My boyfriend feeds into his exes attempts to reach out. He says its harmless, I say F#@% THAT!
I have a huge problem. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years. We moved in together last year. He told me his ex made him miserable so he left her when he met me. She is obsessed with him. He changed his number and email address and she found both. He tells me he wants nothing to do with her but, they were together for 8 years so of course I'm insecure. His birthday passed and she emailed him Happy Birthday. He responded Thanks. I cant help the fact that she is reaching out but I have asked him before to ignore her. He thinks im being petty and his actions are harmless. HELP!
You are upset because they get along? It seems to me that he was just being polite. Your boyfriend is right, this is petty.
So basically my question is, how do I get him to realize what she's trying to do. Without giving too many details, basically she is your typical fatal attraction. She was 32 when he met her and he was 18. She stole his youth and made him miserable. She used him for what she wanted and then threw him away, over and over again, all while she was married! She is toxic. She had attempted to cause problems between him and I in the past, even going as far as showing up at my workplace to confront me for "stealing her man". I have done everything to be mature about the situation but she continuously attempts to reach out to him to try and suck him back into her wicked web of hatred. Six months ago I found out the she was texting him random things (happy forth of July etc...) I asked him not to respond to her because when he does she takes it to far and starts more unnecessary drama. They have no monetary, or family/circle of friends connections. They should be able to have a healthy friendship but she can not respect my position in his life. So when she emailed him on his birthday and he responded I was upset. I asked him to ignore her and he agreed that he would. But now he claims that it's harmless. I'm being petty because he's doing something I asked him not to do and he agreed to? It's bullshit. How do I make him realize that I will not allow her to keep coming between us? How do I get her to stop without unecessary drama?
You say, "She stole his youth and made him miserable..." However the truth is each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. He was with this woman because (he chose) to be with her. There is no getting around this fact.
The next thing you must realize is the only person you can (control) is yourself!!! Whenever we attempt to control others and they don't behave as we want them to then we become frustrated.
Anyone that has been in a relationship for 8 years is likely to remember their ex's birthday. It's not a big deal to get an e-card or a birthday email from someone you spent a large chunk of your life with.
Insecurity is just another word for fear. No one wants to think about someone "waiting in the wings" should they mess up. We long to be able to "relax" and have some breathing room to stop being at our best . (The truth is there is always someone who would love to take your place). We just normally don't know who that person is.
It sounds as though your man is NOT a "rude" type of person. Therefore he is not likely to become rude to his ex just to satisfy you. Is this a "deal breaker"? If it is then you should get out. If it is not then you have to learn to accept your man as he is and trust that it's you that he wants.
If you continue to bitch and complain about the situation while his ex continues to be "nice" to him then you must know people would rather be around people who make them feel good about being themselves. No one wants to live in house full of friction.
You're living with him, if it's unecceptable to you that he stays in touch with this ex in any way, shape or form, he needs to respect your wishes. You need to make it very clear to him that it's a deal breaker for you if he keeps any ties to this woman, that includes polite replies to her messages. It sounds like he needs to change his email address and phone number again, but he is far from that place as he's being polite and replying to her (Only feeding her on to keep doing it). It's a pet hate of mine, if I'm in a serious relationship with someone (Let alone living with them) I am not willing to accept them continuing to keep some kind of relationship up with their ex (Except of course if there are kids involved). I'm sure he wouldn't be calling you 'petty' if you were keeping in touch with your ex's on a casual basis. It's not about her, it's about him being willing to cease and avoid all contact with her, and seeing that this is a resonable request.
I have to agree with you. He went down that ugly, bumpy road, and had to get off of it. Communicating with exes is akin to keeping that door open. Actions are louder than words. Ask him how he would feel if it was you in this situation and doing what he is doing. If he cannot see your perspective, ditch him.
by Elizabeth 12 years ago
What to do when your not in the wrong?When someone has caused tension in the relationship and refuses to communicate,should you be the first to reach out. If your always the one who has to be the bigger person, is it worth it to keep trying? Does it mean the person doesn't value the...
by Shanaaya Taneez 8 years ago
Hmm what would be the perfect birthday message for an ex boyfriend??its been 1 yr we r not together..its his birthday cming..we dnt usually talk but when we meet we still say hi hello... I want to wish him happy birthday and plz I need the perfect message wishing him all the joy and all ...
by Rebecca Graf 15 years ago
How to reach out with an olive branch.
by X Ray 15 years ago
I want to start a business of my own,how can I reach out to venture capitalists?
by AllaboutY 7 years ago
How do I get my boyfriend to give me more attention?My boyfriend is turning 30 next month and I'm 22.could that be the reason why I feel that I'm being neglected by him?He is so laid back and all I want is for him to pay more attention to me..I really want our relationship to work since we are from...
by antoniab_x 14 years ago
My boyfriend asked for my ring size and then wouldnt tell me why?I kept on asking him why, and he wouldnt answer. After a while he gave in a little and said he would reveal all at midnight on New Years Eve. I'm worried because if he's proposing, we haven't been together years and years. But on the...
Copyright © 2025 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2025 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |