What is the most important communication tip you would offer an emotionally distressed couple?
1. Attend mediation with a certified mediator who specializes in couples;
2. Go to couples counselling;
3. Use email -- this allows the reader to read the message without the writers emotions;
4. Use a code word that signals the conversation must end due to distress in one or both parties;
5. Hire a personal coach;
6. Keep the conversation on topic;
7. Do not bring up the past
Remember that for every frustrating thing they do, you do equally as many frustrating things.
Also, play fair. Fighting doesn't help anyone if it's all about low blows and empty threats.
1.Remember that "Us & We" is more important than "I & Me".
Before you discuss an issue with your mate you have to do some serious introspective thinking. You have to know what it is you want. Ideally you want both people to be happy with the outcome. When you could "care less" about how your partner feels it may be a clue that you're not as "emotionally invested" in the relationship.
2. You have to be able to articulate your wants and needs in a (none offensive or rude manner). "Anger is the mask that hurt wears". People stop listening when others start yelling.
3. - There is no "right" or "wrong". There is only "agree" or "disagree". Whatever is bothering YOU may not bother their next mate. Ultimately we are all looking for someone who "agrees" with us.
4. Don't confuse "communication" with "action"!
Just because you aren't getting what you want does not mean you have not been heard or understood. The basis of communication is to "express" an idea and have it acknowledged/understood by the person you're speaking with. Communication is NOT an "ask and it shall be given" proposition.
5. Keep things in proper perspective.
If you have asked for what you want/need and your mate either doesn't have it to give or does not feel YOU are worth the effort to give it to.
Ask yourself, "Is this a deal breaker?" If it is, get out!
(People change when THEY want to)
Sticking around to nag, plead, or give ultimatums will only lead to frustration on your part and resentment on their part. If two people don't "agree" on something that is a "requirement" for one of them to be (happy) then they are with the "wrong person". It doesn't mean one of them is "right" and the other is "wrong".
If it's not a "deal breaker" learn to live without!
You don't negotiate love and affection (They're given freely)
You can't manufacture chemistry (It's either there or it's not)
When two people are emotionally invested in a relationship they will do their best to compromise whenever possible. However don't expect anyone to "become another person". Everyone is looking for someone who will love and "accept" them for who they are. "Don't make a mountain out of a molehill."
I would say that, when arguing, they should always remember to "fight fair." People in relationships, when arguing, should avoid like the plague, using words like "you never" or "you always."
The words "always" and "never" are inherently unfair, because they are vague and general. These words put a person in the impossible position of having to account for herself throughout eternity and infinity, in a way, and that no one can ever do.
I would say have no communication for at least a month!!
Not a perfect answer. However, in this one month time, they would realize a lot of feelings that are hiding in them. In that one month, they might feel the void that each other fill otherwise and things can settle too. However, making the other person understand this one-month-no-talks is quite difficult.
By 'no communication', I do not mean separation. They still stay together, may be exchange looks and smiles, but will try not to talk. This gives more time and freedom to think and understand.
Couples to try this only as a last measure apart from what others said or only if they believe this can help.
listen to what the other pearson says not just to what you hear them saying
I would say the most important tip is to communicate.
"Communication is the universal solvent" - LRH
Putting them back into good communication with one another might result in a lot of arguing and upset at first, as they get out all the things they've been holding back, but ultimately, they'd come through it.
Trap them in an elevator for a few days, and they'd be like newlyweds again.
Sounds stupid maybe but take a break from each-other I would say anymore, Then get back to talking when your missing each other like hell.. lol!
Best I could do right now, sorry.
Try To See Their Point of View
Respond to Criticism with Empathy
Own What’s Yours
Look for Compromise
Take a Time-Out
Don’t Give Up
Ask For Help If You Need It
Think for both not for yourself in every situation you face.
They have to first start talking. Many times, each person becomes non communicative and keeps his/her sentiments within self. It is sometimes better to have an emotional out burst. They should go to another place, may be the place where they had their honeymoon and spend time together. Instead of finding faults with mate, each should make a list of positive points of the mate and visualize what would have been life without him/her.
Emotional wounds do not heal easily but time is the greatest healer . So, they spend quality time with each other and learn to be patient. One should remember that no one is perfect .
good start best queastion is simple. there is a brake called light in the vibration. you settle for darkness, in memory now. the sun feels sad, it's just you feeling happy. fishing for subtlty the sun inquote s. memory of a child is you. thumb on saftey. swim the ocean the wind sail s. the desert drowns those with water. a thin acquaessence, it is enough.
Set a time and place that won't be interrupted and stick to it.
Start with an agreement that neither of you will walk out on the conversation. Be sure that no friends or family is involved and that children won’t overhear, usually someplace away from home and not public is best, unless you fear violence in which case it should be public.
Don’t hold anything back on any topic but don’t be hurtful.
Half of any conversation is listening without interrupting, let your other half finish their sentences and respect what they are saying. Don’t try to minimize what you are being told if it is important enough for them to mention it is important, period.
If you both agree to something, such as the amount of sex in your relationship or spending habits, stick with it afterwards don’t let it slide. If it is possible set some kind of schedule, it doesn’t have to be a clockwork but twice a week should mean twice a week, a payment toward a credit card every month means EVERY month. All to often things slide back to where they were before the conversation and it gets harder to address and easier to slide back with time and repetition.
If one side or the other doesn’t live up to the agreement it is time to bring in a third party, preferably a counselor or therapist.
A commitment made before witnesses is harder to break.
Finally; if an agreement can’t be reached or if one of you can’t live up to an agreement it is time to face the cold facts.
Someone who refuses to change today isn’t going to change tomorrow. You have to ask yourself if you can live with the problem and accept their behavior. If it is going to be a bur under your saddle then you are better off admitting it and seeking happiness elsewhere.
well i think its not just about one of you its both you cant have a relationship you have to realize whats important to both of you
also what do one of you do that the other one doesnt like thats a big step now day men or woman think the their partner has to do everything but thats what messes everything up
lets say she's/he's cooking the other can go in the kitchen and offer help the same way with everything else one of you is doing i have come to realize that it really helps
Everyone falls into a pattern in how they respond to each other. If things are going negatively, it's important to recognize, break and change that pattern. Listen to each other when speaking, look at each other when speaking, and for clarity when discussing important relationship issues, repeat back what you heard the other person just say or ask you. Think before speaking. There are just some things you can never take back.........................and come from a place of love, no matter what. You won't be sorry later no matter what the outcome. If the other person is operating from a negative place, it's important that somebody "be the grownup" and act like it. Don't follow suit!
Write new vows, here are a few from the book Divorce Vows (http://www.divorcevows.com/):
1) I will remember that there was a time when we were friends.
I will not turn you into the enemy.
2) I will notice when my ego’s desires and fears
are creating conflict. I will not discount your ego’s desires or fears.
3) I will accept that as we have changed as individuals,
our relationship has changed also.
I will not hold on to past perceptions
of who we were to each other.
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