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What are the danger signs given by a friend who is in an abusive relationship?
There are many signs, some more obvious than others. One of the most obvious are physical signs of abuse which the person tries to cover up. If you ask the person what caused the injuries he or she may become anxious or angry, or give excuses that just don't sound right. A person in an abusive relationship may also become withdrawn from his or her family and friends, take lots of days off work (to hide physical signs of abuse), and become depressed or anxious.
As sasanqua mentioned there are many signs. One key is major changes in their personality. Creating distance between close friends and family members. Showing a lack of interest in things they were known to love doing. Taking on the persona of a child when they are around their mate. Unwilling to disagree with their mate or remaining quiet during discussions about "opinionated subjects". A typical "happy go lucky person" seldom smiles or laughs about anything anymore. Physical signs are a lot easier to spot.
It is hard to tell, people in abusive relationship do not like to tell.
Research prove, the main reason that cause a woman to be in a relationship, is due to unreleastic expectation cause by something professionals refer to as "Response Shaping Process", it is a form of method, of persuading a person to believe in a particular believe when they are yet to have the opportunity to develop an opinion of their own, it is extremely effective amount children. The reason is because when you have lesser understanding, it is easier to persuade you, because you do not have the require knowledge to contradict what you are been persuade to. Communist and Nazi also use these to brainwash children too. Girls in the west, are frequently been taught by their mother a problematic point of view about what true love and true happiness is and what is the necessity of life and because they were children,beliving in that, true love is romance, knight in shinning armor, Cinderella style fairtale romance and that having a man is necessity.
As a result, some woman who do not have a man, would settle for a substandard male, even an abusive one, believing having an abusive man, is better then having no man. Some will go out of their way to find romantic relationship, some of these relationship can be both romantic and abusive in the same time, but the girls choose to stay in this relatioship anyway. To keep a woman with him, the abusive man, will also frequently attack their self esteem, in regards to their physical appearance, low self esteem in their own physical appearance, make them fear not able to get another man, if they leave this relationship, a lot of these attacks are rather vage.
It is difficult to tell if a woman is in an abusive relationship, the first step to help them is get them to understand, it is alright not to have a man. That fairy tale are just stories, they are just fiction, not reality and they need to let go of their believe in regards to fairytale = happiness. Remind them that while in story such as Snow White,say the princess live happily ever after, they never give a justifiable reason why, if Snow white's prince is a funny guy who love her, then it might justfy happily ever after, but if he is a man who lock her in the dungent and whould chop her head off is she don't give him a mle heir, well if that is true happiness then we rather don't want it.
Wow, thanks everyone. I am so glad this hub is here. These are all warning signs of abuse as well as cancelling appointments, breaking dates with friends. Also when you do see your friend, he or she may seem very paranoid or feel the need to call to "check in" often. Most people in abusive relationships are pulled away from close friends and family members by their abuser. This is one mechanism of control. Abuse is about power. Unfortunately, these things can even stick around years later. Mentally, I wanted to "check in" with my current husband and walked on eggshells for years before we discussed this and I am now glad to say that with help, I know that he REALLY loves and cares for me and these behaviors were learned through four years of control with my abuser.
If you're out with this friend, and suggest you go do something, he/she will become anxious and pre-face his/her decline with mention of the abusing boyfriend/girlfriend. Because they fear their supposed loved-one, every action they take starts with wondering whether or not it will anger that loved-one. Hence, an abused person will often say something like, "So-and-so doesn't want me doing that."
I'll try to enumerate as much as I know:
1. Distancing from friends, even cancelling on agreed date with friends up to the last minute.
2. Always checking her mobile phone for a message with an anxious look on her face.
3. Facial grimace when grabbed by the arm. (Either unconsciously she knows what's next or she have some bruises on those arms you accidentally grab hold of)
4. Too much make up; attempting to cover a bruise or wound that she allegedly gained from falling down the stairs.
5. Boyfriend/husband always checks on her. All dates with friends are subject for husband's approval. No approval, no going outside.
6. She gets hospitalized at least once a month for "falling from the stairs, slipping at the bathroom floor, hitting her head from a light post" and other excuses.
7. Starts neglecting self.
8. Rationalizes and even boasts that she's happy with her present boyfriend/husband.
9. Everytime you try to call, husband/boyfriend answers. If she does, she speaks in a hush tone.
10. Describes her relationship in a fairy-tale like manner.
11. If you will ask her neighbors, they tell a very colorful story - most of it true.
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