? What's that about?
When he says that he was "raised to hit back and nobody said not to hit women," that appears to be two statements. One: he was "raised to hit back," meaning that if a man or woman hits him, he's going to strike back. Two: "nobody said not to hit women." The question to ask about statement number two is: Does that mean he was "raised" to believe that its okay to hit women, if they "slap," or, more troublingly, "provoke" him?
Is he saying, therefore, that it is okay for a man to hit a woman if she "provokes" him by pointing out that he has put on weight or something. I have to say, in the case of "provocation," I thought only professional pimps hit women to "keep them in line," and so forth.
At any rate, savvydating, I would sure be interested to hear more about the context in which the man made his remarks.
Take it easy.
It was in context to the Ray Rice incident. This man is with us here on Hubpages. He stated that being "provoked" is justification for hitting a woman. He believes a slap is provocation and who knows what else. Very troubling. Thanks for commenting.
It could mean a lot of things. But without more information, I would assume it ain't good news.
I personally believe that no one should ever hit anyone else. That being said, if someone said they would hit, even if it was only after being provoked, I would run, far far away.
Men have a lot of upper body strength and can do a lot of damage to anyone they hit. However, women who get hit are less likely to hit back. Not only that but once a man hits someone they are more likely to hit them again, especially if it is their significant other. This goes for women too, although they are less often the abusers.
As someone who has, unfortunately, been abused, I can tell you that it messes with your head too. The person who hits you (even if its only once) will convince, or try to convince you, that it is your fault. They will tell you that they would not have done it if you weren't so...fill in the blank. After a while, you will start to believe it because that all you hear and it messes with you. Its called "crazy making" and it really does make you feel like you are going crazy. Luckily I did not endure this for long and I'm over it but I like to warn others so they do not end up in that situation.
If ANYONE (man or woman) tells you they would hit when provoked, or that they were never taught not to hit. That is their way of warning you. They are saying, "Be careful what you do because I will hurt you."
Thank you for sharing your story and your wisdom, Katya. You are so right. If a man feels the need to warn a woman, it is his way of keeping "the little lady" in line and it is definitely "crazy making."
Man! Has this question polarized the troops or what! Rarely see such passionate and REPEAT comments. Many of you need something like this in your 'arguing bag: "Hey! Whoa! Gettin' out of hand. Coffee?''.
This is a serious topic. Any man who claims "equal rights" as an excuse to hit a woman is slime. My special thanks to Katya for speaking up., and forJM for refusing to hit back.
I think I suggested early on that the question is less than clear. The 'idealistic' answer is that people should NOT slap. Then the 'real' world happens--someone slaps you, hard--your cheek is burning. You walk away? To collect your Sainthood?
Unfortunately, some women don't walk away...but I guess you're speaking about men's "rights." . Why do you think he got slapped, moonfroth?. Could she have been thouroughly humiliated? Not all men understand that! Do not bring "sainthood" into this.
It's not right to hit anyone. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. For a man to say he's been raised that way? I would find that frame of thought completely terrifying and slowly move away, completely distance myself from him.
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