The unexpected.... It is easy to get drawn down by life's little simplicities, work, home and play all seem to run together. Just one act outside of the norm can spark a raging inferno if it is characteristically outside of your normal scope. Try a little get-away in the middle of the week to a nice place, that always worked for me in the past...W
Surprise your partner, do things that you loved at the beginning and stopped doing as time went by. Dress for him. Talking about your relationship is also good for resolving outstanding issues, without accusations, of course.
Sometimes we settle into a comfort zone in the relationship, and leave that routine is good to rekindle the flame.
I wrote a hub that talks a little about that:
Do something completly different then the things you both regually do. Try doing something adventurous; rock climbing, bike riding, fishing.
Try spending more time away from them. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Or, you can try planning little get-aways in order to have some new experiences together.
Agreeing with everyone else who's posted so far. Familiarity breeds contempt. Not a cliche for nothing. I recently went through this. I'm a stay at home, work at home mom now, and my husband works every day out of the house. Our days are exactly the same. There are no more long chats over dinners out, no more spontaneous weekend adventures 'for the hell of it'... so we made a conscious effort to liven things a bit. Just, new things. Even if it's not new.. new from your current every day. For example: I recently took advantage of my son sleeping late, even to supper time. I didn't wake him up, instead I put some candles on the table with dinner and some glasses of wine. My husband was really happily surprised. He almost seemed somewhat more relaxed (?).
Spontaneity combined with a little bit of imagination equals the "fire" you're looking for.
Everyone is different. Some people find it easy to simply spend time away in order to miss each other and learn to appreciate each other again. To me, if I was trying to do this with my husband/fiance/boyfriend I would simply show them why we are together. Romantic jesters, a nice quiet dinner for two with his favorite food, going somewhere new, trying something new together or simply creating new fun memories. Little things like redecorating the house even work.
I'd have to say to extend the communication level between both partners and find out exactly what each other wants and likes and enjoys and try to find new things that would interest the both of you. Partnership is the best way to go and make sure nothing is individual.
Revert to the days you first met, do the things that you used to do, go to the same places you featured and by doing that you may bring back good memories. You can also do things you have never done....surprise your mate, if they still love you they will play ball, spicing up the relationship one step at a time. Being spontaneous can be exciting sometimes
Never take each other for granted, always listen, always try to see each others perspective. Do things together, but do things separately too. The work never stops, but the rewards are great.
"It's easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark!"
Unfortunately the above statement rings true.
Since we can only control ourself we're kind of limited as to what will happen in our relationships. It actually takes BOTH people to turn a relationship around. If one person is happy/content with the way things are you will find yourself stuck in a rut.
Having said that, You can try and spice things up with a naughty voice mail, email, plan an evening of seduction, have a weekend getaway, or possibly make love in a different room in the house, on the floor in front of the fireplace, the shower....etc
The element of surprise helps in the short term.
Making plans to do something special involving a hotel stay every 3 or 4 months, having a "date night" per week even if there is no sex can gradually restore romance and intimacy.
Note: The above suggestions do not guarantee the "fire" will return as an eternal flame.
Usually when there is a reduction in sex there is also a reduction in wet kisses, hugging, snuggling in bed or on the sofa, taking showers/baths together, loving eye contact, flirting, sexual innuendo, hand holding, and touching one another in general. In order to increase sexual activity for the long-term you have to increase intimacy.
"When we change, our circumstances change"
Once we stop doing all the things that won our mate's heart the relationship was bound to change.
By expressing love in words,by trips to some romantic, exotic place together.
figure out the truth, you him or both have some insecurity. don't waste your time making dates, it's about love. what lies do you both have. realize the lies are your fears. and your fears are fake, cause love is a gift that never goes away
Be consistant with compliments, kindness, gentleness, acknowlegement, and listening.
My answer is short and sweet.....treat each other the way that you treated each other when you first met. Do all the things that made each other happy and add a little more spark to it!
I didn't read everyone elses' answers, but the first things that come to mind are:
New things - doing new and exciting things puts that feeling back in your belly. Be adventurous, especially if it's not characteristic.
Confidence - Confidence boosters create new desires and sparks in your relationship. Hitting the gym, learning something new, doing anything impressive. Boost your confidence and you'll boost desire.
Surprises - Always sexy Whether they involve sex or not. (The best surprises I think involve both but I'm a man)
Reminders of the past also seem to be nice. Reminiscing about earlier parts of the relationship can remind people why they are in the relationship in the first place.
Hope this helps
"familiarity breeds contempt", as ladyface put it, is right on. reverting back to the romantic things you used to do "in the beginning" only works for a little while... because the truth is that people are always evolving, people NEED change - therefore the things that sparked the flame in the beginning might seem "old hat" to you now, or no longer ignite that same passion or excitement.
as you spend time in a relationship with someone, you get to know them well - their likes, dislikes, quirks, etc. however, the whole excitement in the beginning of a relationship hinges on that constant discovery, the excitement of peeling back layers of a person's being and discovering who they are, what makes them tick, and how they excite and inspire you.
over time, the feeling of "discovery" fades, and thats where the excitement fades too. in order to KEEP this sense of discovery, we must constantly challenge ourselves. To work on our relationship, we must actually focus on evolving and challenging OURSELVES. its not the "relationship" that needs work, per say, but us.
take a class or find time for a new hobby, spend time with new friends, read a book that challenges the way you think - something that you do on your own. take some time for yourself. reignite the mystery, the that your partner doesn't know everything there is to know about you. if you are constantly changing and growing, your relationship will change and grow and you will continue to learn about each other as you learn about yourselves.
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