Is there ever a reason a person should remain married to someone who physically

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  1. peeples profile image94
    peeplesposted 10 years ago

    Is there ever a reason a person should remain married to someone who physically abuses them?

    My mother is/was one of these women who stays even when abused. I have never been able to understand this. Why would someone stay if being beat on a weekly basis? Women do this everywhere, WHY?

  2. JessMcCray profile image61
    JessMcCrayposted 10 years ago

    I am so sorry that this is what you have witnessed as relationships.  Women who get involved in these relationships seem to get re-involved with the same type of person even if they leave the initial abuser.  It is the state of mind that the battered woman is in that keep her from leaving or has her going back.  It is connected to low self-esteem, as well as being fearful of the unknown.  The abusers have a way of making their victims feel it is their fault and they were driven to violence they may even say things like "you made me hit you".  This develops into a pattern that is hard to break.  Their are domestic violence shelters in every state that will help a woman rebuild her life without her abuser.  As the child of a woman being abused, I hope that you will know better and never accept this in a relationship of your own

  3. jandee profile image81
    jandeeposted 10 years ago

    I can never understand a Woman tolerating such treatment.  Some say it is for the children but how can such behaviour be of benefit to a child ?  How can it be of benefit to the 'Beater'.

    Maybe there is a situation where the 'Abuser' is mentally ill ! I think that would be the only reason when one could remain in a relationship.

    Much better when one is being battered to just grab the kids and walk...........
    Money ,house,belongings,pride, all count for nothing and so who knows the answer to this timeless question which affects both men and women....

  4. pstraubie48 profile image79
    pstraubie48posted 10 years ago

    No ...I would not. There is NO reason to stay. Not 'for the sake of the kids' as they are learning to abuse or at least learning that someone is accepting abuse.

    I am not criticizing anyone who does stay. For many it would me having to find a place to stay and having to get a job. And so, I would say 'do it.' Not easy for me to say. I have been in abject poverty in my lifetime ...I know what it is like. But I know it is far superior to being abused, in any way.
    There may come a time when the last beating is the one that ends your life. 
    I counseled a young woman when I worked as a parenting specialist for a school system. She came to me week after week seeking academic help for her children. But I had to address the abuse as it was visible and ugly. We talked and talked and I had access to places and agencies to help her. She never went. She didn;t come to school for a few weeks. One day her Mother came to school to withdraw the children. Her daughter, the young woman I pleaded with, had been beaten and died as a result.

  5. cat on a soapbox profile image96
    cat on a soapboxposted 10 years ago

    Repeat abuse is a reason to run!  Unfortunately, the bastards who do this also wear down the self-worth of their women until they feel they have no where to go.
    These men are spineless cowards!

  6. alisha4u profile image39
    alisha4uposted 10 years ago

    I don't see any valid reason to sustain in such an atmosphere... Moreover, applying force on a women is cowardly...
    Some women are proactive enough to put a full stop on such activites, but some just take it as it comes....Hard to understand, why ??
    It just puts mee offf !!

  7. jacqui2011 profile image82
    jacqui2011posted 10 years ago

    No, I don't think that there is ever a reason that anyone should stay in an abusive relationship. Some people say that they stay because of the children, but I don't think that it is a healthy environment to raise kids in. I also can understand that some people stay because they are scared and have nowhere to go, or feel guilty that it must be their fault.

    It's no life and they should not have to tolerate this treatment. There is help out there, they have to be so brave and just leave.

  8. lola oyedotun profile image73
    lola oyedotunposted 10 years ago

    NO...NO...NO....what is the point? no respect, no love..

  9. ChristinS profile image39
    ChristinSposted 10 years ago

    Many times they fear their partner killing them over living with the beatings.  It's not a simple issue.  There are a lot of things at play.  Consider the woman's self esteem is likely gone - she does not value herself enough to say "enough of this".  There is fear of retribution - being beaten sucks, but being dead would be a lot worse.  Then you have the strange phenomenon that occurs where people tend to form bonds with their captors etc. and I think something similar likely occurs here.  It's easy to say we'd just get out of the situation - but we cant' know another persons plight without living it. 

    Should they stay? Absolutely not! I don't think anyone should ever stay with an abuser of any sort, but it is important to try to understand WHY they do if we ever hope to help them in a meaningful way to break free.

  10. FreezeFrame34 profile image76
    FreezeFrame34posted 10 years ago

    This question could not come at a better time. I am planning on writing a hub about abuse, but I found your question first.
    It's easy to say there are no reasons why a person should remain married to someone who physically abuses them. It's easy to say, "Grab the kids and run."
    It's hard to describe the feelings to someone who has never had an abusive boyfriend/husband/baby daddy.
    It's hard for people to realize that abuse can happen anywhere-whether it is physical, emotional, sexual, or a combination of all types. The one who suffers the most is the innocent child witnessing the abuse; their scars remain forever. Abuse can happen to men and women across all socioeconomic statuses, among all educational backgrounds.
    The abuser is good at making false promises- it will NEVER happen again, they might even break down and cry, and ask for forgiveness; they'll blame others for their actions, or they'll make excuses; they'll convince their family and friends that the other person is the problem. They'll blame stress, lack of sleep, alcohol, drugs, or a metal disorder.
    The truth is, there are lots of reasons why a person who has been abused stays in a relationship, but there just aren't any good reasons why!

  11. Express10 profile image85
    Express10posted 10 years ago

    I believe there is no reason but people are great at making excuses simply because the devil they know is in theory better than the devil they don't. Losing a lifestyle, having no money or car, these are not as important as a person's safety and trust. Unfortunately in some cases, staying costs them their lives.

  12. cperuzzi profile image91
    cperuzziposted 10 years ago

    The gut answer is "No."

    With divorces granted as easily as they are today - there is no reason for staying with a man (or woman) who abuses them.

    The older generation has difficulty with this as marriage has been tied to religion and possibly a culture of domestic violence.  If that person grew up in a home where spousal beating is the norm, they may endure the abuse - when you add kids to the mixture, it gets even harder.  These people will convince themselves that it's best for their kids if they stay.

    The problem is that they find themselves in a weird kind of comfort zone where they acclimate to the abuse.  It's quite sad when you think about it.

    The logical course of action is to obviously leave.  This person needs therapy and needs to be told that it's not their fault.  They need therapy not further torture in what is a very lonely and painful existence.


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