What is it, that help keep us together?
Being together for a long time isn't easy. The elements of trust, respect, tolerance, sharing and ulitmate happiness do not simply happen. Some of my friends are married or in a relationship, some are single with a casual lifestyle minus business suits and deadlines, others are divorced. A few have out-survived partners. Most are content with their lot. There is nothing wrong with the odd disagreement, it would be boring if we agreed about everything all the time. Life is a series of negotiations...
Together...as a choice, is different from being together as an obligation to society, family and friends..One liberates, the other binds...
I too have similar experience with my friends...
What keeps us together is understanding and finding the reason why we have been brought together. ie: For Support, Understanding, For Help, Consideration, for appreciation, maybe starting a successful business, an invention, maybe a great relationship, marriage, finding that person with the essentials needed for what you have been looking for. Seeing, understanding, respecting all of the above and more usually should keep you together. It doesn't always work that way but if you see the big picture you wont want to lose sight of that vision once you have found whatever element/s are needed for it. They usually say one doesn't know what they have until it's gone. Another amazing saying that confirms the reason why we've been placed each others lives "coincidently" or by "chance". If it doesn't work out for the best more than likely is will be for the worst (and that's because it couldn't serve it's purpose and is now gone)! CiaO
The need to be needed that is "wired into" humanity from the beginning. Oh, I admit that there are the "emotional loners," in society, but overall, even with the occasional spat, personally my need to be needed is met with my martial partner, Pam, who has seen it all from me over the years--anger, defeat, ups and mostly down's, clinical depression (still suffer with that one), cold, hot, and sometimes no emotion, but inside where it counts, she counts to me. And I would hope that I do to her.
I think we need to be there for our loved ones.and be as strong as we can. we are going to have our bad days but that's all right... we just need to be forgiving and loving. It makes us happier person if we are.
Above all things, both people must be willing to work on the relationship as it grows and changes. This applies to both friendships and romance! If a friend isn't willing to invest in me and keep up with my life, equal to the amount of effort that I put in, that friendship will eventually fade away. It is a natural progression for relationships. Though sad, it separates the people worth investing in from the fickle friends who you no longer need in your life. People grow apart in relationships because one or both of you can no longer invest or work on the relationship. Relationships are a full time job! They can be fantastic, but they don't get that way by themselves.
There's not a whole lot more I can add accepting that I did not see anything mentioned about honesty and integrity. Honesty with one's partner's, loved one's or friend's is always the best policy. Owning up to and taking responsibility for one's action's and how they have effected other's. I like the one response about how relationship's AND friendship's take work. They sometime's change, but at least you can say you tried...
I agree with MyGirlThursday that staying together requires that both people work on the relationship. If you had a job that you did not work very hard at, you would lose it. It is the same way with a relationship. I would also add that certain personal qualities are important if a relationship is to endure. One of these is empathy. You must be able to put yourself into your partner's shoes, and know what he/she is feeling in any given situation. If you can do this, you will be better able to help your partner deal with whatever problem presents itself. This must be a reciprocal process--your partner must also have a good gauge as to what you are feeling in a given situation. If two people really value their relationship, they will do whatever it takes to make it last.
After a while we either become more or less tolerant. If you think you're at breaking point with somebody think to yourself if you can live without them for longer than a week. My wife goes off on her travels for a few days and comes back all smiles, looking forward to her next trip. Last month it was Iceland, next month it's the US and Canada. Meanwhile I just get on with it, feed the cats, the fish, the rabbits and the guinea pigs. Then I trip off for a few days up to Yorkshire. Then it's all smiles again for a while. She's got her foibles, i've got mine. When she's got more foibles than I can take I'll just blank it out for a while until it subsides. then she'll be off to Berlin to see our son and his German girlfriend (I still think our German cousins sound like they're chewing on bully-beef when they start talking).
If I can take it... We'll have been married thirty-one years come August.
Conscious or unconscious prayer keeps us spiritually connected, it doesn't matter religion or belief, it's all about praying for a different way of life.
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