How does one give up a mate when they know they are manipulative and bad for them--it's soooo hard
Try prayer first! Prayer changes things! A lot of times, Spouses are manipulative/controlling because they lack self-esteem, or even self-confidence. If they've been hurt in past relationships (whether love, friendship or family), they try to "find their place" in society by means of force or proving themselves worthy of mention per se. it's kinda like this.....have you ever seen two dogs, one that's been around the house for awhile, and the other just arriving? Ever watch the old dog react? They get defensive, don't they? Why? Because they feel threatened! The same works with manipulative people. When they feel threatened or "violated", they will manipulate to fulfill their wants and needs, hoping to satisfy an emptiness that can only be filled by God, and a God-fearing Spouse. Keep in mind, that this works both ways though.
Marriage (or a relationship) works both ways. You've got to give and take, it's all part of God's perfect plan!
Did you know we are the BRIDE OF CHRIST? Hmm....ever wonder what that means? Well...
Christ is the groom, and we are the bride, right? What if Christ gave up on us? I mean, don't we deserve it? After all, how many times have we screwed up? How many times have we manipulated Him? Pretty harsh, huh? It's all in love....
As we strive to be Christ-like, we must walk like He does, and be loving and patient that He is, and be "Christ" to those who seek to despitefully use us. This would be what God expects from us, although it's not easy...just think of how easy it must be for Christ, or is it?
Once you start to realise and acknowledge that a mate is bad for you, it becomes easier to make the decision to move on. Though some people wait until they really and truly feel they have had enough before they make the decision to move forward from the relationship.
Would have to seek support locally from where you live.
Battered womens' shelter can give you advice on how to do it such as, "Plan to leave while he's at work."
This lady has a good "how to" on it
http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4578946_wo … sband.html
To:Shadow of Elisha: You are minimizing her pain and apologizing for the abuser's behavior. I'm pretty sure she has already been praying on this a lot and your answer is unhelpful.
I'm Not married. I meant boyfriend. I have to make this response longer I have to make this response longer.
I have gone through it, and trust me, You need to value yourself, the way God values you. I woke up one day, looked in the mirror and realized I am actually worth something, unlike the way he was training me to think about myself. You need to get up in the morning ans see...you are of deep value and worth contributing to the world by being a hopeful person full of light and joy!! Until you value yourself enough, you will not guard your heart to wait for mr. Right.
Unless there's physical abuse going on I'd suggest calling him out on his manipulative behavior. My boyfriend tends to be manipulative at times and not long after we got together he admitted to me that he has a tendency to get manipulative at times. So now when he acts that way I look at him and say 'You're being manipulative and you know it' and he sticks his tail between his legs and usually it's end of conversation.
Now if there's like a million other red flags going on that tell you this person is not and never will be good for you and isn't willing to change and clean up his act for you, I'd suggest taking some time to sit down and map out the pro's and con's of this relationship and get thorough! Every good and bad detail will help force your decision. Sometimes It's easier to write it all out and for me at least, things tend to come into focus more when they are laid out right in front of me.
I've been there too, and we weren't married either. Leaving an unsatisfactory relationship is not easy and love is not logical.
Try some simple tests:
1) Do you feel "squashed" by your partner ... in any way?
2) Does your partner avoid direct questions by either not answering at all or changing the subject?
3) Does your partner become sullen or outright insolent when you are doing things that don't particularly benefit them?
4) Does your partner always need to be at center stage (sometimes at your expense) when you are out and about together?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, and you are being totally honest with yourself about the give and take in the relationship, you could be dealing with a narcissist. There is no happy ending to be found and the longer you abide their bad behavior, the greater the expense to your self-esteem.
Your self-esteem is much more valuable, from a basic survival point of view, than anything you fear that you will be losing by separating from your mate. You must be able to trust your own judgement at all times and you can't do that effectively if you don't value yourself.
The bottom line is this: Staying in a relationship that you know isn't working is causing you to give up on yourself. You have the power to make things better and ultimately, you must decide to do what is best for you.
Good luck! .
It is all in the mind. You first have to realize how much this relationship is hurting you. Until you realize and except that, it will be really hard for you to let go. I suggest writing down the pros and cons of the relationship. When we just think about it we tend to con our own minds and only think of the good. If we actually sit down and read how bad things are, it will give us more motivation to leave. It is so hard to give up someone that you have been with for a while. We are so scared of change. But the change will be much better for you, and you have to keep telling yourself that.
You may know they are manipulative and bad for you - but do they realise it? Men are not mind readers and can be so insensitive to never realise just what they may be putting you through. There is a classic question which will catch them out every time. Just ask them ( or anybody else who you feel may be trying to manipulate you) "You're not trying to make me feel guilty are you?"
The instant response from anyone with feeling is "of course not" or something similar.If they are so insensitive to reply "yes", then whooosh, get outta there! If you ask this every time they try it, it will achieve 2 things:
1.they realise what they are doing, even if it is subconcious,and may try to change their behaviour
2. you can eventually refer back to however many times you have found it necessary to ask before you leave 'em!
Communication is the key! Good Luck.
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