how do you fall back in love with your spouse

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   dawnMposted 14 years ago

   How do you fall back in love with your spouse again once you have given up and then they change?

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      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well, first off, you shouldn't have fallen out of love with your spouse.
      
      Secondly, before you begin any other relationship, whether with them or someone else, learn about acceptance and give up on forgiveness.

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         the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         you know what she means...after a lost cause you have to let someone go in order to move on. When you find out they were able to change back into the person you fell in love with, shes asking how to re connect. Dont worry dawn, ive been in that boat. Cagsil...you smartass!

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   2. 73

      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Dawn- you do it slowly. You might have to just be around them for awhile before you feel any real reconnection. You know, like dateing. Watch things you both think are funny, and talk about stuff you have in common or agree on. But dont feel bad about having to do that, your feelings are important.

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   3. 73

      the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i have to lay down, ive a steaming headache. ugh, im in a relationship cluster myself right now. night all...hope you can work it out DawnM

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      lady_love158posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You have to want to, though I can understand that you might feel a little hesitant. You also may have developed feelings for someone else and now you're conflicted. It's a difficult situation, I can only say for me, I don't usually go back. It takes too much effort to let go and once I'm successful at that, I don't have the motivation to revisit the problems of the past. I'm not saying I never would, but I haven't up until now.

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   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   Very intriguing question. Can you be a little more specific about "and then they change" please?
   Do you mean that you've wanted them to be a certain way but they were not, then, just when you've finally given up, suddenly they do change but it's too late?

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   1. 68

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      

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         the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Put your gins away Cag, your a meanie tonight! Alright, who gave Cagsil sugar after 5pm....

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            Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            But dear Pink, what do you mean I'm being a meanie?
            
            I'm not being mean. I was just saying it would be easier to learn the difference between forgiveness and acceptance.
            
            And, what's your point btw?

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               the pink umbrellaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

               Cagsil, please, i like you and dont wanna go into a debate with you. It was a joke sweetie. Im just saying ive been where shes been, with unacceptable behavior turning into a disconnection. Its a problem when you want to re connect but cant seem to, it sucks. But, if theres still something there im sure she can feel it if shes patient enough, and allows herself to get passed whatever happened between them.

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                  Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

                  And like I said- learn the difference between "forgiveness" and "acceptance", it will ultimately make the transition easier.

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3. 74

   Mom Katposted 14 years ago

   Love is love. You will always love your s/o - you might just not be "in love" with them.
   After going through some difficult times the most important thing you can do is rebuild that trust.  Make sure the changes are real and not just a ploy to get you back.
   
   Remember all the good things that made you fall in love in the first place.  Remember the special days, the magical moments that made you say "wow, this guy (or gal) is great".
   
   Forgive.  As hard as it is, you have to forgive if you want to move past the negative emotions that are blocking your love from flowing.  Write about it - in a diary, work it out with yourself to understand where things went wrong and what parts you both played in allowing things to get to where they are.
   
   Make an agreement "game plan" to not allow those same mistakes to be repeated. Communication is vital.  You have both been hurt and it will take time to heal.  This is not going to happen over night, but if you both want it to get better, and you both work on it - then it can happen.
   
   Take time to "reset" yourself.  Don't dive head first into the mission of "fixing it" - you'll lose yourself and everything that he loved about you in the first place.  Make sure that you put yourself, your health, your feelings and your self esteem on the top of your importance list.  He can not "make" you happy, all he can do is inhance the happiness that is already there.

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      sofsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      If we are talking about attraction or other factors may not be possible to get back. If we are speaking about love you always love a person, you may be angry disillusioned or unhappy but i believe you will always love; so work back the magic as you did at first!!

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4. 58

   dawnMposted 14 years ago

   to more specific, it seems that many times you have to give up in the relationship throw in the towel so to speak and then the person changes, meaning that you have to change inorder for them to change.  The other issues is that women tend to leave the marriage mentaly while still in the marriage, so when there spouse does finally come around she has made her mind up that it is over.

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      Mom Katposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I'm one of those "hopeless" people who always holds out on believing that something can change or work long after it is dead & has turned to dust.  Maybe it's just the stuborn mule in me, but I can't help it.
      
      When I say to myself that "it's over and there is no hope" there is another part of me that won't accept that and hangs onto the hope of hope that much harder.  I just hate to feel like I failed at something, ya know?
      
      I guess the question I would ask myself is "did I give 200% of myself and try everything under the sun?" before tossing in the towel. If the answer is "yes" - I still have guilt and second guess possibilites I may have not thought of yet.

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   Woman Of Courageposted 14 years ago

   It is when you can trust the person again, and you can see clearly by observing the person. The love can be more stronger than before.

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   dawnMposted 14 years ago

   I think that from my own experience there are ups and downs in marriage and if the other peron is willing to work at it then it is worth a shot.

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