If you hate being lied to and the person you love and have made a life long comm

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   SteppingForwardposted 13 years ago

   If you hate being lied to and the person you love and have made a life long commitment with...
   
   lies about every little and some big things, what would you do?

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   j.amieposted 13 years ago

   Oh man. I've been there (endured five years of it).  Trust is essential in such a committed relationship. If you haven't already (which you probably did) have a real heart to heart talk about it with him/her. It's so very difficult to even consider moving on because you love this person, so you want to forgive and forget; but if he/she cannot reciprocate the commitment to make the best decisions for both of you and be transparently honest, you will drive yourself insane with worry and likely shorten your life because of it.

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3. 78

   bellawritter23posted 13 years ago

   I was never lied to and was always told the cold hard truth and at points it was so cold that I kinda wished it was a lie. But in this case the only thing you can do is communicate how severe the lying may impact the relationship and if the lying continues you may just have to remove yourself from the situation. There are boundries that need to be set if there are no defined standards you will always be seen as a doormat. You do not want to over look and continue allowing the person to think its okay to be lying because they will gain power over the situation and feel its no that severe. Some action needs to be placed behind your thought process!
   
   bellawritter23

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4. 70

   Staci-Barbo7posted 13 years ago

   I feel your pain and sense of betrayal of the love and trust you thought you shared.  (From a Biblical perspective) If there is no actual abuse in the marriage - then do everything you can to release the anger, which turns to bitterness if you don't release it, and stay with your spouse.
   
   I also agree that there should be boundaries in place to protect you.  I don't believe it is necessary for you to remove yourself from the marriage in order to stake out the boundaries or to protect yourself.  By being transparent about how you feel about the dishonesty, stating exactly what you expect - complete honesty - and by calling your spouse out on any confirmed untruths (so he/she is not misled into believing that he/she is "pulling the wool over your eyes"), you have a place to begin maintaining your 'separateness' from the deceit, games, and unhealthy dynamics. 
   
   However, don't expect it to change him / her.  Your spouse will only make a change if HE decides at a heart level that he must change.  Unfortunately, most people who chronically lie do NOT really want to change, and they are generally gifted at manipulating other people, even engaging others' sympathies for their 'problem', while they continue to do everything possible to destroy the trust necessary to that relationship.   
   
   Do what you have to NOW to ensure you have the skills necessary to support yourself, in the event your spouse decides he is unwilling to stay with you as you attempt to seek a relationship without negative dynamics that do not serve you, your spouse, or your marriage.  Finally, you will NEED to strengthen your relationship with supportive people who have healthy relationships with other people.  It will make you stronger.  It also results in your being less likely to be pulled into the negative patterns of interacting that your spouse employs. 
   
   I sincerely wish you the best.

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   pennyofheavenposted 13 years ago

   Love, communicate, listen and keep loving communicating and listening. Often learned habits are hard to break. You will find there are reasons behind their habits that they might not be aware of. Sometimes its the only way they know. It that is it, show them there is another way...now they have a choice. But like any habit...it takes time to break even when consciously making that choice.

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