What to do when your not in the wrong?

1. 68

   rainpurplewineposted 12 years ago

   What to do when your not in the wrong?
   
   When someone has caused tension in the relationship and refuses to communicate,should you be the first to reach out.  If your always the one who has to be the bigger person, is it worth it to keep trying? Does it mean the person doesn't  value the friendship as much as you do?

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2. 60

   DaceyDposted 12 years ago

   I think that for some people it might mean they don't value the friendship as much, for others it might be that they don't know how to communicate as well, don't know how to reach out, are insecure or it could simply be a part of their personality.  I have one friend who waits for others to reach out to them as a test to see if they really care, if they don't reach out they don't care.  I don't know how conscious he is of this trait. It is not because he doesn't value the friendship, though it certainly feels that way at times. 
   
   As for whether it is worth it to keep trying, that depends on you.  Has it become an unhealthy relationship?  Is it super stressful?  It can be hard to sit down and weigh the pros and cons of a friendship but sometimes it is necessary. Any relationship can become toxic, what you have to ask yourself is, is the relationship actually doing you harm?  If it's just a little frustration every now and then, then the question becomes what are the benefits and do surpass any stress that is caused.  If the friendship is doing you harm, or causing undue stress all the time it's probably time to let it go. 
   
   You could also try sitting down with your friend before making any final decisions and have a discussion.  Don't be accusatory or confrontational but try something like 'when you do ____ I feel ____.'  It's hard to argue with feeling and it is no longer about right and wrong.  Just don't make it into a guilt trip.

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   1. 68

      rainpurplewineposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, it's true when people are not good at communicating it puts a strain on the relationship.  I think it is wise to let things go when they cause unnecessary stress discomfort.  thanks for answering

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3. 60

   Goody5posted 12 years ago

   I have a co-worker who thought that he was wrong, but he actually discovered that he was right all along. Go figure?

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   1. 68

      rainpurplewineposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I guess that was just a bad misunderstanding then.  It happens.

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4. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   I read somewhere: "The person with the least amount of interest in a relationship controls it."
   Anytime there is a friendship or relationship where one person has to do all of the bending over backwards it's clear they are dealing with someone who cares less about the relationship. Ask yourself what would happen if you did not make that call, write that email, send that text, or drop by to visit?
   Having said that I would not withhold contact as a (game) just to see if they'll break down and call me. I'd simply get on with my life dealing with people where there is value for value and mutual love and respect for one another. I wouldn't dwell on the other person. They know how to reach me if they're interested. Move on!

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   1. 68

      rainpurplewineposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Lol, yea i have heard that somewhere as well.  I would rather have a mutual connection because the one sided friendships and relationships are not worth the energy.  Thanks for answering.

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5. 0

   Deepes Mindposted 12 years ago

   Ask yourself this question: "Would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?" You can't always have both. Being right means that the other person is wrong in what they are feeling, which in turn makes that person feel less valued. By agreeing that you would rather be happy, sometimes it takes reaching out first in order to help build the relationship

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   1. 68

      rainpurplewineposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are right, sometimes it pays to swallow your pride and take the high rode.  I just want peace of mind at the end of the day, and I can always agree to disagree.

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