I told my husband that I didn't want to be married anymore. I'm not happy in my

1. 48

   starfi3hposted 14 years ago

   I told my husband that I didn't want to be married anymore. I'm not happy in my marriage
   ...
   
   it's because we don't treat each other nice. He has anger problems and always gets mad and yells
   to much and is very lazy, I have depression and I become down a lot.
   Please help us, I really want to stay with him and live a long happy life with him.
   I want to be happy with him without all the fights. I want us to be like we where in high school again.
   Oh and I'm 20 and he's 21 and we've been together for 4 years and been married for 1 year.
   
   

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2. 48

   bella057196posted 14 years ago

   I suggest a couples retreat.  It's not like counceling.  Instead you're with a group of people in similar situations.  Trust me it works.  Google it and some locations in your are are likely to show up.

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3. 61

   bulaloposted 14 years ago

   True, you need some time off.
   
   1 year is too short an investment in a relationship and call it quits.
   
   BTW, I didn't marry until I was 28 because I know I can't handle the whole marriage thing when I was younger.

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4. 56

   Magicallymysticalposted 14 years ago

   You guys really do need couples counseling but, first he has to address his anger issues which may be seperate issues from your marriage. All the yelling and anger can soon turn violent. Please seek help as soon as possible if you feel your marriage is worth being saved. for you and him.

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5. 65

   ThunderKeysposted 14 years ago

   As a professional counselor who’s worked with hundreds of couples and families, I have to agree with other posters and say that marital counselling is indicated. It’s also very important for both of you to learn as much as you can about the basic skills that are necessary for maintaining a healthy marriage.
   
   In addition to seeking counselling start by doing internet research about Dr. Sue Johnsons and Dr. John Gottman’s work. These are the 2 best marriage researchers and experts in the world. Accessing counselling or reading about skills development for your marriage is like reading about diet and exercise for your health, or taking a medication to treat a medical condition. You want to make sure that what you’re doing or taking has been scientifically demonstrated to save marriages. The key here is learning how to effectively express and meet each other’s core relationship needs.
   
   Another poster is right, your husband’s anger must be addressed. However, a good EFT (emotion focused marital) Therapist or Gottman Institute therapist with advanced clinical training will know how to access the extent to which the anger can be addressed as part of the marital counselling. His anger may be related to unmet relationship needs based on poor communication. There is sometimes depression in a partner seeking counselling as well. EFT marital therapy, when done correctly, has been demonstrated as more effective than medication and/or  individual counselling to get rid of mild to moderate depression. This is done by creating a healthy marriage rather than directly working on the depression!
   
   Feel free to read my Hub on how science can help your marriage. If you still have questions, post them to me, and I will do my best to help you with further information.

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