Why would an abused woman return to an abusive relationship?
I don't get it, I have a friend who's husband gets drunk and beats on her a few times a year. I tell her all the time to divorce him. He's been in jail three times now, but she keeps taking him back, I don't get it, help me understand.
What I think is women who experienced an abusive experience thinks nobody loves her and the only person who will is the same person who is hurting her because usually men who abuse women most often say "nobody will like the way I do", "Nobody needs you and you are lucky to have me" something like that. That's my opinion.
Speaking from experience, that is a question I can't even answer, I went back and forth, I would get abused and leave because well that's what you are supposed to do I knew that. Then I would return can't tell you why, scared I was 19 and had a 1 year old being married and a mother was all I knew how to do. It did click the last time I was abused something went off in my head just kind of clicked, I left for good. I will never understand why I kept going back?
This sounds like the woman is stuck in what is known as, "Battered Women's Syndrome." I had a friend like this and I gave her resources, IE: The Domestic Violence Center closest to her, we also researched the laws in her State. With the knowledge she felt she had power! She did go to a counselor and visited the D.V. Center. They gave her many ideas on how to keep herself safe, and offered a safe place to stay, legal assistance, and career opportunities. All of this happened about one year ago. She lives alone with her toddler daughter, has a good job, and has sought legal assistance. In her words, "I have peace now."
The feelings of someone who is in an abusive relationship is a constant rollercoaster. They are abused for nothing but yet feel guilty for causing it. They are afraid, sad, lonely, and often feel worthless. They find the courage to leave but the courage to trust others again does not come easily. They run back to the abuser because as crazy as this may seem for as much as they feel beaten down they also feel "loved" and "safe". They think if they could please the abuser and do good by them that they will eventually change and life will get better. Unfortunately is usually doesn't. I would be there for your friend when she needs you. Please don't force her to get a divorce because you may make her feel like you are controlling her even though you mean well. I have a friend going through the same thing, I offer my opinion, its out in the open and left there until the time comes that she had enough. I will always be there and she knows that. You can do the same for your friend, give her your opinion, let her know you are there and when the time comes she will know she can count on you to back her up.
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